I Remember You.

Chapter 62 - Heaven in your Eyes.

An Hour Later...
Lorelei Anderson...

Kevin made me promise to take control of our love-making tonight. I understand why he wanted me to take the reins. I understood that he was just trying to do the right thing but honestly, there was no need. I didn't need him to hand over the control because there is no part of me that is scared to do this with him.

I mean, it's Kevin.

My Kevin.

The man who held my heart in the palm of his hand. The man I have been in love with for my whole life. How could I ever be scared of him?

It hasn't escaped my attention that if we had waited even longer to have sex then Alex would have been the one to take my virginity and that is something that does scare me. I cannot imagine having my first time be the product of rape. Would my reaction to this moment be different if things had worked out that way?

"You ok, sweetheart?" Kevin asked as he pulled the thick cosy duvet back so we could crawl inside.

"I am-"

"Lie. Talk to me sweetheart, if this is too much too soon, I can wait. I don't want you doing anything that you are not ready for,"

"I am ready," I promised, "I was just wondering if I would be reacting differently if we hadn't already had sex this weekend-"

"You mean if Alex had been the one to take your virginity by force?" He asked reaching for me and pulling me close to his hard, warm body and I nodded my head, "I can't lie and say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind also,"

"I just wish last night hadn't happened the way it did-"

"Me too, sweetheart," he admitted, "when I crashed into that room and saw him on top of you like that – I didn't know what I was capable of in that moment-"

"'Vin-" I never wanted to cause him that type of anguish. I never wanted him to see what had happened, but I can't deny that I am thankful he was the one who found me.

"You fought hard, Lei. I don't ever want you to think that you could have done more because it is down to you that they are managing to prosecute that bastard,"

"I just don't know how I could have got him so wrong; you know?"

"Men like that are good at what they do, and with this 'stepmom' pulling the strings, it isn't difficult to see why you were pulled in, sweetheart. At the end of the day though, you fought with everything you had, and I couldn't be more, proud of you if I even tried!" He praised me and as always there was something about him doing that, that screamed at the youngest part of me. A sense of calm and strength coursed through me.

"I love you!"

"I love you too sweetheart,"

"You know I love it when you call me that,"

"You do huh?"

"I really, really do!"

"Duly noted!" He winked, and I pressed forward, brushing my lips against his.

The safety of his arms enveloped me, carefully and slowly he pulled me towards his naked form.

Control.

Kevin wanted me to take control.

It's not that I don't understand why he suggested that. I mean how could I 'not' understand it? After having my consent ignored and my control taken from me, the need to feel that control should be fore-front in my mind. I don't know if what I am feeling is right or wrong. I don't know if what I really want is natural and normal.