chapter 29 - cognizance

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TW: Depressive themes and thoughts!!

Kate's POV
Of course, Hydra was funding these idiots. Just our luck. My heart stops for Y/n. She has spent months ridding herself of her past life, discovering who she is without them. I squat in front of her, holding her face. Her eyes are filled with fear and panic. "Come on, Y/n. Let's get you home."

I glance toward the tied-up villains, thankful we gagged them. I can see Vulture is entertained by the sight in front of him. A hero, crumbling. I drag Y/n out of the building, finding our bike, an advanced motorcycle. I strap my helmet on first before securing Y/n's. I climb onto the bike first, pulling her on behind me. She wraps her arms around my waist. If she wasn't on the verge of a panic attack, I would take a moment to enjoy this.

Back at the compound, Y/n sits on the edge of her bed, sipping on water. I rub circles on her back, hoping that it comforts her. According to the watch Tony placed on her wrist, her heart rate is stabilizing.

I feel her rest on my thigh, squeezing it lightly. "I'm sorry. I- I didn't know I would have that reaction." She whimpers, leaning her body against mine.

I hate hearing her apologize for being human. Unfortunately, I know that nothing I say can change her mind, especially now.


Y/N's POV -

My eyes flutter open, still heavy with the mental toll of yesterday. Although Kate's presence was comforting, I needed time alone to think. Reluctantly, she retreated to her own room, making me promise to come get her if needed.

My mind stayed busy, staying up until the early hours of the morning. Recently, I have found a sort of peace within myself and my mind. That is until something reminds me that any day now, Hydra could come for me. They could activate me, again. I don't know that I could handle going through that again. I'd rather be dead than become their puppet once more.

Bruce's offer had taken a back seat in my mind, resurfacing only recently. Yesterday only solidified my choice. I needed to be free of Hydra's control. I needed to sever their grip on my mind. Now, I needed to figure out how to tell Kate. Hopefully, she will appreciate full transparency.

I clean myself up before knocking on her door. I let myself in when I hear her call out. She is lying on her stomach across her bed, reading some sort of fantasy novel.

She perks up at the sight of me. "Afternoon, sleepy head." She teases, sitting up and patting the area next to her.

I sink into the mattress feeling anxious. She kisses my cheek making me relax and turn to her.  I can't help but smile at her, so beautiful, and somehow my girlfriend.

I forget why I came in. I raise my hand to cup her cheek. "I'm so lucky to have you." I whisper.

Kate laughs leaning into my touch, "Same."

I tug slightly, pulling her face to mine and connecting our lips. The kiss is slow and loving. When the kiss breaks, neither of us dares to move, resting our foreheads together.

I take a deep breath and take Kate's hands into mine, "I want to talk to you about something."

She pulls away and nods, understanding that this is serious. She pulls her legs up and spins, sitting criss-crossed on her bed, facing me.

I follow suit, gulping. "I uh- I've been thinking... I want to go to Wakanda. I want to try and remove the programming. I don't think I can ever feel safe until I know they cannot control me with a simple string of words."

I meet Kate's eyes, looking into mine, taking in every word I've just said. She smiles, "If that's what you want, I will support you."

I search her face trying to find a tell. But there isn't one, she's telling the truth. "Are you sure? You can be honest with me."

Kate strokes the back of my hand with her thumb, "I'm sure. I understand what you're saying and I think you might be right. Of course, I'll miss you, but if it takes a few months apart to heal your mind, I'd take that any day."

I smile and pull her in for a tight hug. What did I do to deserve someone like her?

*** 1 week later ***

"Lay back and just relax, you won't feel a thing." The Princess of Wakanda, Shuri, stands over me. She is medium height and thin, and her hair is cut short per Wakandan grieving traditions. Her father, King T'Chaka, passed away recently in an attack on a UN World Security Convention.

In the time since, her brother, T'Challa has become ruler of the nation. The two siblings are extremely kind and welcoming.

I follow Shuri's instructions, lying down on the hovering lab table. She uses some sort of device to scan my brain. It literally creates a hologram of my brain above me. Weird stuff.

Shuri studies the image, twisting and turning it to get a better look. "Good news, the programming in your brain appears to be an exact replica of the programming Sargeant Barnes underwent. I believe a similar regimen will remove the conditioning."

Kate smiles, squeezing my hand from beside the table.

"How long do you estimate it would take?" Bruce asks. He tagged along not only to chaperone and support me but also his interest in the advanced Wakandan technology.

"My estimation would be 4-6 months. Her programming has not been in place as long as Barnes, but it is still a delicate and taxing process."

I nod. "I'd like to do it. I can't continue living in fear."

Kate pulls my hand to her lips, kissing it. "I guess this is goodbye for 4-6 months." Her eyes are beginning to water.

Shuri speaks up momentarily, "As long as everything goes well, she should be allowed visitors after 1 month."

From what Bucky has told me, the process of removing the conditioning is long and exhausting. This will likely be a taxing few months.

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