Unbroken Souls (Spencer Reid x Reader POV)

Chapter 38

I put Halsey's Badlands vinyl on the record player when I got home and made dinner, saving Spence a plate despite being mad at him. I ate alone, trying to think about what to say to him, but the frustration just kept boiling. It's been a weird week, the workload was heavy and my emotions were weirdly out of control... maybe the job was starting to take a toll on me and I just hadn't realized until now.

I was washing the dishes when his key turned in the door. I heard him shuffle down the hallway after dropping his bag, and despite how angry and betrayed I felt, my heart still skipped a beat when I saw him, and this weird sense of sadness washed over me, followed directly by spite. What the fuck is going on in my brain... why am I all over the map.

It smells amazing in here Char. How was your day?" He asked as he came and hugged me from behind.

"It was fine. How was yours?" I asked, a little more monotone than I would have liked it to be. I finished rinsing the last dish and stacked it to dry, turning around to go and join Spencer at the table while he ate.

"Busy. But thanks to your breakthrough with Jackson we were able to make good progress!" he said, starting to eat as I sat down. He paused for a minute, never breaking eye contact before his face got a little more serious. "Whenever you say your day was fine, usually it ends up being the complete opposite. What's wrong?" he looked concerned now, reaching to take my hand from across the table. With my free hand, I picked at the skin around my nails; an old bad habit that returns when I'm stressed or upset.

"Just a long day, heavy cases. You know how it gets" I said quietly, now doing everything to avoid looking at him.

"This seems like there's something more. The way you structured that last phrase–"

"Don't profile me, Reid" I snapped back, causing him to recoil ever so slightly. Now I was mad. Rarely does he actually talk about me the way he profiles unsubs because he knows that freaks me out.

"Woah, Reid? You never call me that when we're at home. What is going on? Please, talk to me. I can see something is bothering you" he said in a tone that was both concerned and slightly demanding.

"You know, I don't really care if people like me or not when I'm pulled into things at work; I'm there to do a job, and do it well. But what I do care about, is when the person who looks me in the eye and says they love me just stands by laughing at degrading jokes made about me, and basically says I'm just a bureaucratic security blanket so you boys can keep your fancy little jet" I spat angrily, feeling the sting of tears start coming to my eyes. I saw his face drop as he realized I heard the conversation earlier.

"Char, please let me ex-"

"There's nothing to explain, Spencer. I thought that if anyone in that room understood what it felt like to be the easy target, it would have been you. I trusted that you would defend me, even if I wasn't around not because I needed defending but because you loved me. But I guess I was wrong; not all of us can be as brilliant as you" I stood up from the table to bring my glass to the sink but also as a way to keep him from seeing the tears welling in my eyes.

"Please, Charlotte, just listen to me for a minute. When Derek gets in those moods he just needs to vent, and if I counter him he just gets more frustrated and reckless. I learned it's best to let him get it out and then talk about it later. Of course, I love you, nothing could ever change that. I'm really truly sorry that you overheard-"

"I'm not mad about what I overheard, Spencer. I'm mad about the fact you laughed at the joke and even entertained the slander" I knew he had gotten up to follow me into the kitchen, and without even intending to I slammed my free hand against the countertop to make the point abundantly clear.