Chapter 37

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Nearly two weeks since the shelter massacre and I was still up to my eyeballs in work while we tried to get the right supports and placements for everyone. This meant a lot of late nights at work, and luckily the BAU had also been pulled into some work so Spencer was not only understanding of this but was doing the same late nights as I was. When the team had to fly out, Spence and I would video chat when we could, sometimes even getting to have dinner together over a call. I always missed him when he was gone, and the bed always felt empty without him next to me, but they were only gone for a few days before they returned to a case near the offices. Just as I was returning to the offices from arranging a shelter accommodation, I ran directly into Hotch in the hallway causing us to both drop our files.

"Oh god, sir I am so sorry! I should've been paying more attention to where I was-"

"Hillburg it's okay, no big deal at all. I was actually on my way to find you so it kind of works out" Hotch let a small smile slip as we both grabbed our things from the floor, standing back up.

"How can I help?" I asked him while trying not to sound burnt out from the shelter situation.

"We have a witness that refuses to open up. Every one of my agents has tried, and we've pulled every trick in the book and nothing. I'm wondering if you might be able to help us get through to him?"

"Uh, sure. I can swing by now if that works?" I replied, stuffing my files into my bag.

"That's perfect, we really appreciate it!" Hotch said as he motioned for me to follow him. We walked into the BAU offices and went towards Hotch's office. I could see the entire team in the boardroom; JJ and Prentiss were sorting through crime scene images, Rossi and Morgan were talking back and forth while Reid wrote things on the whiteboard. Luckily nobody noticed me slip in, I was hoping to just blindly pop in and out without being noticed as I barely had time for anything new on my plate today. Hotch gave me a quick rundown of what was going on before bringing me to the interrogation room.

Sitting at the table was a boy who couldn't be more than 14 years old. He looked exhausted and empty; he fidgeted with his hands for something to do while staring a hole through the table in a dissociative state. He didn't even look up as I entered the room or when I sat across the table from him.

"Hi Jackson. My name is Charlotte, I'm a social worker here at the FBI. My job is to listen to people's stories and help them work through the aftermath of what they experienced. From what I understand, you saw some pretty scary things last night... I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now, I'm so deeply sorry you had to go through this" my voice was calm and gentle, but he still didn't look up or acknowledge me yet, so I continued. "I also know that there have been a lot of people who are probably trying to ask you questions. I imagine that must be rather frustrating, especially if you haven't slept for a while. Can I get you anything to eat or drink? Maybe a blanket if you're cold?" I paused, waiting for even the slightest sign that he was mentally in the room with me.

"D– do you h-have any j-juice?" he stuttered, still not making eye contact but at least I had opened a line of communication.

"I have all kinds of juice. Do you have a favourite?"

"Mango" he replied quietly. I looked back at the one-way mirror behind me, taking a guess at where Hotch would be standing and hoping he got the memo to go get the juice.

"That is my absolute favourite flavour too!" I said to him, offering a smile. He very quickly glanced up at me before he looked back down at the table. "Jackson, I know all these agents have asked you a lot of questions, but I fear they may not have asked how you are. I want you to know that I'm here for you, not for any details you don't feel like sharing, so why don't we start with how you're feeling?" I heard him take a breath and his eyes started to wander the room a little as he contemplated answering the question. At that same time, the juice arrived from Hotch and I placed it in front of Jackson. He placed his hands around the cup and looked at me as though he was asking permission to drink.

"It's okay Jackson, you're safe here. Nobody can hurt you" I said while nodding, and with that affirmation, he took a drink.

It took me about half an hour of small talk and building that trust before Jackson told me about what he witnessed, the whole interview lasting about an hour. Hotch and Prentiss both watched the interview and took notes from the observation room while I worked. Before I left the BAU offices I went to talk to Hotch to offer a few pointers on working with Jackson from this point onwards, and just before I could knock on his door I overheard Morgan and Rossi in Rossi's neighbouring office. Again, I know eavesdropping is bad, but I was curious about the case so I happened to linger a little longer than I should have.

"Look it's just kind of obnoxious. We would have gotten that info had we been given a little more time" Morgan complained.

"I can see the occasional benefit but it does seem to be unnecessary at times. I'm not saying the victims aren't important, but we might be able to stop these bad guys a lot faster if we weren't thinking about everyone's feelings so frequently" Rossi chimed in.

"Look, it's all because the Bureau is trying to cut costs and by bringing her in, our team looks more collaborative and effective. It all just comes down to cost-benefit analysis. She's merely a supplemental resource for our team to stay funded, that's all" Spencer stated as my heart sank. I didn't realize he was in the room too and actively contributing to a conversation that sounded like it was about me. There's no way I heard that right... I continued to listen in disbelief.

"Prettyboy, I know she's your girlfriend, and she really is a great girl... but she's gotta stop bringing herself into cases and just let us do our jobs" Morgan added on.

"Guys it's Hotch who decides to call in additional people, and who he calls is up to him" Reid replied, speaking very matter-of-factly.

"Listen, had Reid and I had two more minutes we would've cracked him. We didn't need a 'feelings-fairy' to waltz in and take the credit" Morgan added, and then I heard Rossi and Reid laugh at Morgan's comment. I could recognize Reid's laugh anywhere, but for the first time ever, the sound of his laugh actually broke my heart.

I abandoned the idea of talking to Hotch and left the BAU through the back staircase so I wouldn't have to pass Garcia, JJ, and Prentiss on the way out. I hurried back to my office and shut the door, trying to process what I had just heard. The more my brain replayed his words, the more my stomach churned with anger and anxiety. I tried taking deep breaths and telling myself over and over that "clearly there's a better explanation as to why he didn't defend me. He loves me, he would never want to hurt me. Maybe you heard it wrong; you're just being overly emotional... you've been overly emotional about everything for the last week. Ask him about it when he gets home, everything is fine, he didn't mean it". Despite all of this, I was so nauseous that I took off to the bathroom down the hall, flying past the BAU offices in hopes nobody would catch me. I barely made it to the bathroom; I didn't even have time to see if there was anyone in the other stalls before puking. Before leaving, I splashed some cold water on my face and finally felt a little better. I walked out of the bathroom to see Morgan walking towards the bathrooms; I looked down to avoid eye contact and tried to brush past him.

"Hey, thanks for the assist with the witness, Hillburg! It was a huge help" he lied to me as he walked past.

"Happy that your 'feelings fairy' could be of service, SSA Morgan" I spat back before I could even think about it. Fuck. Way to be professional, Hillburg. I scurried off but heard Morgan do a bit of a double-take before entering the bathroom. Flying past the BAU and directly into my office, I turned my attention back to my work, only to be interrupted by my phone buzzing.

Spencer: Hey love, sorry I won't be able to do lunch today, the case is picking up. I promise I won't be home too late today though

I didn't even have anything to say to him right now, so I left him on read and went back to my work. Before I knew it, the time was 6:15 and I had done all I could do in a day. I checked my phone to find another text from Spencer which said he would be home around 7:30 and I could go ahead without him. Must have been a hefty case, and I didn't mind him working a little late today, I still wasn't feeling happy about what I had overheard today. I replied with a quick "I'll save you dinner" text and headed home.

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