14. Possibility

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Nandini didn't even realise but she had fallen asleep at some point, crying so much that she drained herself of energy. What woke her up was not the sound of a slamming door or an alarm of some kind but rather the sensation of fingers running along her brow. 

For a brief moment, she thought that it was Manik and then she opened her eyes and remembered that she was in their apartment room. Her eyes felt itchy and sore, eyelids swollen and tight. 

She really must have cried hard for them to feel that way and when she moved her gaze she saw Mukti perched on the side of the bed.

"Shit kid," her friend said in a soft voice. "You're burning up right now."

"I feel like I'm...dying," Nandini croaked at her, feeling another disgusting wave of emotions surging up into her chest. 

She didn't think that she could cry again but she might just to prove herself wrong. Her throat was dry and her voice sounded nasally to her ears.

"Scoot over," Mukti muttered and so she shifted over the mattress. Her friend lay down on the section that was now free and she folded an elbow under the pillow; the one that was probably still damp from her tears.

Nandini didn't know what her friend was going to say if she was going to say anything at all, and she just remained quiet and waited for Mukti to break the silence.

The apartment room seemed to fill with an atmosphere, something that made the air heavy and thick. Then the older one finally broke it.

"I'm sorry," Mukti said. "I'm sorry for what happened in the restaurant. I'm sorry that I said all of that shit and I'm sorry that I hurt you. It was fucking stupid, I acted rashly and I regret it." 

The older stopped talking and looked at her, then continued, "I've been thinking about a lot of things recently, a lot of crazy shit, but what happened made me realize that there are things in my life that I can live without. You're not one of those things kid. You're one of the few things I fucking need."

The younger's lips trembled, "Mukti."

"Wait, just let me get this shit out. I need you to keep me straight. You keep me sane, baby bear, because you're good. You're a good kid, a good thing, and there's not a lot of good things left. You're like a sister but even more than that, fuck, I treat you like the daughter I'll never have." 

Mukti paused before rapidly adding. "And I'm not one of those good things, I'm crooked and I don't deserve good things. That's why all of the good gets taken away from me, it's a fucking karma chain letter and it keeps coming back to get me. But I don't wanna lose you, Okay?"

"You're not going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere," Nandini said quietly and Mukti reached over to place a hand on the side of her head, patting her softly. 

The younger felt the comfort and she let out everything, "You were right about everything but I can't help it. I know that I fucked up and that I'm making a mistake but I can't stop. I keep going back to them, Mukti, and I'm going crazy."

Nandini felt the need to gnaw on her lip and she couldn't help herself. Her teeth sank into her lip, into the skin that Manik seemed to love licking and snagging between his own teeth.

She let out a sigh before continuing, "At first it was one boy, a runner and I bumped into him one day. He was so sweet and harmless, I kinda liked him 'cause of it, you know? And I kept crashing into him on my routes because he worked down in the same area mostly. After a few meetings, I happen to meet his best friend and that's when things got out of hand. His friend's a goon and at first, I kinda hated him because he seemed like trouble but then he... he started to change."

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