See You Around~ Grester (completed)

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Grace's POV

I often caught myself instinctively placing my hands on my bump whenever danger could be sensed, from arguing on the streets to fighting on the television; it all made me over-protective.

Something about the way their voices were raised and their fists moved made me jump into a world where everything was ten times worse and as soon as my eyes registered the danger, my brain told me to protect my unborn baby.

I found myself doing this more and more and soon it became a natural habit and there was something homely in my hands resting there.

The only thing I feared about pregnancy was disappointment. I was scared that something would go wrong and I'd never be able to forgive myself, I was scared that something would stop me from being the best I could but also I was frightened that maybe I just couldn't do it.

I was frightened of my child not being able to love me. They say as soon as your baby touches you, is placed into your chest and is cradled by your safe arms that you fall in love. That the baby knows you're their mother and it's comforting and homely; but what if my motherly instincts don't kick in?

What if my child is placed into my arms and nothing clicks? What if I am given my child and it feels the same as holding anyone else's? If I can't love, how can I expect my baby to?

So, at every opportunity, I held onto my bump as if my baby could wash away from me as soon as I lost contact. It wasn't healthy but it was enough, as close as I'd come to holding my child.

I have always struggled to connect with things that weren't staring in front of me, unlike Chester- who could see the future in the stars, I needed proof and I needed something real, something to stare at.

In three months I'd have that in front me, I could hold my child and it'd be mine, it'd be alive and real. It sounded stupid but there are only so many black and white pictures you can stare at before you begin to go mad, before the wait becomes too much and all you want is the miracle you created in your hands.

"You alright?" Chester asked me, as we walked into the doctor's clinic, squeezing my hand and grinning at me.

"Yeah, just a little nervous." I answered. walking up to the reception.

"Everything's gonna be fine Gracie." He said as we walked into the compact room.

The midwife greeted us with an overcompensating smile and I carried out the normal process of laying down on the bed and rolling up my t-shirt slowly. She placed the cold liquid onto my stomach and moved it around until the foetus was clear on the screen. She pointed to it shyly and Chester looked at me beaming.

"They've grown so much!" He grinned, looking at the screen awestruck. The nurse nodded at his comment and turned to us both.

"Would you like to know the sex?" She asked politely. I looked at Chester who looked at me and raised his shoulders, indicating that he didn't mind.

"Could we keep it a surprise?" I asked, looking up at Chester inquisitively who nodded in agreement.

"Of course," The midwife smiled, beginning to pack away the ultrasound.

"Could we listen to the heartbeat?" Chester asked, his voice an excitable plead.

"Sure." She moved a few things and pressed some buttons and the most beautiful sound filled the room.

You know when you feel as if there's something missing in your life, when you're surrounded by people but you feel lonely and then that one person texts you or comes along and suddenly you can smile truly and all your worries float away. And you know they were there all along but sometimes they need pointing out and being played in a room to appreciate their existence. I felt like that; I felt complete.

The gentle thud of two beats resonated across the room and my whole body was drawn to that one sound. For a while everything vanished in the world and I forgot who and where I was, all I knew was that this sound was the most important sound in my world.

I thought about the vowels I had heard Chester say and all the 'I love you's' I had ever heard and the way they had made shivers run through me and how in that moment they seemed like the only thing that was sane in my crazy planet but words only last a certain amount of syllables. They are said and the disappear. But a heart beat would always beat and I'd always have it to listen to if I ever needed the hope.

The words suddenly seemed minimal and irrelevant because I judged love on heart beats. Someone can say they love you but what does that really mean? If you are close enough to hear their heart and can hear it as much as you want, because they're always with you, they love you.

It's about how many times a person can make your heart skip a beat, make it stop and jump for a second. They can make your heart speed up and slow down; because there's always bad things in love, there's always scars. Each and every relationship is damaged but if you can hear their heartbeat at the end of every day, each and every day- whether they're with you or not, then you can rebuild any relationship.

Its a combination of things but my baby's heartbeat that filled the air right this second, to me, was eternal and I'd never let it go.