[ p o e t r y 2]

Try to Love

January 24th, 2018
Was the day I first emailed him.

June 25th, 2024
Was the day I last called him

July 28th, 2023
Was the day I last texted him

I've been calling my grandpa for 5 and 1/2 years
I've been in contact with him
For 2,011 days.
That's a 1/4th of my life.

And that's all the time I'll ever have.

In time, the percentage will decrease
By the time I'm 25,
I will have only have had 1/5th
Of my life in contact with him.
I'll never get another Sunday call.

But I am grateful for the time
I did have.

My grandpa died my friend.
That little girl
Who shook as she sent
Her first email
About punnet squares
And who was terrified
As she made her first few calls,
Would never have guessed
That 5 years later
Her grandpa would've died
Her friend.

I loved my grandpa
And in the end,
I know he loved me too.

I can't say I would've believed that before.

When I first started calling him,
I remember telling my dad
"Now it's going to hurt
When he dies"
And I was right,
He died,
And it hurts.

But it hurts because I tried.
And that's a hurt I can live with.

I talked about Jesus
I told him about my Sunday school class
I gave the glory to the Lord
(Whose glory it always has been).
I called every Sunday
I responded to every meme.
I let him in
To my crazy busy little world
And I loved him as I did.
And he loved me.

It feels as though I failed,
Because he died,
Still never knowing Christ.
And he died,
With 4 Sundays of missed calls,
And never hearing me say "I love you."
But he knew,
He knew I loved him,
Houghton's just say it differently.
We say it through Sunday calls
And prayer for the lost.

He's dead
And it hurts,
But it hurts because I tried.
And in the end,
That's all any of us can do:
Try.
Try to love.

07/29/23