His Lotus

21

Most Tamils don't pronounce the rai
in Thamarai, rather say as Thamara--pronounced as Tha-ma-reh.

Deva

What is wrong with me!? What do I feel for her so strong that I can't even imagine letting her be held by another person!? Why did I feel torn when she said that she liked the groom? Even then, though internally broken by her confession, why did I want her to be happy? Why do I care If he takes care of her or not? And last, of all, why did I feel painful while uttering that question to her...?

Do I love her?

I do...but I never knew it was this profound. Not in a romantic perspective but emotionally...

Gulping, I stare numbly at the scenery of the sun rising up in the sky. I have reached the city in the early morning as usual. But I couldn't fall asleep and decided to just sit on the balcony.

Leaning against the dangling chair, I close my eyes, which opened the scene of my Thamarai and the kiss I planted on her forehead. I couldn't name the rush of emotions I felt at that moment, but it was powerful to the extent that I, myself, couldn't regulate it.

Unlocking my eyelids, I sigh and saunter towards the lounge where my phone was resting on the couch. As I pick it up, I see the numerous message notifications from Iniya. I wished it was from Thamarai instead.

All of a sudden, I had this deep urge to talk to her. She didn't even show up to bid me bye. She just ran away after I kissed her forehead affectionately.

God knows why.

Strolling up to my room, I contact Thamarai. She must have woken up by now and probably would be preparing tea or drawing kolam perhaps...

The ring goes on for a few seconds before she picks it up. However, she stays silent on the other end. "Won't you speak?" I query as I enter the restroom and grab the brush.

"...tell Mama," she trails off, her voice hoarse. "Haven't you woken up yet?" I ask, genuinely surprised. "No mama, have caught a fever," I frown at her response. "You were perfectly alright yesterday..." I trail off, worried for her health.

"...don't know mama, maybe because of this chilly weather I guess," she speaks in a gloomy tone and all I wanted to do was be next to her and embrace her to me.

"Have you had the medicines?" I query further. "...just had a tablet mama," I heed the sniffing sound, followed by her sneezing.

"You have caught a cold too!?" I amuse in concern. "Did you dump a bucket of ice water on your head the last day or what!?" I proceed to berate her, for I can't stand her being unhealthy!

"...I drank ice water the past night mama," she admits and I click my tongue in disapproval. "You don't know how angry I'm over your idiotic acts right now..." I state calmly.

"Don't scold me, mama," she says in a small voice which renders my heart thaw. "Take rest, okay?" I put forth in a delicate tone.

"Okay mama, I will..." Her voice fades and she continues to speak again, "Have you reached mama?" I hum at her question before parting my lips to answer, "Getting ready to attend office...but honestly, I don't want to. I actually want to come back to our village," I respond my genuine thoughts while turning on the tap and drenching the head of the brush in water.

"Don't you want to spend time with your girlfriend mama?" She sounded so unbothered unlike me who gets instantly resentful even at the meager thought of her soon-to-be spouse!!

"Yeah but..," I sigh irritatedly. "It's okay mama, you are going to come back on Thursday to attend my engagement anyways.." her words of lighting me up instead made me darkened.

It's sick of me to say this but I don't want her to get married. I don't like her being with any guy except me, of course.

"How is his character?" I inquire, wanting to know in what way he is better than me. "Um...he is very caring and speaks non-stop to me," I grit my teeth in resentment.

"Oh...nice," I adduce, gripping the brush tighter. "So you've finally found your soulmate, huh?" I ask bitterly.

"I hope so mama..." She replies softly.

"Thamara.." I call, suddenly having the urge to see her. "Tell mama..." She says in her mellowy tone.

"I miss you," I really do. I want to care for her, annoy and tease her and want to witness the cute glare she directs towards me.

"I miss you, mama..." A small smile creeps onto my lips and I felt at peace, heeding her response.

"Seri (okay) bye then, take care of your health. Huh, and unblock me on the messenger..." I disconnect the call after listening to her small humming sound, followed by an 'Okay mama'.

I smile inwardly while pondering upon her calling me mama. I don't feel this silly feeling in my stomach when my other cousins mention me as the same.
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