His Lotus

11

Deva

While staring out the train window, all I could reminisce was of Thamarai's words. What did she mean by loving me? Firstly I assumed that she loves me in a respectful way because as per my understanding, be it a girl or boy, they would strive to talk to the person they are in love with, right? But Thamarai had never done that, instead, she had strayed away from me, which appeared as though she has no interest in me, hence why I speculated that her 'love for me' is said in a casual manner...

However, now that I couldn't stop thinking about her, my brain analyses her words more profoundly. Would it be that she had loved me in a romantic way? Then why hasn't she taken any step to attain me? Why she did distance herself? And what made her love for me disappear now? Have I really changed as she said so?

I'm going nuts without knowing the right meaning behind her words.

Ruffling my hair, I lean back on the seat and shut my eyes. I should just stop articulating things and chill. I wouldn't want to be diagnosed with blood pressure at this age.

And with that, I fell into a short slumber and woke up when I reached Chennai around 4 am. Once reaching my apartment through a cab, I perch my bag on the couch and rush to my room. Removing my shirt, I fall onto the mattress and within seconds, sleep caressed me.

"Hi, what did your parents say?" That's the first message I'm prone to as soon as I open my phone at late 8 am. "Against it at first, but agreed because of my consistency," I type away to Iniya while rubbing my eyes.

"So we are officially commencing to date from today!?" She exclaims.

"Hm, yeah," I agree, feeling a bit unsettled.

I'm new to this dating culture and I fucking don't know If I've taken the right decision. Especially after Thamarai's words, my mind is in utter chaos. I don't love her, of course! But when she said she doesn't love me anymore, it drove me mad, absolutely insane. Maybe it's just my ego that craves her love to be intact even when I start dating another girl? But I don't have the same thinking when it comes to my other cousins, why?

Gosh!

Cool down...

My subconscious advices and I frustratedly throw the phone onto the bed, neglecting the various love emojis sent by Iniya.

The only way to handle this is by putting a stop to my thoughts about Thamarai. She is a danger to my mental health.

Subsequently, as usual, I get ready to attend the office and flee on my bike to the said destination. Once I attain there, I enter the building and was welcomed by a warm and tight hug of Iniya. My colleagues had different expressions, ranging from never mind to disgust.

And what I feel was...awkward.

"Back off Iniya," I tap at her arms and she giddily divides herself and smiles up at me. She has worn a black churidar today and it's really gorgeous on her.

"You look pretty in this attire," I compliment genuinely while she goofily raises her shoulder and grins.

"Thanks, you yourself are handsome in this blue shirt..." I lend her a small smile and walk over to my cabin, disregarding how she follows me behind.

"Er...we will chat in the break time," I say as I perch on my respective seat. "Okay, I will miss you until then," she leans down to kiss my cheeks but I close her mouth using my hands. "We are just on the first day, let's take it slow..." I utter composedly and leave her.

"Fine then.." she blows me a flying kiss and excuses herself.

"You are missing every golden opportunity, Deva! Why are you like this? Gosh...why don't girls thirst over me like they do over you!?" He groans from his seat, opposite mine.

"...don't raise my temper in the morning itself. I'm already not in a good mood," I shake my head, and turn the computer on.

"How can you be not in a good mood when you were literally greeted by a tight cuddle from Iniya? Tell me...how did it feel?" He winks suggestively while I throw him a dirty look.

Getting the hint, he steadies himself.

"Fine...I guess something went wrong in your family?" I nod. "They don't want me to date but I decided against it and then Thamarai..." I trail off, confused as to how to explain about it.

"You have chosen the right decision. But what happened to my Lotus? Is she okay!?" I frown at him, loathing how he mentions her as his. "Was the kick on your balls not hard enough?" I send him a vexed stare.

"Don't you dare!" He hisses.

"But what's up with Thamarai though?" He asks again.

"Will explain it later, let's meet up in my apartment, yeah?" He nods and we continue to do our job...

During the break time, at the cafeteria, Iniya clings to my arms. Harsh and Lali give me teasing looks but I just can't stop feeling a bit uncomfy.

"How about we go to the movie today? At 10 pm?" She winks at me. "Yeah, we can," I accept, just so I wouldn't have to give her a long explanation for why we don't have to go.

"Uh...I'm so excited" She rubs her arms with mine and starts to blabber while I respond when needed.

She is good at talking and finds different topics when one ends. It's entertaining to be with her, excluding the fact that she is way too touchy.

At the end of the office hours, she gives me an indirect kiss by touching her lips with her fingers and placing them against my cheeks. In the freaking parking lot with all the people around.

I somehow tolerated it but as soon as I was in the apartment with Harsh at my tail, he begins to laugh out loud, recollecting that exact scene that he has also witnessed.

"God...what is she and what is that reaction you had on?" He clutches his stomach and falls on the couch with his boisterous laughter. I was irritated at first but looking at his face, I couldn't help but burst into laughter too.

Her action now appears funny to me as well...

Afterward, once our laugh dies down, we make ourselves home and Harsh starts to drink while I resolute to stay sober as I had agreed to go to the movie with Iniya.

As I inform the same to Harsh, he gives me a knowing smile.

"Okay, tell me about what happened with Thamarai now..." he begins as I lean against the foot of the couch. I told him what she had exactly said so and added my messed up feelings too.

"So you're confused about whether she loves you or not? And whether you love her or not?" He speaks with a frown. "I don't love her! She must be in love with me. Well....she said she had been in love with me. But I don't know what that love means? Did she say it in a romantic manner or a respectable one? And why do I even care when she said that she doesn't love me anymore? Besides all that, Thamarai is actually getting married pretty soon," I prattle aimlessly.

"What the fuck!?" He yells and I offer him a suspicious glance. "She is my favorite," I shift my legs towards him, and getting the hint, he safeguards himself and moves away.

He then initiates to speak seriously.

"Man...you are just torturing yourself with irrelevant thoughts about Thamarai. I don't think she ever had feelings for you and neither do you. Cause whenever I visited your place, I have noticed her completely ignoring you. If she ever had interest in you, wouldn't she have become a tail to you like your other cousins. So don't confuse yourself, Deva. You are going on the right track by dating Iniya, just enjoy with her..." As he finishes, my heart twists at the assumption that Thamarai never had feelings for me.

Though hurt inside, I decided to set aside it and begin a fresh journey with Iniya...

I hope it goes well.