His Lotus

26

Deva

Like me more?

Why does this heart of mine feel relieved at her confession? God! How am I supposed to love her when she is to get married within a month? She just told me that she likes me more than her fiance...does it mean what I think it is or is she just kidding around with me!?

I have no idea but I'm definite I love her and it's certainly very complicated. First of all, I'm not sure of what she is feeling towards me, and secondly...ain't I dating Iniya already? Isn't what I'm doing is equivalent to cheating? I feel guilty to have even touched Thamarai when I'm committed to Iniya. But I know I would once again lose myself If Thamarai comes before me...cause I love her and it hurts me that she likes her fiance!

What a fantabulous situation I'm stuck in! I can't let go of Thamarai...not to that emotionless bastard. Concurrently, I don't want to hurt Iniya too but being with her when I've let my heart be stolen by someone else is as worse as cheating.

I should break up with her soon but this is not the right time as she is already distressed due to her mother's health. She would be attaining Chennai at night, hence I was waiting for the night to fall so that I could check about her whereabouts and her mother's condition. I hope she would be alright...

And now, I need to speak to Thamarai and derive her thoughts regarding me. My mind reels back to the times when we have done anything other than bickering and nagging each other like an old age couple. How did I even fall for her!? Perhaps, due to my misconception of love...I had delayed realizing my feelings for too long.

Yet I'm glad I wasn't late. There's still time for her marriage.

At the moment, as the twilight begins to dawn, I descend the stairs of my home. Outside, my cousins except Maithili were playing hopscotch. The elders of our families aren't there, therefore, my Thamarai has gained some courage and is now pleading with the other cousins to let her play once...

Leaning against a pillar installed on the veranda of my home, I watch as she was permitted to play. She grins widely in glee and gets into action. I couldn't focus on the game as I was too engrossed in her delicious beauty.

Her dark skin was as exquisite as the befalling twilight...those shimmering eyes...her sparkling smile...the voluptuous bosoms that occupies her chest...the slippery waist...

I think I shouldn't unravel about the things downward. But my brain is quick in forming some inappropriate images.

"Thank you!" She says to them after she is done playing and turns around, only to be greeted by me. Her eyes instantly face the ground. "Come here," She shakes her head negatively and takes off to her home.

I chase her behind and enter her home. Her mother is in the lounge, watching a dramatic serial intently that she could care less about her surroundings.

Taking the opportunity, I ascend the stairs behind Thamarai. "Why are you stalking me?" She asks me breathlessly as she gets inside her room. "Thamara...I'm going to ask you something very important. Answer me truthfully, okay?" I bolt the door securely as I swirl to her now anxious self.

"What are you doing mama..." She trails off, looking at the locked door.
"Do you really like me more than your fiance?" Her attention sweeps to my face at my question. She nods timidly and steps back as I move forward.

"Then you should marry me, not him, right?" Her gaze strikes to my eyes again, in pure shock. "Look mama... enough of teasing me," who is teasing who!?

"I'm not Thamara!" She gives me a skeptical glance. "Fine, then let's get married, come," she advances towards me and grabs at my hand. She still hasn't believed me!

"I will do it If that is what makes you trust me," yet again, she sends me a blank stare. "What has gotten into you, mama? What do you think of me? You already have a girlfriend, have you forgotten about her as soon as she left?" She demands, frowning.

"I broke up with her...well, I will break up with her. I need you," I say impatiently. "Mama, you have gone nuts!" She shifts away and turns her back to me. "Loosu! (Crazy) You are the one who is behaving nuts! I'm telling the truth, okay? I'm going to break up with Iniya.." I shout, frustrated by her demeanor.

"And why?" She asks softly.

"All because of you," she remains silent. I cautiously walk towards her and wrap a hand around her shoulder and pull her back to me. Her body crashes against mine and I could tell that she's nervous. "I know it's very stupid of me to confess this now when your marriage is fixed. But I guess that's what made me realize what I feel for you..." I pause as a tear falls from her eyes.

"You are not pranking me...are you?" She queries, sounding earnest. "No Thamara, I'm not," my other hand wind around her waist as I hold her tightly to my body. "I need you Thamara," I bury my face in the crook of her neck and she jerks before gripping my hand to stable herself.

"Me too mama. I need you..." My heart skips a beat at her words. And we just stand there in each other's embrace, unbothered about the numerous uncertainties that creep up to divide us...

"Meet me in the coconut grove...at 10 pm," I speak into her neck and she shudders as she nods her head.

As I separate myself from her, she holds onto my palm and squeezes it as If to make sure this is real.

Meanwhile, I just sigh, feeling truly peaceful after a very long time. She is who brings me serenity and I'm not planning to let her slip away anymore.

____________________