What Sirius never said

Chapter 58

Sirius and I were just coming back from an evening stroll up the hill, when mum called to us from the kitchen. I doubled back round the outside of the house and walked through the back door. We were greeted by a very enthusiastic Maisie, yapping and barking away, and the sight of mum sat at the kitchen table, pieces of parchment strewn around her and her reading glasses perched precariously on the end of her nose. Adam was leant against the sink with a glass of water.
"Trudy, I've just had a letter from Mrs Cleverly" she started, putting down the scroll of parchment that she was currently reading. "She's asked us down again in August" she told us. I nodded in understanding. "And I wanted to know who to say was coming." She looked between Sirius and I. Sirius opened his mouth to ask what we were talking about, evidently understanding that this involved him somehow.
"It's our annual family holiday to Devon" I told him quickly. "We always stay in the same cottage down the coast from Torquay, and it's owned by Andy's parents".
"Obviously we would love Sirius and Sophie to be there with us" mum continued. "But as I understand you two haven't told anyone... Sophie, Andy, Paige".
I started chuckling as a realisation hit me. "As it happens mum, Andy is the one friend that does actually know".
"Yeah, and I told Sophie" Adam chipped in. I looked at him aghast but he just shrugged. "I tell her everything, she's my girlfriend" he said.
"So it would just be Paige that didn't know?" Mum asked, looking between us.
"Paige Cleverly?" Sirius asked. "The little first year Griffindor?"
"That's the one".
We all shared a look. "She's not subtle" I started.
"But she's not a gossip" Adam defended her.
I looked at Sirius, long and hard. "We're pretty good at acting like just friends" I said. I heard Adam snort behind me but ignored him. "I'm sure we can manage it while we're on holiday."
"So shall I tell them there will be 6 of us?" Mum asked.
"What about it mate?" Adam asked Sirius. "Do you want to come on our family holiday?"
A slow smile formed across Sirius' face.
"I'd love to".

Later that night, Sirius and I sequestered ourselves in my room for some time alone before he left. I pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. "Do you want to tell people about us? You know, with the holiday, and with Paige?"
He shook his head without a moment's hesitation. "No".
"Why not?" I asked. My chest tightened slightly as a strange fear of him being ashamed of me came to the surface. I knew it was ridiculous as the secrecy had been my idea, but I couldn't help but over think it.
"Well, firstly, all your points about not being in relationships at school. I get them and I think they're admirable and I don't want to change your opinions.
Secondly..." He paused, working out how to say what he wanted to say. "I don't want to put your family in danger. I mean, with the whole death eater thing, it scared me. It made me realise how vulnerable you are" I made to interrupt him but he carried on talking over me. "You and your whole family. You read the paper yesterday! They're hurting muggles. And if attention is drawn to your family. With the grocery shop. You're massively pro muggle and they would come after you." He paused as if collecting his thoughts again.
"And if we came out and publicly said we were dating... I know my parents haven't said anything yet, but they've undoubtably been listening out for something. They know they can't stop me being a disappointment while it's just me in the situation, but if the public, if people, if their friends knew about you. I'm worried they would ask people to deal with you. With your family. With the muggles" Sirius had stopped meeting my eyes and I could tell from his voice that he was genuinely scared. His fear seeped into me and I pulled him in close, burying my face in his shoulder. He was right, my family were at risk in this war. But we had to be. We had to stand up for what was right. And I loved this community that we lived in. I felt Sirius' breath flutter my hair, then he bent his neck and kissed me gently on the top of my head. "I just don't trust them Tru" he continued in a whisper. "I don't trust my parents not to ruin everything I hold dear. And I love you Tru. I want to hold you closer than all and protect you".
I wanted to argue back, to say that I could defend myself, that nothing would happen to me. But we were in the middle of an age of war. And those were empty promises that I couldn't keep. We stayed like that for a while. Silent, holding each other in the quiet and stillness of my bedroom. My heart went out to him. I worried for him too, for the life he had created that could be so easily taken away. We didn't move and didn't say anything, but in that moment I felt like our hearts beat as one, like we learnt alot about each other.
When Sirius approached the fireplace later that night, he kissed me gently on the lips.
"I love you Trudy" he said somberly, searching my face for something. He evidently found it because he gave me a small smile. Then he threw a pinch of powder from the box on the mantle piece into the fire, shouted "Daeran House" and stepped into the emerald green flames.