What Sirius never said

Chapter 50

We made it on our hiking excursion up the mountains behind the castle. We had a lovely time, but that was the last we spent any time alone together for a while. Throughout May and June I hardly saw Sirius at all as we spent so much time working. We were due to take our Charms and Transfiguration N.E.W.T exams with the seventh years at the start of July but our other subjects weren't letting up as we had school exams approaching too. While the exams themselves weren't official, the grades we got would still advise the teachers as to our predicted grades. Something that was very important if we wanted to apply for jobs straight after school. We spent as many evenings working on our other three subjects - Defence against the dark arts, Herbology and Potions for me, Defence against the dark arts, Muggle studies and Astronomy for him - as we did revising AMT. I spent hours every evening ensconced in the common room with Andy and Kate, going through endless potion lists, maps of werewolf transformations and Snarggaluff growth stages. Or else going over and over my notes on complete amphibious Transfiguration or enchanting a cat to sing. Sirius and I didn't need to work together as we had no new content to read, no new essays to write, however that didn't stop him asking me questions if he got stuck, closely followed by James or Lily who seemed to struggle just as often.

I had my first exams on the Monday; Potions. I failed to make my potion turn the clear gold I was looking for but thanks to Andys coaching I was pretty confident with my answers to the written part of the exam. Then after dinner I went straight into revision for Transfiguration on the Tuesday. My friends had their charms exams on the Wednesday so I met up with Sirius, Lily and James in the library to revise. While we didn't talk much, Sirius slid a note across the table to me. I opened it under the table so the other two wouldn't see.
'I want to see you. Meet me in the orangerie tonight'
I could feel his eyes on me so I nodded subtly, keeping my face close to my parchment.

Jane and Charlie found me first after their exam. I was still in the library, though on my own now. The boys had left to find Remus and Peter, and Lily had gone to find Mary.
"How did it go?" I whispered over to my friends as they slid in their seats. I took this opportunity to stretch my back too, reaching my arms up over my head.
"Horrible" Jane sagged in her seat, burying her face in her hands. "Really truly awful. I messed up my cheering charm, was so keen with my levitation charm that I sent my chair flying up into the rafters, and even my banishing charm was dangerously close to missing the target." Charlie rubbed her back, grimacing.
"It wasn't so bad Jane. Your chair was nowhere near the ceiling, it was just a few feet into the air. It really wasn't so bad".
But it was too late. Jane was sobbing quietly into her arms. I got up too and put a hand on her back.
"It won't be so bad as you think Jane. I promise." I squeezed her arm reassuringly. "How did you find it Charlie?" I ask, turning to him.
He shrugged "it was okay. Nothing to write home about."
I nodded.
Andy arrived then. I looked up hopefully at him and he gave me a broad smile and a thumbs up. I had coached all of them over the last few days, giving a few pointers, but I had gone over and over several of the spells with him, like he had helped me with Potions. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief before giving Jane another squeeze.
"I'm sorry" she said, sitting up and wiping her nose on her sleeve. "It's just..."
"Stress" we all responded. It had hit everyone hard and I was also prone to spontaneous tears for no reason.
"Don't worry, I get it" I told her. "I cried the other day when Adam said hi to me. No more reason than that." She chuckled weakly and straightened a little in her chair.
"Just a few days more and it'll all be over". Charlie reassured her and that seemed to do the trick. She wiped her eyes and gritted her teeth.
"You're right. I need to revise for Divination." So we cracked on with our work.

Three hours later and none of the others fancied any dinner. So I said my goodbyes and made my way through the halls in search of some food. I grabbed a sandwich from the great hall and headed out to the orangerie.
I wasn't surprised to find Sirius there before me. He was laid out on the table, starting straight up at the glass roof.
"Hey" I called out when I entered the room.
"Hey" he smiled back. Then he caught sight of my bag. I dropped it in the floor by the door and with the sound of the thump his face fell. "No Trudy. I can't. I can't. Please don't make me".
"Can't do what?" I asked, genuinely concerned.
"I can't do more revision. I will tomorrow but just... Not now. Not this evening. It won't go in. Please".
It was my turn to smile. "I was really hoping you might say that. I really can't do any either right now."
I made my way over to the table, leaving my bag where it had fallen, and climbed onto it to lie next to him. "What do you have next?" I asked casually.
"Muggle Studies tomorrow. You?"
"Nothing until charms".
"I hate exams".
"Me too".
We lay in silence for a while, both lost in our own thoughts. I watched the clouds go by overhead. Suddenly an idea came to me. I sat upright.
"You know what we need?"
"What?"
"A pampering night".
Sirius raised an eyebrow at me, a smirk twitching on his lips.
"Go on then".
So we did. I ran to collect my pampering things from my room and returned ladened with face masks and moisturizers, cakes and ice-cream from the kitchens. Sirius threw himself into the event. He took on everything that was offered, from the seaweed scrub on his legs to the moisturising socks on his feet. And it was when he had a green, goopy facemask smothered across his features that I looked at him. He smiled at me. The kind of smile that smouldered. I felt my heart flutter, and in that moment, I knew I loved him. Not that I could tell him. But I knew. And it made the evening all the more fun and relaxing to know I was in the company of the man I loved. And was in love with.
Which was a good thing because the next week of exams was hellish, but the thought that got me through was simple.
I'm in love with Sirius Black.