LGBTQIA+ Oneshots

Chaotic Outing

Spider-Noir x Hobie Brown
Spider-Verse
Non-binary, Gay, Unlabeled, Asexual

Word count: 814

"And then he was like blah, blah, blah... Like we all don't know he's fucking Peter B. I mean, they're not being as fucking sneaky as they think they are. Especially with Mayday, I salute that little thing but like... It's being kind of a snitch, you know. All kids probably are. They're not really-"

"Hobie." Noir grabbed their hip and pulled them closer, sitting the both of them down, making sure Hobie would land on his lap.

Immediately, Hobie turned into a purple color palette. They weren't sure if Noir was even able to recognize it because he didn't seem to understand the concept of colors and or colorblindness. But they found it cute that Noir always thought everything was purple so it kind of turned into a symbol of loving him.

"Remember that I wanted to talk to you about something, Hob?" "Oh, right, yeah." Hobie let themselves relax into the hug of their boyfriend, resting their head against his shoulder. They noticed how Noir's glasses shimmered in that somehow always-clean way they were never quiet able to comprehend because they couldn't even get their spikes and pins to stay clean.

Most of the time, at least.

"It's probably not as interesting as the rumors about Miguel and Peter B. dating but-" "Oh, it's not a fucking rumor. I literally saw them. I mean, imagine Peter B. being balls deep inside Miguel. I mean, I always-" "Hobie. I usually do love your quirky personality but-"

"Pretty bloody sure quirky is actually an insult." Hobie said, rolling their eyes at their partner in a teasing way.

Noir got up like Hobie weighed nothing, immediately grabbing them so they wouldn't fall to the ground and pressing them into the couch cushions. Hobie looked down on the hand that was pressing them into the couch and the way they had spread their legs and Noir was towering over them now, most of his weight balanced on the knee he had put on the couch between Hobie's thighs.

"Oi, that's bloody kinky."

Noir looked their position up and down and raised an eyebrow in confusion: "What?"

"I mean-"

"Never mind!" Noir quickly interrupted and sat down on Hobie's lap, hoping to get them to finally shut up so they could have a serious talk. "I will try to say something now and I need you to listen to me. Do you understand?"

Hobie made a zipping motion over their mouth and then pretended to throw away the key. They kind of liked having Noir sit on top of them. The weight was very calming.

Noir took their hand to make sure they were paying attention to him. "Okay, so I know we've talked about you being non-binary and not having like a real label about... well.. people you're into. I did some... I don't know, the thing on the glowing plate thing." "Googling?" "That thing, yeah." Noir waved a hand through the air and Hobie laughed, putting their hands on Noir's hip and pulling him close to their body.

"Well, I found something out that sounded a lot like me. It's called asexual and I-" "You learned how to google for that? Bitch, I could have told you that like in the thirties." "Did you just call me bitch? And insulted the time where I come from?" "Well, technically-"

"Surprise Attack." Noir sighed and went to punch Hobie in the side in the same motion. Immediately, Hobie reacted, grabbing his hand and pulling him off their lap, pressing them into the cushions next to them, fixating his hands.

"Truce!" they laughed and laid down on top of their boyfriend, crossing their arms on his chest and looking down to him. "I'm fine with it. We're fine. You being ace changes nothing. I'm honestly surprised it took you that bloody long to realize." "In the 30s being anything but a straight white cis man was not really an option. I was not aware of something like being asexual even existing."

"Are you really asexual or something on the spectrum?" Hobie softly asked, pushing the piercing on their lip around with their tongue. "I'm not sure what that means but I do not want sex. Ever. I like having you close and kissing you and tasting your tongue piercings when making out. But I do not want to touch your dick or want you to touch mine or whatever. Never." "Okay." Hobie leaned in and pressed a kiss to their boyfriend's lips.

"I ain't stopping saying kinky, though." Hobie grinned. "You've been saying this since I can remember and I've never known what it meant anyway so... Do your thing." Hobie started laughing again and pulled something out of his pocket: "Reminds me: I got something for you."

"Another cube I do not understand the concept of?" "You solved the other ones, you will figure that one out."