How do I say this?

Chapter 22

After a few more minutes of procrastinating, I finally decided that enough was enough. I got up from the couch, slipped on my shoes, and headed out the door.

"Nelisa,I'll be right back"I said softly,hoping she replies me,but she didn't.

As I walked down the street, I felt a sense of freedom and liberation. I was no longer trapped inside my home, but was instead out in the world, free to explore and discover new things.

As I made my way to the store, I scanned through the aisles, trying to decide what to get. There were so many options, so many different snacks to choose from.

After a few minutes of browsing, I finally settled on a bag of chips and a bottle of soda. I decided to get some for mum and Nelisa.It wasn't the healthiest choice, but it was exactly what I was craving.

As I made my way back home, As I walked down the street, I saw him. My dad. This man has cause me more harm than good,I couldn't believe he literally appears everywhere I go to. For a moment, I was frozen in place, unable to move or speak. I didn't know what to do.

As I stood there, staring at him, I felt a mix of emotions. Anger, sadness, confusion, and more. I had so many questions for him. Why did he leave? Did he ever think about me,my mom, and my sister ? Did he know how much he had hurt us?

I took a deep breath and walked up to him. He looked up and saw me, and for a moment, we just staring at each other. I could see the pain in his eyes, and for a moment, I felt sorry for him. But then I remembered all the pain he had caused me and my mom, and the anger returned.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. I didn't know what to say. Finally, I managed to choke out a few words. "Why did you leave us?"

He looked away, unable to meet my gaze. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know I messed up. I should have stayed. I should have been there for you and your mom."

I felt a wave of anger wash over me. "That's not good enough," I said. "You can't just come back and expect everything to be okay. You hurt us. You abandoned us. You can't just say you're sorry and expect me to forgive you."

He looked at me, and I could see the pain in his eyes. "I know," he said. "I know I messed up. But I want to make things right. I want to be a part of your life again."

I didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to forgive him, to let him back into my life. But another part of me was scared. What if he hurt me again? What if he left again?

For a moment, we just stood there in silence, staring at each other. I didn't know what the future held, but I knew one thing for sure. I would never forget this moment, the moment I saw her dad again after all these years.

"I wish you the best!"I took a deep breath trying not to let my emotions wash over me.

"But Emily..."He tries to speak but I walk away heading home.

When I got home,I opened up the bag of chips and took a bite. The crunchiness and saltiness filled my mouth, satisfying my hunger and my cravings.

"You can have some"I give Nelisa hers to taste.

She testified it was yummy.
And as I sat back down on my couch, munching on my snacks, I felt relaxed. I had finally taken care of my hunger, and now I could enjoy the rest of my day, free from the distraction of my growling stomach.

I pulled through my phone,opening my note pad which had almost all the things i don't say out in it.I clicked on a poem which I wrote when I was 16 years old waiting for my dad to come to me.

I read it out:
Dear dad, it's been so long since I've seen your face,
Since I've felt your embrace, since I've been in your grace.
I know you're out there somewhere, living your life,
But I can't help but wonder, if you ever think of your strife.

You left us when I was little, just a child,
And I didn't understand, I was so mild.
I didn't know why you had to go,
Why you didn't want to be part of our show.

I missed you so much, I cried every night,
I wanted to see you, to hold you tight.
But you were gone, and it hurt so bad,
And I was left with a feeling of being sad.

As I grew up, I learned to live without you,
To be strong, to be brave, to be true.
But there were moments when I needed you most,
When I needed your guidance, your love, your host.

I wonder what you're doing, where you are,
If you ever think of us, if you ever go far.
I wonder if you know how much we've grown,
How much we've changed, how much we've flown.

I hope that one day, you'll come back to us,
And we can be a family, without any fuss.
I hope that one day, we can make things right,
And we can be together, in the same light.

But until then, I'll keep living my life,
With or without you, without any strife.
For I am strong, I am brave, I am true,
And I'll keep living, no matter what I go through.

Dear dad, I forgive you for leaving us behind,
For not being there, for being so blind.
I hope that one day, you can forgive yourself too,
And we can start anew, just me and you.
***
"I was so crazy to have written this back then!"I pursed my lips deleting it and any other copies found.

"Did you drink alcohol before you typed this?"Nelisa laughs.
"Nah! I can't remember what happened that day exactly,but I think I really needed his presence at that moment "I replied.

"His our past,And the past should never affect the present"Nelisa says softly. "Alright I will go and have my bath"She stretched her arms leaving.

"It's 12 noon already Nelisa" I roll my eyes.
"Whatever"She yells back from her room.

Staying at home is quite boring,It's not up a week I missed classes but I already miss my friends especially Ava.

I was sitting on the couch, scrolling through my phone,
Thinking about my best friend, feeling so alone.We hadn't talked in a while, and I missed her so much,I wanted to hear her voice, to feel her touch.

I thought about calling her, but decided to wait,To see if she would call me, before it got too late.And then, my phone rang, and I saw her name,My heart skipped a beat, and I felt no shame.

"Ava!How are you doing?"
I answered the phone, and heard her sweet voice.
"I'm fine Emily,How are you?"Her voice sounds low.
"I'm okay,What's wrong?"
"I missed you Emily,At some point I felt like a part of my body was missing"
"I missed you too" I feel so lucky,And I knew in that moment, I had made the right choice.
"Why didn't you come for classes?"Her voice deepens a little.
"Well..I..I..I mean,I had something urgent to do"I lied.
"More important than your academics?"She asked.
"Yes,It's more important than my academics"I replied.
"Okay,So tomorrow is valentine,Are you as excited as I am?"She seemed happy.
"No I'm not,Who celebrates valentine on April?"I roll my eyes.
"Our school does,It doesn't matter when,It's just has to come from the heart"
"Whatever I'm not going"
"Why?"
"I don't want to"
"Okay If you say so,I'll update you about everything that will happen tomorrow"
"Alright..."My voice shakes.

We talked for hours, about everything and more,And I felt so happy, like I had never before.

I knew that our friendship would always last.It didn't matter that we hadn't talked in a while,Because when we did, it was worth every mile.

I felt so grateful, to have her in my life,To have a friend who would always be by my side.And as we said our goodbyes, I felt a sense of peace,Knowing that our friendship would never cease.

The call ends and I felt so glad I spoke to her.

So if you have a friend, who you haven't talked to in a while,Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and dial.
Because when you do, you'll feel so much better,
And your friendship will be stronger, forever and ever.