Watch Your Step

Mating Season ///

1922

A few more instructions were included in the last pages of the journal. On how to make an anesthetic, an antidote to the sedative (but I won't be needing that) and the ointment to apply on my skin so the monsters wouldn't eat me. I still want to re-read the tell tale of her success but the candle I lit had already melted and the room was now deep in darkness. Tomorrow, I'll start by throwing a cow in the lake.

The nimbus clouds in the horizon indicate rain. A good sign. I led the cow I bought towards the cliff. A small price to pay. The author said it is important that the monsters are not hungry to increase the chances of my survival. With some rope and planks, I made a contraption that I learned from a carpenter's book. The cow walked the plank and mooed one last time. Then I pulled the lever and the poor animal tumbled down in the rocks to be fodder for the monsters.

I followed all the procedures in the journal and I have swept clean all the preparations to be done. My body reeked of seaweed now and I felt the numbness on my hands as I clenched it. An old woman passed by on my way to the lake and she said, "Young lady, it's not safe to wander near the lake this late in the day."

"I was just on my way home," I replied with a smile, "Thank you."

But I knew exactly where I was headed.

The moon was hiding beyond the clouds and the water in the lake was far off from the shore. I looked at the lake, dark and stagnant. Despite all their warnings, I marched towards it. Untying my clothes as I dipped my feet into the water. A woman who can't bear a child has no purpose, was replaced in my mind, by hope, by the wonder of how it would be to bear my own child?

A movement in the water — a ripple— collided with my naked body. All my instincts were telling me to run but I braced myself for what's coming. I gasped softly not wanting to aggravate them. They're real, which means, my dream would become real too. The next second, I was standing toe to toe with this magnificent creature. It has fins on its head, on its ears, on its hind arms and legs. It sniffed me and the gills on its neck and its ribs flapped. Then it strongly grabbed me on the shoulders and laid me down on the shallow water.

I reached for the outer unknown sky and hoped that my wish would be granted. As I felt the juice of life flowing inside me, I slid my hand on its slimy scales and locked my legs on its hips. I wanted all of it. Then I sang:

Their fins and gills are sharp to kill

They crawl out of the water

They'd snatch a lass and tore her dress

and put their seeds thereafter.

I wonder, Did it see the same beauty as I had seen on them? That all along I was not useless as I lived to be, if only I had given this choice earlier. No, on our own we have the choice to bear a child or not. I am not useless and my purpose does not only revolve in having a child. But here it is and I regret nothing.

As sudden as it came, the creature submerged to the depths of the unknown once it had fulfilled its purpose. Marked by claws, I carried them back to the inn where I shall raise them. There in that cold, damp, haven.

I have prepared my food to endure three winters. But I won't have to wait that long.

Months later, I was already rubbing my bulging stomach. As I swayed to and fro on my rocking chair, I hummed the same tune of Jack and Jill.

After another month, I gave birth. It was still painful even with all the preparations I've done. I had to do it all alone. Soon enough, the juvenile stages of my first delivery slithers inside the room, chasing and hissing at each other. "Be good now," I hushed, "no biting with your brothers and sisters."

They're such a handful. But I found not just my purpose in them but also my hope. For once, I could say that hope came from me. They are the light in my moonless nights. They're the stillness in my murky waters. They're my lovely beautiful children.

My stocks of food will soon perish. It would not be long before they become hungry and eat me. I wouldn't complain. It would be my joy. And at last, it would be my purpose.