Watch Your Step

Birds and Bells (2)

After lunch, we visit his apartment. Its lights are dim as usual. But I still have to adjust to the rotting scent of the air freshener that barely masks the stench of his dirty quarters, his aftershave, and his week-old laundry. I sit on his desk chair where it's bearable, him on his bed. I look around just to busy myself.

Right here, right now, break up with him, I think. No, not in his territory. I can still feel his eyes crawling on my skin. His contempt to push me down on the bed to please himself.

All of a sudden, he moves closer. I prepare myself only to hear him say, "I love you, Bea."

It sounds sincere but I don't respond. Then he backs away, looks at me as if I just committed a crime. Is he going to slap me again? It had happened before.

By reflex, I reluctantly mumble, "I love you too." Then he leans forward till we kiss. Only to break us apart from the sound of my alarm.

"How many times have I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THAT THING OFF!" He shouts at me, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

I immediately turn off the alarm and say sorry. Then he also apologizes for shouting.

I think he remembers. What I told him before that I don't like shouting because it reminds me so much of my parents fighting.

He's not easy to forget as much as I do. But it's what he wants me to do every time he does something that we both know is wrong. To forget. He begins kissing me again.

Afterward, he views his phone and informs me that we're going to a party tonight. He takes a bath again because he's the type of person who easily sweats.

Before my alarm blares again at 4:00 pm I stop it. We're now inside his car and again I'm in the front seat while he drives.

"You know maybe we can buy something for my Mom in case I come home late."

"No, we're almost there," Earl asserted.

"Or you can just drive me home early?"

"I said no. You're sleeping in my apartment."

I shut my mouth.

Soon, we arrive at what I can call a palace. It's more of a mansion with herds of people lining up to get in. Earl tells me we won't have to because he's friends with someone inside.

I feel like a VIP as we walk alongside the immaculate fountain, the animal-trimmed bushes, and the medieval lamp posts like those in a theme park.

There are more people inside than it looks from the outside, but I don't know any of them. I focus on the architecture of the mansion which exudes a sense of grandeur. With its tall ceilings, large windows, and beautiful facade.

I want to touch the Victorian curtains, the elegant tapestries, the colonial carpets. There's a fireplace that I've only seen on TV but it's not lit. A stage is propped in front of it where the DJ is pumping the music. Spotlights of various colors, purple, blue, yellow, and orange, constantly move like laser beams in the room.

"I belong here," I say to myself.

Earl pulls me back to reality when he holds my hand and kisses me on the cheek. But I want to thank him for bringing me here. I even almost forget about breaking up with him.

I just tell myself I deserve this. I've earned it. When Earl finally goes to his friends, I pirouette in my merry way to enjoy my prize.

Dancing aimlessly, I bump into a guy named James, Jason? I don't know. I can't hear him from the raucous music. Then I bump into another and another without a care in the world. I'm ecstatic. One girl with pink hair, holding two cups in each hand, offers me a drink. I refuse at first but at the last second, I take the left cup from her hand. Without double-checking if it's really alcohol or piss, I drink.