I Followed Fires

XXXV. Bash

He felt humiliated, that was for sure.

It was a day before his wedding, and a court member caught him in a moment of sadness. Bash sat on an armchair near the fireplace. His clothing, too, was not very appropriate for a meeting with Adèle, for he wore an old, rugged cotton tunic. His hair, too, was tousled and he smelled of heavy alcohol and tears. Despite his humiliating appearance, Bash still rose from his chair and approached Adèle, who seemed frightened just by his presence, as her hands were shaking.

"I needed to talk you, Bash." She spoke in a childlike voice, with a softness in her tone that possessed a rare beauty that Bash admired.

"What is it?" asked Bash calmly, trying not to appear as if he had been crying for the past hour. "What is it that you need to say to me?"

He saw that she was fumbling around with her fingers, another sign that she was anxious and unnerved by something. He knew it was nothing but a bad sign. Adèle's eyes avoided his, and she constantly turned away from his face to look at the windows or the fireplace. Bash worried of her state of being, and wondered if he had done something to upset her. Although he knew that Bash constantly did things that irritated her, such as making little jokes that seemed harmless to him, or teasing her in a light, friendly manner. But the fear and anxiety that Adèle was now manifesting was definitely not caused by these two; it was something larger. He worried that this fear might overtake her as well, for he did not want to lose the person that he knew. The person he loved.

"I.." She said, and bit her lip. "I just wanted to congratulate you on your future wedding." She then forced a smile on her lips.

"Adèle, I know that is not what you wanted to say to me. I'm not a fool,"

She grunted and turned away from him, only to stand near the windows and gaze at the French landscape beyond. Bash soon came following and leaned against the wall, where he began observing the expression on her face and the fear hidden behind it. "What is that you really wanted to tell me?" asked Bash, giving a warm smile on his face to reassure that whatever she was to tell him, he would accept it, whether it be good or bad. Unfortunately, for Bash, he would not know whether what she was going to say was good or bad.  

"I'm afraid.. I am still in love with you, Bash," Adèle said, still looking through the windows, and spoke in that soft, shy voice she once spoke in during their very first encounter.

"I don't know how to respond to that," replied Bash, as he looked down on the floor, and then back to Adèle.

"You don't have to respond to it at all. You just have to acknowledge it, for I have wanted to say it to you for days, but I couldn't find it in myself to do so. But we cannot be together, as we have already clearly known, and that is that,"

"It doesn't have to be that way," He stepped closer towards her, their faces now inches apart. With this, he could observe every inch of her, just as he did when they first kissed. But there were no more kisses to be shared, which is something they both knew. "We could run away, I could cancel the wedding.. We would escape all of the things that are stopping us from being together and be together once more, my lionheart,"

He leaned in closer each second, and as their lips were about to touch, Adèle stopped him. "No, Bash. You have a duty, and that duty is to marry the woman you love. I can't do this anymore. I can't fluctuate between two relationships at once, one being merely your casual friend, and the other being the woman you constantly pursue and are in love with."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying that I, despite being in love with you, Bash, will never marry you. I am not here to be the woman that destroyed a marriage. I am not willing to be despised by the whole of France just because of a man. I am more than that,"

"I know you are, my lionheart. Do you think I am not aware of that? That is why I fell in love with you in the first place. You were the most courageous woman in all of France, and the shiest. You are.."

"Not your betrothed."  She averted her gaze from his face. They remained silent for a while, until Bash broke this silence with a question. "Forget it, Bash. You think of me as an object, not an actual woman. You long to own me, to have me as your own, when I have dreams and goals of my own."

"But can't a man and a woman achieve things together?"

Adèle let out a heavy sigh. "I do not want to argue about this, Bash. It is best that we stay apart, and never reveal our feelings to one another again."

"What do you suppose we do, then? Write to each other, even after we are both married, and keep our true feelings hidden? Is that what you want?" He laid his hand on her cheek.

She removed his hand from her face and paced a few steps away from him, to keep distance. "I will marry an honorable man. A duke, or a prince of a foreign country with riches, who will help me preserve my family business. I will leave court once you have married, so that I will be able to leave you and Kenna in peace, and me as well,"

"Why do you want me to suffer for you so much? Why aren't you able to empathize with me for once, and not for Kenna?" He asked. As soon as her realized that he has raised his voice, he returned his composure and intended not to yell at her anymore. But he did not say this, and he knew he should have, for after he had raised his voice, he saw tears filling the edges of her eyes and her clenching her fists out of fear.

"Do me a favour and be a good, and kind husband to Kenna, Bash. It is my last request for you,"

"Fuck Kenna." He leaned in, placed both his hands on her face, and kissed her, for as long as he could.

For he knew that it was going to be last kiss that they were going to share, and he would not simply waste it.