WalkMan
Hadron's funeral was brief.
His will had stated that he wanted a short ceremony and a long party celebrating his life. Due to our current circumstances, we could only fulfill the first part.
Doctor Doomsday officiated the ceremony personally. Hadron's extra-large casket lay next to 11 others, all slain in the recent attack. Doctor Doomsday made each eulogy flow into the next, sharing stories and fond memories of each individual deceased minion of the Doomsquad. He had ended with Hadron, the only special treatment the former hero received during the entire ceremony.
I felt slightly uncomfortable when he mentioned that I had 'removed' both Hadron and his own arms, but Doctor Doomsday expertly spun that into an emotional web of coming together as a team. Something about lifting each other up without having hands.
If I'm being perfectly honest with myself, I couldn't remember the exact words. Not because I wasn't paying attention, but because I had turned my headphones on to stop myself from weeping. The strong stoic image I had carefully maintained while working within my Nemesis's own organization would have crumbled instantly if any minion had seen a single tear.
As the funeral drew to a close, Doctor Doomsday called forth the pallbearers, and wiped his eyes with the black silk tie he wore for the occasion. I rose from my seat, and took my place beside the behemoth's casket.
I used my mechanical ring finger to change the track on my headphones, in order to gain the necessary strength to lift the 300 kilos of body and casket.
I should have picked a song that combined emotional and physical strength.
Without the suppression, my tears flowed freely.
After the service had concluded, the Doomsquad minions and I went back to work, cleaning and repairing the Fortress of Doomitude as best we could.
Once the repairs were completed, I scheduled a meeting with Doctor Doomsday to go over my ideas for enhancing the defenses. The villain immediately summoned me to his office.
I gathered my notes and diagrams, and went straight to the office. I was prepared to go over every single detail and overcome any problem.
I was not expecting what I saw.
Doctor Doomsday stood in his office, staring at a glowing object. I stared at it, transfixed at the otherworldly object on his desk.
"What..." I began, searching for the words to even form the question.
Doctor Doomsday looked up from the item. His eyes were slightly red, as if he had been staring and crying for hours or days.
"Close the door", he said, in barely a whisper.
I complied, and took a seat in one of the guest chairs.
"WalkMan, this is a time machine." Doctor Doomsday said, in a low monotone, hauntingly absent of his usual boisterous glee. "I have been trying to understand it for years, without success. But yesterday, it activated."
My mouth fell open. "Where in the hell did you find a time machine?"
Doctor Doomsday waved a dismissive hand in my direction, eyes still fixated on the device. "Irrelevant. What is relevant is what we used it for."
I didn't quite know what to make of all of this. I set my defense notes on the desk, and leaned towards the glowing item.
"What do you mean, 'we' used it?" I asked.
"He means me." Another voice said. A familiar voice. A distinctly unique voice.
My voice.
I leapt to my feet, spinning to look in the direction the voice had come from. What I saw...
A man stood in the corner of the office. A man I saw in the mirror every day of my life.
I glanced between Doctor Doomsday, the glowing machine on his desk, and a copy of myself. "Full stop. What the hell is going on?"
"If I may, Doc." the other me said. Doctor Doomsday nodded absentmindedly, his gaze still fixated on the item.
The other me took a deep breath. "WalkMan, I am you. From the Future. I know that's hard to believe, but..."
The other me raised his...my?....right hand, showing me the robotic ring finger on my right hand.
I glanced down at my own hand, mimicking his movements.
I looked back at the man. "OK. Continue."
The other me sighed in relief. "I had thought that would convince me. Good."
He (I?) took a step forwards, out of the shadows and into the light from the glowing time machine. I could see that time had not been kind to future me.
"The short version of this story, is that Doc here sent us to the future in two days time. He figures out how this doohickey works tomorrow, then convinces you to leap 10 years into the future."
I started to ask a question, but the other me held up his other hand. His left hand was missing three fingers, with only his thumb and pointer in tact.
"Please let me finish. You can ask any questions when I'm done." He said.
I nodded, unconsciously flexing the fingers that I would apparently lose.
"Doc was out of ideas to track 'The Office'. He was desperate to get revenge for Hadron, to find any edge he could get. He decided that sending us, his best agent, into the future, would show us how to win. How to find them. How to beat them."
Other me took another deep breath. "He was wrong. The future was Hell. Governments collapsed, nuclear war, plague.... billions dead..."
Other me took another deep breath. I realized that he wasn't trying to steady his nerves, but struggling to take a full breath.
"The Office was nowhere to be found. But neither were we. Both perished in the blasts, I think, or driven out somehow. Point is, Doc here was dead. That 'Manager' was dead. Steven was dead. Stacy, Stephen, everyone we knew was dead."
The other me took another deep breath. I noticed a dry rattling sound as he struggled with the basic function.
"The only one alive... was Doombot 0028."
I glanced around the room, expecting the oldest Doombot to reveal itself next.
"He's on a mission right now." Other me said. "Doesn't matter. 0028 Told me what had happened."
Another rattling breath paused the story once more.
"We killed the planet, WalkMan. The Doomsquad. Doc here. YOU." He said. "In seeking to destroy 'The Office', we killed our own fucking planet."
I took a step back, reeling from what I had just told myself. "What? That's impossible, how..."
Doctor Doomsday finally looked up from his time machine. "One of my plans... I haven't even come up with it yet in this timeline. But I planned it, and you executed it."
I glanced between the men once more. "Well? What was it?" I asked.
The other me shook his head. "Dunno. 0028 didn't know. He wasn't involved in the plan."
I sat back in the chair, overwhelmed. "So..."
Doctor Doomsday sighed, putting his head in his hands. "Any plan I make might cause the extinction of our species. And I don't know which one."
I stared at the men. At nothing in particular. "So what do we do now?" I asked.
Doctor Doomsday looked up. "I don't know. And if I try to think of something, I might think of the plan that kills us all."
"So..." I trailed off.
"So" Doctor Doomsday said. "I am promoting you."
I blinked. "What?"
"I'm making you the President of Doomsday, Inc." He said. "This way, I don't make the plan that kills us all. You don't execute the plan that kills us all."
I had no words. Other me had no words.
Doctor Doomsday held out a pale hand. "Welcome to the Doomsquad, Mr. President." He said. "What are your orders?"
