Craig
"Doctor Doomsday! Over here!"
I waved my arms over my head, trying to catch the supervillain's attention as he walked from his vehicle to his Fortress of Doomitude. It worked, maybe too well.
Before I could even tell what was happening, I was pinned to the big oak tree trunk behind me. Doctor Doomsday himself stood before me, while two of his Doombot minion androids held me firmly against the rough bark. He peered at me with his cybernetic enhanced eyes, examining me for weapons or other dangerous items I may have. Once satisfied that I was no threat, he took a step back, and signaled for his robot guards to release me.
"What are you doing on my premises?" He demanded, still maintaining his villainous presence. "I can have my Doombots dissect you into millimeter sized cubes and spread across the countryside before sunrise."
"I wanted to meet you", I said nervously. "You're my favorite super villain."
The Doctor paused, visibly confused. "Favorite... villain? Is that a thing?" He asked.
"Well, my favorite hero was WalkMan, until I actually met him" I admitted, "So I decided to meet his nemesis."
"And here you are." Doctor Doomsday said, spreading his arms in a gesture to his facility all around us. "And now that you have wasted three minutes of my night, what do you plan to do? Ask me to sign a piece of debris from one of my battles, take a selfie with a doombot, steal a sign?"
I chose my next words carefully. The villain before me had a body count of over a thousand, and that was only the known number of people killed by his own robotic hands.
"I want to apply for an internship at Doomsday Inc."
He blinked, which was more of a camera shutter than an eyelid motion, with his mechanical eyes. "You what?"
"Yeah, I want to do an internship with you. It can be unpaid, I just want the opportunity-"
Doctor Doomsday held up a metallic hand, interrupting me mid sentence. "I may be a Super Villain, but I'd never make an intern work without pay. That's just evil."
I stumbled over my words as I tried to resume my rehearsed statement. "I... what?"
Doctor Doomsday made another signal to his Doombots, then turned to resume his walk inside. "I'll speak with Brenda about getting you on the payroll. I'd make you sign an NDA, but I wouldn't sue if you would leak any of my plans or inventions. I would keep my retribution out of the courts."
The door opened, and I was ushered through by the Doombots. I hadn't even realized I was moving.
"Dormitories are to the left, cafeteria is on the right. If you have any allergies or religious food restrictions, please let Andy over there know. He's our chef." Doctor Doomsday gestured to an office door beside the large cafeteria entryway. "Pick an empty bunk wherever you prefer. Matilda will come find you soon to take measurements for your Doomiform. In the morning, report to Stephan in logistics. He will be your supervisor for the first part of your internship."
He stopped talking and walking, and spun to face me. "I have an open door policy, but I ask that you make sure I am not in a video monologue before entering. There's a suggestions box by my door that will always remain anonymous. Do you have any questions?"
I was too stunned to even begin to respond. This villain had gone from threatening me with dissection by android to making his pitch for a 'Best Boss 2022' award.
I shook my head, still speechless.
Doctor Doomsday put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Welcome to the DoomSquad." He said with a wink, and left towards his office.
I was still stunned as the Doombots lead me to a vacant bunk in the dormitory. The bunk was more like a recessed room, with a bed, desk, and TV, with a privacy curtain that slid across the opening. The androids left, leaving me alone in the sunken pit that was nicer than my college apartment.
All of this was beyond generous. The only thing my brief visit with WalkMan had gotten me was a restraining order and a hatred for children's songs.
