~behind her mask~(Discontinued)

coping

THURSDAY 17TH JUNE 2021

It had been three weeks since the club incident and I had done as she wished, I stayed away. The only time I saw her remotely was at work, and even then she did her best to avoid me. Any contact I had from her was radio silent at this point, it really was over. And it was my fault.

I had been trying my best to keep myself from slipping into a depressive state, because there were others that depended on me, like gia for work, and all the others. I couldn't let myself fall numb because of her, no matter how much I wanted to. But it had affected me pretty badly, I wasn't sleeping properly, I stopped eating full meals, and I had lost most of my motivation, but, I was still going to work, and the gym, and socialising, keeping myself sane. I missed her, it felt like I was spending a lot of my free time itching to text or call her but I knew she needed space. So that's what I'd be giving her. Space. 

"come with me tonight, it'll be fun" Chloe said, leaning on the kitchen counter, lipgloss in hand. "Come with you as a third wheel? Yeah, no thanks" I said with a sarcastic smile, she rolled her eyes at me and sighed "Suit yourself" before leaving the room. Chloe was going out with a guy tonight and had been trying to convince me to come along, I knew what she was doing, she was trying to keep me busy so I wouldn't go back to thinking about Demi. Truth was though, she couldn't stop me because I hadn't stopped thinking about Demi, and I wouldn't stop thinking about Demi until she spoke to me agai-

*DING*

I looked at the upward-facing screen on my phone light up with the 4-letter name I had hoped would show up,  it was her. "Open the door" it read, and I immediately felt a sigh of relief because she was here again. I ran over to the front door and tensed up at the sight of her blank stare into my eyes. "Dem?" "Shh. Don't speak, I'm still angry." She said making her way into my apartment. "I know what you're going to ask, Why am I here? Because I needed to see you. You haven't eaten properly in weeks and I know why, but you don't get to blame this on me, okay?" I started to tear up "I wasn't going to blame you. But If we're pinpoint things that we don't get to do to each other, Then you don't get to tell me how much I should be eating, And No, I'm not blaming you, I'm blaming Daria, And you-" I hesitated, my tears falling down my face "You should be to. This whole thing is her fault and for some reason you blame me" There was a long pause between us "I do blame her, but I cannot be in a relationship where everything is uncertain, that's why I stopped talking to you, so stop beating yourself up, I was angry so I took it out on you, was it wrong of me? Yes, maybe it was, but I haven't changed my mind on things, I don't want this, I can't deal with it, I'm sorry, Just please, take care of yourself. If not for yourself; for me, and for the people around you" She sighed and turned around to leave, but she was here now, I couldn't let her walk away again, so without thinking I grabbed onto her arm. She turned around and stared into the desperation in my eyes. With one last sigh, she leant in and kissed my forehead before leaving.

I tried not to cry, I really did, but seeing her walk out again broke me. I cried until the point of nearly vomiting and that was when I stopped myself from crying anymore, I was just... numb. I didn't want to feel anything anymore, I was tired of pretending that I was okay, because I wasn't. I was petrified of being alone, and that's exactly what I was. Alone. I felt like everything was falling apart and it was my fault. It didn't matter what anyone else said, I fucked things up and now I was paying the price. After crying for so long I had exhausted myself, so I decided to stay away from everyone and I knew this was the beginning of a shut down, but it didn't matter, not to me at least.

Demi pov:

I regretted leaving her in that sort of state, but I physically could not go through the emotional torture again. The moment I shut her door, I could hear her crying and I contemplated going back in to comfort her, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't get too involved. I walked away, teary eyed and full of grief, and I felt awful, for leaving her. But it was the only thing I could do to ensure the possibility that we would be together in the future, but right now I needed time, time to myself. 

Scarlett pov:

I slept for a few hours, only waking up when Chloe came into my room. "Demi told me she came over. I'm sorry scarl, I know the past few weeks have been tough on you. Please don't shut down, I don't want to see you beat yourself up over shit you can't control"  She said, sitting on my bed. I watched her open her arms out to me and cuddled into her chest. She cradled me and allowed me to cry. And I did. I cried once again, and she sat there and comforted me in my tears, and grateful, yes, I was, of course I was, How could I not be? She was the only person that helped me through everything. I was so happy that Chloe was here for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But she wasn't her...