always & forever

41 | „happy birthday hermosa"

not that fucking nickname .

i know i shouldn't forgive him , i should tell him to go away , to leave me the hell alone and just live my life without him , but i can't . and the worst part is , i can understand him . i knew it was overwhelming for him that day and who knows , maybe i would've snapped out too . we were both still so young and everyone makes mistakes especially teenagers .

now i just stood there looking into his eyes which were full of regret and pain , but i realized i need to say something . how do i reply to that?

„i would lie if i'd say you don't need to apologize because a real apology was really necessary for those things gavi . i won't lie that your words cut deeper than you might think and apologizing doesn't make the pain disappear , but it does ease the pain a bit . thank you for your honesty and i do forgive you , even if i might shouldn't because it really hurt me , but i understand you . i can see why you said those things , but they still came out of your mouth . that's the problem . you were the least person i expected to tell me those things i was insecure about my whole life . and about yesterday ... i don't know what to say to that . even after everything there is still a huge huge part of me that can't stop caring and thinking about you"

caring and thinking and loving .

i think he understood my answer because a faint smile appertaining on his face .

„happy birthday hermosa"

„thank you"

i forced a smile and i swear i've seen him about to open his arms to go for a hug and i immediately flinched . i tried to play it off though and luckily joão came back to save me . a true hero .

„por que você está falando com ele"
-> why are you talking to him

my portugese has gotten very bad over the years , but basic things were stuck in my head . i think joão didn't want to understand gavi his words , so he randomly talked in portugese .

i think pablo got the hint and walked away . when he left i felt .... relieved and ... sad? i seriously don't know what was going on with my emotions right now .

me and joão went to a more private place and i told him everything pablo and i said .

„was it wrong to forgive him?"

„i mean probably yes , but you know , true love makes us do crazy things and when two people belong together , they will always find a way back to each other"

„since when are you so wise lindo?"

„i have some things in my brain!"

„now you're overreacting , you don't even have a brain!"

he slightly pushed me and i laughed .

„when i came up to you with our drinks , gavi seemed like he wanted to hug you and you instintly flinched ... why?"

so he saw that .

„well uhm , i don't know what's up with that really , but since that evening he and his words remind me too much of my childhood , so i am kind of .... afraid of his touch? i know it probably doesn't make sense to you , but-"

„it makes much sense for me linda"

i felt my eyes tearing up , thinking about how much i want to have gavi back , like old times , but then i am afraid of his touch and all i can think about is how cruel he has been to me that night . i've been crying so much recently especially about this incident , but it won't leave my head .

„i don't know how to work this out joão"

„heyy don't cry on your birthday! you will find a way to figure this out i promise and i'll always be here for you if you need anything . come here"

it isn't even my birthday anymore it was 1:57 . so thankful for him , i accepted his hug and wrapped my arms around him , crying in his shirt while he soothed me .

i didn't realize someone was watching us .

end of chapter 41 🫶🏼

felt like updating twice today , might update the next chapter or the two next aswell because we are getting moments with our favs <3

thoughts on joao and amara now?

do you all think that amaras fear from being touched by gavi makes sense? i mean i think so , but y'alls opinions matter to me!

i love you all

aleyna