The Fifth Letter

009

TW body shaming, Eating Disorders

Evangelina Miller:

"You gonna fix this, princess?" He rasps in my ear

My eyes widen and quickly realize what he's talking about. I glance down and see the thick outline of his dick through his boxers.

"I- what?" I ask completely confused

"Never mind, Yellow" he chuckles in my ear again

I continue my music making sure not to disturb him again when suddenly the music flips a switch and 'Motion Sickness' by Phoebe Bridgers starts playing. Whenever I listen to songs like this I always put my phone down. It gives a different type of vibe, and I 'feel' it more. I flip onto my back and close my eyes focusing on the words.

"I hate you for what you did,
And I miss you like a little kid
I faked it every time, but that's alright.
I can hardly feel anything at all,
I can hardly feel anything at all."

That verse always pokes a part of me making me sad every time. As the song progresses I feel sadder and sadder, until a single tear rolls down my cheek.

"Are you crying?" He asks sitting up, wiping his face.

I realize he had his face pressed into my neck and when the tear rolled off of my face, it hit his.

"Oh, no! I just yawned and it made my eyes water" I lie through my teeth

"You're a horrible liar, what's wrong?" He replies staring me down

"It's just this song makes me sad, go to sleep, loser." I say, brushing my knuckle on his jawline

He eventually admits defeat and lays down again. I listen to the music, deciding to switch to my sad playlist, staying off my phone. Suddenly my phone lights up, it's a text from Cara. Opening it I see a link to an Instagram post entitled 'catfishes caught' there's a photo of my now compared to one of me two years ago when I was larger. Looking at the photos side by side there's no difference, I'm still the fat little kid I've always been.
Glancing over I see that Levi's eyes are closed. I sneak out of bed, replacing my body with a pillow, and walk to the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, I take my toothbrush and hit the back of my throat causing me to gag, I do this a couple more times until I throw up the pasta Levi made for me earlier. Seeing that post made me feel sick, and I needed it out.

"Yellow? Are you in there?" Levi calls for me

"Uh- yeah just woke up, going to the washroom, go back to bed" I shout back through to door

After brushing my teeth again and washing my face, I open the door and crawl back into bed. I sigh and unpause my music trying to drift off.

"I heard you throwing up, are you sick?" He asks through a sleep filled whisper

"Just go to sleep my pretty boy, forget about me" I mumble stroking his hair

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When I wake up the bed is cold, I glance around and don't find Levi, deciding it's not worth my time, I stand up and go to the bathroom for my morning hygiene.
When I exit my room I see Gloria preparing breakfast. She spots me and makes me sit down to eat. I watch as she's cooking when I hear the elevator ding, glancing over I see Levi. He meets my eyes but immediately rolls his eyes and walks off.

"Um. Young man. Get back over here and eat your food." Gloria snaps at him

He freezes on the spot and takes a deep breath before closing his eyes tipping his head back, then turning to the table. I've never seen him take orders from anyone before, he's usually the one giving them. I meet his eyes but immediately direct my eyes to my plate, which is completely empty. Gloria places the last bit of food on the table, it being pancakes. There's a lot, and I'm not very hungry so I take 1 of each fruit and a quarter of a pancake. As I sit back down at the table I sigh looking at my plate, theres a lot of food for someone who doesn't want to eat it. I start with the watermelon cube, deciding to portion out each item I take 3 bites into the cube, the third one finishing it. I feel eyes upon me, and when I glance up I see Levi staring at me like I'm a mad woman.