The Fifth Letter

001

Evangelina Miller

TW: panic attack and SH thoughts

As a child, I always knew exactly what I wanted in life, and I knew nothing would change how my future played out. And that's why I wrote those stupid letters. The letters that ruined my life, the letters that made me question everything I had ever experienced ever.

"Mom! Look! I wrote a bunch of letters, they're things I want when I'm big!"

"Okay? here, I'll take them and keep them safe" my mom says in a bored tone, taking the box from my minuscule hands

I smile up at her, she grimaces in return. I love my parents, but sometimes I feel they don't love me very much, but they are my parents of course they love me, right?

To answer that question, no, they don't, they didn't love me back then, and they certainly don't now.

"Evangelina. Are you even listening!?" My father shouts snapping me out of my memory. When I don't answer he sighs and turn to my mother, gesturing for her to continue.

"As I was saying, I found your letter, and since you don't think we're good parents as you've told Mary, We have decided to marry you off to the Berkshire family, you will marry their next don, Levi Berkshire." She finishes

"What?? No mom, I'm sorry I said that I-"

"Enough! I'm sick of you, we're sick of you. This is good for both of us, you get to leave home and get married to a nice man, and we get a pretty penny out of it. It's too late for arguments anyways, it's final, you are to meet him tomorrow." She cuts me off

I close my eyes, refusing to cry. Taking a deep breath, then Opening them again "okay" I mumble

They nod and walk away, I rush up to my room. I feel the pain in my chest begin to start, and I know exactly what's happening, I'm starting to have a panic attack. I reach for my phone and click on Mary's contact and call her, when the phones picked up she must not have meant to because she started to talk bad about me to whoever she was with, maybe she did mean to answer..

"Oh my god! You're so right! Evangelina is such an attention seeker, literally so annoying. To be honest I was only friends with her because I thought her parents were rich, because of their jobs, but I guess not.." she trails off

"Bye Mary," I mumble and hang up, I feel the sensation in my arms start and I feel like I need to get it out. Sitting on my floor I glance over at the 'perfume' I bought years ago. It's my hiding spot, it's a completely empty tube that my parents wouldn't think twice about, I used to keep thongs and other things I would've been kicked out for, but now I keep a blade in there. It's embarrassing thinking about it, I have no one to talk to so I cut myself instead, I've been clean for 2 months and decide to go with my better judgement and not relapse, even though it's hard.

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"Evangelina get up now." My mom snarls at me from my door way

Siting up I glance over at my clock and see it's only 8:30am

"Mom what-"

"You are meeting your husband today, at 10 o'clock on the dot, if you are not ready, I will drag you down those stairs faster than you can blink, and you can embarrass yourself all you want. I would suggest getting up and looking presentable." She growls slamming the door as she leaves

I get up and change into black slacks and a while long sleeve shirt, I also throw on a flannel and fuzzy socks. I hate normal socks so I only wear fuzzy ones, my favourite pair as of right now are the navy blue ones with small pink hearts.