Race for the Throne | Formula One

64. Drowning

Charles, Arthur, Carlos, and Pierre had come back on my plane, the others were coming on Max's or by other means. Chelsea, Mia, and a few other staff members met us when the plane landed.

Mia briefed me on what to say for the media when leaving the plane if any questions were able to be asked while Chelsea got me ready. I was the sovereign princess of Monaco, the first one, and my family had just been assassinated, I couldn't be seen leaving the jet in sweatpants. So instead I was on a long sleeved black dress with black heels.

"We left all mention of you getting shot out of the narrative. We've only stated that there was also an attack on you that was thwarted." Mia handed me a note card. "Here are the talking points, if anyone asks anything that isn't answerable with one of those replies just say no comment."

I read through the obviously tailored lines. They felt so detached. Perfect for how I was feeling. Chelsea finished pinning my hair away from my face and I left the plane's bedroom. The drivers had also changed into suits. The atmosphere was heavy, we usually were laughing and teasing when we left the plane dressed in comfy clothes but now...

Their somber expressions matched the somber tone Mia used while explaining how things would go when going to the car.

Mateo appeared by my elbow and handed me a pair of sunglasses. "Everything is secure, we can leave."

I looked around at my drivers. They all tried to look encouraging but their faces were partially covered by their own sunglasses.

They left the plane first and once they were in the waiting cars, it was my turn. I stopped on the top step,  press held back by a barrier. Allowing my eyes to adjust to the harsh light, I walked down the stairs slowly. Everything was controlled, my pace, my breathing, my expression. I looked as cold as I was numb. I made it to the car amid the flashing of cameras and was relieved when I saw that my car was empty. I had asked Mateo to make sure I was alone in the car but make it seem like there was a security reason. I wanted to be alone before I got back to the palace which had all the memories of my family. Mateo slid into the passenger seat and signaled the Peter, my driver. I leaned my head against the window of the car. Checking first to make sure Mateo was occupied, I pressed my shoulder against the door. Pain flashed through my body. I was still alive. I released the pressure on as we neared the palace, I didn't want to bleed through the bandages.

We drove through the back gate, Ronaldo gave a slight wave as he opened the gate, I raised my hand in acknowledgement. We parked in the back courtyard. Mateo opened the door for me. Andre and the entire staff were waiting for me. They greeted me with bows and curtsies. The drivers joined me as their car arrived. Andre escorted us inside.

The air was stifling and I pulled at the sleeve of my dress. "I need to change. Show them to their rooms please."

Andre stopped me as I started to head off. "Your highness, your things have been moved to the main bedroom."

"Excuse me." I rushed to the nearby powder room and heaved. I hadn't eaten anything since before the race so I didn't have anything in my stomach to lose.

Charles followed me quickly and rubbed my back. "I can ask Andre to move your things back to your room."

Wiping my mouth with a tissue, I shook my head. "No, don't. I just- I need to go there alone first."

"Do you want me to stay with you or with Arthur?" Charles asked.

"I don't know yet," I replied honestly. "I'm sorry."

He kissed my temple. "Don't apologize. Take all the time you need."

There was such a sadness in his eyes that I had to take a step back and walk out. I walked the familiar hallways, they used to bring me comfort but now they made my skin crawl. When I opened the bedroom door, I was taken aback by how all traces of my parents were gone from the room. Everything was either taken directly from my room or new and in the same style as the furniture from my room. My clothes were in the closet, my jewelry on the dresser, my belongings in the bathroom. It's like my parents had never even lived here. Another piece of my heart cracked. I stripped off my dress and washed up.

I stared at my reflection. "What is wrong with you?"

My reflection didn't answer. I scowled as I reached for my injured shoulder.

"Give me answers!" I squeezed my shoulder until black spots danced across my vision.

I released my arm before I could pass out. Grabbing a pair of sweatpants and one of Charles' sweatshirts, I changed and left the room. I knew Arthur would be in the same room as the last time he stayed at the palace and I figured Charles would be there with him. I slowed my pace as I neared the door, there were voices coming from inside. I stopped next to the door, careful for my shadow not to show under the door.

"I can't believe they're gone. I mean I knew but coming here and them actually not being here, it's finally sinking in." Arthur said.

Charles replied. "It's real. They're gone. I just- I want to help, I need to feel useful and I don't know what to do. She's shutting me out, I don't know how to help her or if I even can."

"I'm worried about her, she isn't mourning, it's like she's frozen," Arthur's voice was quiet. "But how are you? You were close to them. I know how I'm feeling right now and I didn't know them as well as you did, so I can only imagine how you feel."

Charles took a shaky breath. "They welcomed me into the family, I felt like they were my family and I've lost them too. I keep losing people and I know this time what I feel can't compare to what Kat's feeling but I-I can't keep losing people. When I won after I saw you, maman, Lorenzo, and Kat, all I wanted to do was to tell her family, for them to be proud of me, to tell them that all the belief they had in me was deserved. But it doesn't even matter. I want it to matter, I want it to matter so badly. I wanted them to be proud of me."

I covered my mouth to fight back a sob.

"They are proud of you, Charles. Why else would they welcome you into the family, why else would they give their blessing?" Arthur attempted to comfort his brother, but his voice cracked with emotion.

"I know but I can't do this right now. I'm here for Kat, I love her more than anything else, but I feel like I'm breaking too." Charles' voice was thick with emotion.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I fled down the hall. Tears streamed down my face for the first time since my family was killed. I stopped only when the tears blurred my vision to the point of not being able to see. Back against the wall, I slid to the floor. Pulling my knees to my chest, I pressed my hands to my mouth, rocking with silent sobs. Hearing Charles' opened the floodgates, I hadn't been able to mourn for myself, my own loss, but listening to Charles made my already broken heart shatter completely. All the emotions that I had been numb to were drowning me.