Long Journey || ATEEZ

Bonus Chapter II : The Letter

Dear Shinoko,

First and foremost, I would like to express my deepest apologies. For everything I did in the waking world, even if it weren't related to you specifically. I know you may never see this, especially as I am dead and gone, and that this is naught but a tool to ease my selfish soul, but I want to apologise.

It seems Death, and the humble Realm of Arai, is a very humbling experience.

At first I couldn't believe it. That I, the great Cezanne Luter, Terror of the Seven Seas had died. I thrashed and flailed hopelessly in the face of my inevitable Fate, tried to run back to the Light that I could see far, far away in the murky darkness. Arai's Tomb Guards caught up anyway. After all, what could I, a mere, weak, dead Soul do in the face of the spawn of the Divine?

They locked me in this room I sit in now, but it's changed a lot since I've been here. At first it was the same as the rest of Arai that I'd seen; cold and dark and murky, like an endless stretch of starless Space, just more enclosed – I could feel the pressure of the walls around me. But now it has morphed. Like a Shapeshifter, it changed to fit my tastes, growing into my old Captain's cabin. If I shut out the unbearable silence, I can pretend I'm back on The Catastrophe, ready to set off on another Conquest. It seems the more I calm down, the more pleasant Arai gets.

As I've spent my days in here, in solitary confinement with no one to confide in, I've ended up reflecting on myself. Reflecting on how immature I was, reflecting on the way I hurt everyone around me. Especially you, Shinoko. I was meant to be your Saviour. But I almost became your Murderer instead. Thank the Gods that Arai took me instead of you.

I've come to realise a lot of things, as well. Like how my hatred for my mother was irrational. You're the only one who spotted it and had the guts to tell me. But I took my anger out on you instead.

Mariynne Scholder was not a bad woman. I was. I scorned her and laughed at her for her foolishness, her apparent incompetency, how she was too soft-hearted to be a Pirate – and then got surprised when she turned out to be the best among them all. I guess at first my Conquest to become the true Terror of the Seven Seas was innocent – a friendly battle to prove a mother wrong. But my vaulting ambition consumed me, like a raging inferno, blowing smoke in my eyes, blinding me to the oh-so obvious truth. I see it now, now that I'm dead. I only wish I'd seen it sooner.

Now comes my End, and I have a feeling Arai's Tomb Guards are waiting outside for me to finish up to whisk me away to Judgement. I do not look forward to facing Arai for my sins.

Once again, I sincerely apologise, Shinoko, and if you are ever to see this – unlikely – please apologise to my mother in my stead. I know that those Rookies trained under her – they should know where she is.

I hope if I'm ever given the chance to Reincarnate, my future life is much better spent than this one.

Thank you, Shinoko, for trying to understand me when others dismissed me as a lost cause.

Yours,

Cezanne Scholder.