As His World Changed (MxM)

Chapter 30

The moment he realized how his body was reacting he got embarrassed and scared. Niel pushed Atlas away. The teenager hadn't much experience with his own body and sexual desires. He had either ignored it or didn't think about it.

His life was plain. Niel was focused on his football carrier since he was a young child. He was focused on making his parents proud and, for a short while, focused on his favorite band Queen. There was no room for love or sex in his head. Niel was being told what his love life would look like, a submissive wife (whatever that meant, Niel always thought), and children. Sexual education was given at a bare minimum at school and at home there was no discussion at all about the topic. And porn never attracted the teenager.

But now with Atlas the teenager sometimes doubted himself. He doubted his sexuality. Was his rejection of porn because he wasn't attracted to girls? Was he watching the 'wrong porn'? These thoughts overwhelmed Niel and he didn't want to think about it. Only now with Atlas all those doubts and questions came up.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" The Alpha asked worriedly.

"No, no, it-it's just that... that I smell, and with your heightened senses I must stink so it's better for me to take a shower, you kno-" Niel kept on rambling. Atlas interjected, "Love, relax, relax. You don't stink, the opposite actually, you smell divine."

The Alpha winked again and wanted to continue where they left off, but Niel stopped him. Atlas was surprised and scanned Niel over, wanting to know why his mate was acting so differently. It was then he noticed the bulge in Niel's pants. He quickly connected the dots.

The teenager had now seen that his mate knew why he was suddenly so apprehensive and he turned a bright red and wanted to run. He tried to make his way around the enormous guy.

"Niel, Niel, relax. There is nothing wrong," Atlas stopped him. "Don't be embarrassed, it's a natural reaction. Something I am also very experienced with," Atlas tried to joke. But the joke wasn't taken well.

"What's going on, love?" Niel could see the concern in Atlas' eyes. The teenager, however, couldn't find the words to describe, to make his mate understand why he reacted the way he did.

"I just want to take a shower," The teenager finally mumbled.

"Alright, alright... Here you go, to cover a bit up," The Alpha handed Niel the towels. He was grateful for the gesture and took the towels and held them in front of him.

After they had taken separate showers Niel sat on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with his fingers. The embarrassment hadn't left his body yet and he had no idea how to act anymore. Atlas sat next to him, putting his hand over Niel's. "What's going on?" He asked with a caring and soothing voice.

Silence.

"Love, please, can you tell me what happened? Did I do something wrong?"

"I-I have a hard time talking about it..." Niel whispered.

"Take your time."

Atlas stroked Niel's hand, trying to make his mate feel relaxed and safe. It took Niel almost twenty minutes before he could explain to the Alpha what had happened. It took the teenager even longer to say the whole story out loud. He felt ashamed. Ashamed about his inexperience, ashamed that he lied to Atlas he only liked girls and never admitted his doubts, ashamed there was still a part in him that said it was sinful what he did, ashamed he had to talk about such an intimate topic.

When he was done, Atlas said after a short silence, "Okay, I see."

"Do you hate me now?" Niel was afraid of rejection and disappointment from the only person he felt safe with. His eyes started to burn.

"No! No, never, ever would I hate you love. What you just told me, made me love you even more."

"... you-you l-love me?" Niel asked with big eyes.

"Yes, of course."

The teenager couldn't believe what he heard. Somebody loved him. Somebody who wasn't family. For some reason, he never thought he would experience love from a stranger, well, someone who was a stranger to him.

He didn't notice tears were rolling off his cheeks until Atlas caught them with his fingers. "Come here," The Alpha whispered. He took Niel in his arms and rocked them both ever so slightly. It hurt Atlas to see his mate so unbelieving. He felt for the teenager. The world had been cruel and made his mate believe that loving him would be so hard, that it would be unimaginable for somebody to love him.

"Please let me know when things are going too far for you... I love you, Niel. I don't want to lose you." 

A/N: I have gotten some feedback that the relationship between Atlas and Niel should take a faster pace. I understand from a reader point of view you want the juicy romance. But it wouldn't be logical for Niel to just suddenly let go of all his worries and doubts. 

After he was sick he kinda went through a transformation so to say. For those who have seen 'Avatar: the Last Airbender'. Zuko got sick when he had to choose between good and evil and I took that as inspiration for Niel's dilemma. Niel had come to the conclusion before he fell sick that the pack life, being Atlas' mate, was going to happen either way. But there was still the internal fight about how this life was going to look like and if he could be happy staying next to Atlas. 

After he got better he let go of his old life, by walking through some happy memories. He stood open toward Atlas and let the mate bond doing it's work. He didn't fight anymore. That's why after he got sick he was accepting of Atlas. Still he grew up his whole life hearing being gay was sinful and that he has to act tough because he is a man. You can't let those thoughts go in mere weeks. 

I hope this chapter and my explanation helps you understand why I let it be a bit slower, but from here on out, I will try to let the romance come through, so to say, between the characters. 

Thank you for reading!