Addicted

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Ethan's pov

Y/n was so focused on her textbook that she didn't even notice that I was staring at her. How could I not be? It had become a habit for me to rest my eyes on her. It was just something so hypnotizing with the way she moved. Like the way she furrowed her eyebrows when she was thinking, or the way she would gently bite on the top of her pen. Whenever she did that, I couldn't help but to look at her lips. Sometimes, all I could think about were those lips. How would it feel to kiss her? She would probably never let me get that close, especially if she ever were to know what I was really capable of.

Suddenly she looked up and she met my gaze.

"Have you read chapter fifteen? The words in this book could have been written in latin and I would have understood as much as I do now." She sighed, closing the book.

We have economics together. Sometimes we study together, even though I couldn't care less about econ. But studying was an excuse to be closer to her.

"Uhm, no I haven't gotten to chapter fifteen yet." I said, and looked down at the table. My college dorm room was not a big room, but it was good enough for me and Chad to share. And for me and Y/n to study in.

"That chapter sucks. But maybe you can understand it?" She said and tilted her head, looking at me. Keep looking at me. Keep looking at me until I'm sick of your gaze. That won't happen though.

Her phone buzzed and the screen lit up. I couldn't help but see the textmessage that was shown on the screen.

I recognised the name of who had sent Y/n the message. Dylan. A guy who also study the same econ class. He had sent her a red heart emoji.

Realising it was a heart, made my own turn. A bitter feeling started to grow inside my stomach.

"Your boyfriend?" I asked and nodded against her phone. Say no. Say no, tell me that I'm wrong. Tell me you can still become mine.

"Oh, Dylan? No. He's not my boyfriend." She said. While her words were calming, her red cheeks were less calming. I could see her turning flustered. I should be the one who she get's nervous thinking about.

"Oh." I said under my breath. I should probably kill him. But dad would not really approve. Or maybe he wouldn't really care. He doesn't care about anything anymore after Richie died. I'm still atleast trying to care.

"We've been on a date, but nothing more. He's cute and all, but I don't know. I don't really feel, a spark, you know?" She said while simultaneously playing with a strand of her hair.

"Oh." I said again, this time more relieved. She is making me crazy. Maybe I don't need to kill Dylan, after all.

She laughed a little, and then gave a gentle nudge.

"How about you? Any girl that has caught your eye?" She leaned in, smiling.

You. You have. I wish I could tell you how you make me feel. Making me care about something again.

"Uhm, no not really." I said, while thinking. "Tara maybe? I don't know." I was trying to draw away attention from myself. But the second I mentioned Tara's name, Y/n's smile faded.

"Oh, yeah Tara is really cute." She said, not really looking at me. Something had changed, I could feel it. "I need to go, thanks for studying with me." She abruptly gathered her things and started walking towards the door.

I could tell her now. Tara might be cute, but she isn't you. You haven't just 'caught my eyes', you've competely stolen my ability to see anything else or anyone else.

But I didn't dare to utter a word. So instead I watched her walk away. Y/n held her hand on the door handle, her back was turned against me. It looked like she was contemplating on something, then she turned around and gave me a defeated look.

"Ethan, I- I kind of like you. I understand if you only see me as a friend, but I just wanted you to know. I don't want to lose our friendship, but I just wanted to tell you." She said quickly, not even looking at me.

I just stared at her.

"You like me?" I repeated, not believing her own words.

"Yes, you dork."

A short moment of silence. My brain could barely comprehend what she had just told me. I stood up, and took a few steps towards her. Closing our distance. I slowly raised my hand and ran my thumb across the seam of her lips. I leaned in, slowly. She didn't move.

"Can I...?" I left the question hanging. She nodded. I didn't restrain myself anymore. If she had said no, I would have begged her to kiss me.

Our lips crashed together. Her body pressed perfectly against mine. Each time her tongue touched mine, it felt as if the ground beneath my feet quaked. I've only kissed her once, but I was already addicted.

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