The Chances We Dont Take

The last chapter

We all look concern waiting for him to say something. I don't think anyone is breathing, there all holding it in.

"The surgery was successful" The doctor said giving us a reassuring smile. We all cheered and jumped and hugged each other.

"May we see him?" Claire asks crying of tears. He nodded.

"But he made a special request for Casey"He smiled at me and I smiled back. I walked down the hallway and into his room. He looked tired, I'm pretty sure that's just because of the surgery. I hug him gently and kiss him, he kisses me back and smiles.

"You made it" I say breathless, i can't stop smiling.

"Yeah i did" He says smiling back. There's something in this smile that is different,like he's hiding something.

"When do you get out" I sit down next to him.

He holds my hands and squeezes them slightly.

"Im not getting out" He says slowly, i look confuse. He continued."I'm not getting out because the surgery didnt work" Tears begin to fill my eyes, all hapiness washed away. My heart felt like its been broken in a million pieces. Its so silent all you can hear is the sound of the ECG.

Beep....beep.....beep

"Casey...are you okay?" He sounded concern but i couldnt respond. My mouth was dry and i felt a big lump in my throat. I tried to swallow it but i couldn't, im holding back my tears but im not doing a very good job.

Beep....beep....beep

"Casey?" He says shaking me a bit.

"The doctors said..." I say choking out the words.

"What?"

"T-The doctors said you would be okay. T-They said it worked" I said trying to regain my voice.

"I told them to lie." He looks at my hands."Baby im gonna die soon" He doesnt look up from my hands. I stop breathing for a second, i dont want to breathe anymore.

"No they wouldn't do that.Why would you want them too? You whole family thinks-" He cut me off.

"-my whole family thinks im living except my mom. I told her i wouldnt live, she knows im going to die. I didnt want everyone to be upset when i take my last breaths." He said finishing.

Beep....beep....beep

"No,no please " I say squeezing his hand."Maybe theres some other way, you could try the surgery again." I say hopeful but he just shakes his head.

"Life goes on whether you chose to move on and take a chance in the unknown. Or stay behind,locked in the past,thinking of what could been" He said slowly. I was confused."After i die i want you to be happy " He kisses my hand.

Beep....beep....beep

"I want you to get married, have kids and most importantly i want you to fall in love again." Tears are forming in his eyes. I hug him and kiss his chest."Promise me you will be happy"

I dont say anything for awhile. I dont see how i could be happy if hes not with me. I nod reluctantly because i know thats what he wants right now, besides he never said when i had to love.

"Also Casey, never forget me. Never lose your way. You told me you daydream and I remember i told you we do it to escape reality. You asked what my reality was and it was falling in love with you. You are my reality." He smiles and a tear escapes his eyes. I wont allow myself to cry in front of him, i have to smile. He holds me and we stay like this forever. I try not to say anything, i think we both do. I hear his heartbeat getting slower.

Beeeeppp.....beeeeeppp.....beeeepp

I wonder if he notices, he doesn't seem to care hes dying. If he does he has a hard way of showing it. I look at the ring on my finger and almost break down in tears but i cant, not in front of him.

"Casey?" He says softly.

"Yeah?" He wraps his arms around me.

"I love you" I can tell hes smiling.

"I love you too"

"Hey Casey?"

"Yes?"

"We only regret the chances we dont take"

"Whats that suppose to mean?"

"Casey?"

"Yeah?"

"Ill make sure to watch you, also remember life goes on"

"Whats that suppose to mean?"

"Casey?"

"Yes James"

"Before I didnt beileve I could fall in love so fast, so easy. I did. I fell hard for you."

Beeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppp

The line is flat, i quickly get up and tears are rushing down my face.

"Help!" Im screaming at the top of my lungs. Finally the nurse comes in and hugs me. He doesnt let go.

"Let go of me, help him!"

"Its time to let go" He says holding me tight. I get out of his embrace and run to James. His face is pale and his green eyes shut. I hold his hand, its cold. On his arm he wrote in pen in cursive you are my reality.

I fall to the floor crying and the nurse can't do anything but look at me. I cry as i look at his lifeless body laying on the white bed. Soon there pulling me out saying they need to remove the body but im kicking and punching, screaming as loud as i can to let me back in. They finally get me to his family and they already know. You can tell by the way there looking at you. Claire hugs me tightly and i hug her back. Everyone is crying, i cant bring myself to stop.

"Casey?"

"Yeah?"

"....remember life goes on"

"Casey?"

"Yeah?"

"We only regret the chances we dont take"

Beeeeeeeeeeeppppp

"Will you marry me?"

"You are my reality"

"I love you"

I can hear his voice and remember insterts of random conversations. I replay it over and over in my head crying my eyes out. Memories are the only thing left now, memories i wont be able to forget ever.

I wonder if dead people know how much it hurts the person when they leave, how much it effects people. The empty space it leaves within out hearts. I dont know how long i sit here crying with Mrs.Swine and Claire watching me, comforting me. I wonder if James is really watching me like he said he would. Would he be upset that im crying? But i know James, we fell in love and thats not the love you can forget. Im pretty sure my first mistake to some people was coming back to him the first time but when the day is over.

"We only regret the chances we dont take"