The Last of White Dawn

Chapter 22: One Day More

"Lexi," Seb starts but I lift my hand to silence him. I feel the sadness and frustration he is feeling.

"I'm sorry about disappearing on you yesterday and for returning the way I did. I should have told you where I was and what I was doing. We had an agreement to at least do that much for one another." I leaned against the kitchen island, just am arms reach away from Seb. I thought a lot about what happened yesterday, and I had come to the conclusion that, although it wasn't my fault entirely, I could have done more to prevent the miscommunication.

"Lexi," Seb starts again, meeting my gaze. "I am so sorry I scared you. I am sorry that I let Sorin take over in a jealous rage. I was scared and I..." he trails off and looks down to his feet. I allow him to take a moment and think.

Seb reaches his arm out, his fingers finding the hem of my shirt. He gently plays with the material between his fingers before he pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms around my waist, burying his nose in the crook of my neck and inhaling. My arms go around his neck and pull him in closer so we are without a breath between us.

"Lexi?" he mutters against my skin.

"Mmm?"

"I love you," he sighs.

It occurs to me for the first time that Seb is scared of what will happen after tomorrow. He is afraid that there is another mate for me and no second chance mate for him. "I love you too, Seb. Regardless of the matebond or what happens, I will always have a very special love for you."

I can hear him purring against the small of my skin. He places a gentle kiss to it before pulling back to look at me. "All we can do it hope," I hear the tinge of sadness in his voice as his presses another kiss to my cheek.

"One more day," I muster a smile for him and he returns it.

"Are you ready for tonight?" He takes a step back to sip on his coffee but leaves his hand lying lazily on my waist.

"I think so. There isn't really much left to do. Celine says she is taking care of my hair and makeup; so, I guess all I need to do is shower and relax until it's time. What about you?"

"I miss home," he mutters without looking away from his coffee. "Today I miss home like I haven't missed it yet. Everything up to now has been about surviving, finding somewhere safe so I can say the entirety of my family and pack weren't wiped out by the vampire attack; and now..."

He trails off, his breath hitching slightly in his chest. I can feel the tears in my own eyes just as much as I can in his. "And now, with this ceremony, it feels like you're surrendering them willingly." His eyes meet mine and I see the tears leaking down his face. "I understand better than anyone that this exciting and celebratory moment is also one of pain."

"There's no escaping it." A sob wracks through his chest and I pull him into a hug to comfort him.

"The only cure for grief is endurance. Right now, we endure."

"Everything within reason," he sniffles.

"Everything within reason."

We stand there for awhile wrapped in one another. This is the first time we have really acknowledged our grief and truly sat in it. He's right, from the moment we met, we have been focused on surviving. But now, we have a home, we are safe, there is no more running. And now, it hurts like it was supposed to hurt before.

I rub his back gently. "They would understand."

"How do you know?" His hand comes up behind me to wipe the tears from his face.

"Speak to them beyond the moon and tell me they wouldn't," I pull back and smile.

"Perhaps I will." There is a fleeting moment of silence before Seb's eyes glaze over and he huffs a deep exhale. "I have to go soon. Ark would like me to get ready with him and celebrate. Would you mind if I take the first shower?"