A Normie's Guide To Mind-Reading | ONC 2023

Twelve ∆ Talk To Yourself

If everyone else remembered cats and dogs were real, they would throw me into hellfire. The disappearance of community pets would lattice people from all walks of life with indignation and sorrow. After all, this is worse than animal abuse and slaughter. A sense of lack is therefore the strongest force of attraction. Therefore, a void like me is important.

This is not what I tell Siti and Li Zhi when I meet them at O'ma Spoon, a bingsu café in Somerset. Caleb dropped me off and left in search of an old lady with dementia to bring her home before she meets with danger.

I do not know where to start, so I let them do the talking. Siti volunteers at a child care centre nowadays and Li Zhi is spending more time with his family before his enlistment. I nod along as they share humorous anecdotes. When our bowl of Mango Cheesecake Bingsu arrives, their attention turns to me.

Siti hands me a spoon with a tight grip. Li Zhi digs in first, shoving a piece of mango and cheesecake into his mouth, then the vanilla ice cream and shaved ice.

His expression, however, is grave. "Say something, Bryce."

Siti chews on a blueberry. "Yeah. You left me very stumped this morning. You know something, right? Like, what's even going on?"

I nod. "I didn't want it to be this way."

"Siti's not angry or anything." Li Zhi gestures to the bingsu. "Go on. Eat."

I nod again and penetrate the ice with my spoon. My hand dangles. "It's just... I don't know how to put it."

They are trying to keep things light and casual, I can tell. Siti fixes her smile when it's close to drooping and Li Zhi leans forward, which is rare for him.

"Look, it's just as hard for us." Siti shrugs. "Ever since the last time we met, we can no longer understand you."

"It's only been a week. I didn't change." I relent at last and eat a sweet, fluffy milk flake.

Li Zhi licks his lips and glances at Siti. His shoulders sag, which, again, is rare for him. "We are very concerned about you, bro. You didn't leave your house for a week. You barely did anything." He eats a mango cube. "And we can't read your mind anymore."

Way to go, mate. This is such a good joke. I mean, look at you two! You have grown so close because of me, so close you're able to joke about something as grave as mind-reading! Should I make a literary joke? A Shakespearean insult? A toast to privacy at last?

Their blank looks call to mind babies who go goo-gah upon unfolding into the world, perhaps mistaking the midwife for Mother. Tabula Rasa. Bereft of knowledge and comprehension.

Yet how is this possible? A week of doing nothing solves everything! But I can't wait for another week, can't wait for more disasters to come. What will be next to disappear? Who will be next to disappear? The Merlion, standing tall, is incapable of distilling so many lives. We don't even know if fractional distillation occurs inside it.

Li Zhi snaps his fingers before my eyes. I steel myself by digging my spoon into the bingsu.

"We are ready to accept anything you have to say." Siti strokes my hand. She's merely convincing herself she's ready.

"I'm sorry."

Siti lets go, as if testing me. "Stop running away lah! Can or not? Just tell us."

Hissing through my teeth, I feel the cold surging to my head. This is it. I cannot apologise in thought and save myself from being public enemy number one again. So I spill the beans as Siti knocks the bowl over and sends the melting ice, the cheesecakes, the mango cubes, sliding across the table towards me, the milk dripping onto my clothes, as if by spilling the beans, she has the right now to spill something else in return, something greater than beans, even greater than Jack's beanstalk. No, it's more apt to say she is climbing the beanstalk to be farther away from me.