The Truth Untold [JJK × READER]

CHAPTER - 08

Y/N'S POV

"Why God? Why is it me always?" Letting out a deep sigh, I kept looking at the night sky. Though the moon wasn't visible, yet there was a faint outline of it, that could be traced behind the clouds. The temperature had dropped quite a bit because of the heavy shower. It was still drizzling, the streets filled with puddles here and there, the dust-free leaves of the trees swaying due to the light breeze, water dripping from them continuously. As I was breathing in the cool air, suddenly I felt two arms gliding, and snaking their ways around to grab my waist firmly.
"Jungkook, let go of me." I blurted out irritatingly. "No.", was all he said, and rather than loosening his grip, he grabbed my waist more tightly, placing his chin on my right shoulder. I could feel him inhaling my scent deeply every now and then. "JUST LET ME GO ALREADY!" Yelling at him, and peeling his hands off me, I turned around abruptly and pushed him away, to which though he stumbled but was able to quickly gain back his balance.
Jungkook (lowering his gaze, and mumbling out sadly): "I know you are angry Doll. And I am absolutely not at all complaining about that! But at least let me explain my part. I was wrong to let you go, back then. I can't afford to repeat the same mistake all over again. I sincerely want to make everything right this time, trust me!"
Y/N: "And you want to mend everything?! Who do you think you are? A mechanic?! And who said I will even allow you to do that?! Did you trust me back then? No! Did you at least think of me for once before leaving? No! Then how dare you expect me to cooperate with you and your stupid apology or explanation, whatever that is!? Oh wait! Just because I allowed you to stay, did you think that I have forgiven and forgotten everything? If that's the case, then you are so wrong Mr. Jeon! I allowed you to stay, only because of my child."
As my tears kept threatening to escape again, I diverted my gaze away from him, and was about to leave the balcony, when he held me back by grabbing my arm, and with one harsh tug, turned me around. The pain and guilt in his eyes were now replaced with anger and frustration. His gaze remained unwavering, and through his gritted teeth he said, "I will let you leave. Before that, you need to answer my questions."
Y/N: "I don't-"
"Enough Y/N! Stop turning your back on me. I need my answers, right here, right now." Jungkook hissed. I could literally see the fire in his eyes. I wanted to leave, but his sudden shift in the behavior stopped me from doing so. I kept quiet, allowing him to proceed with his interrogation.
Jungkook: "If it is really all because of RoWoon, then why did you tell him that I am his father, and not Jimin?!"
"Because I had to put in your name in the adoption form, as Jimin-sshi and I were going through-" But he didn't allow me to complete, making me bite my lower lip in anxiety.
Jungkook: "That's the lamest excuse I have ever came across Y/N. Okay! Even if I consider it, answer me this one then. Why did you break up with Jimin in the first place?! You used to love him, right? Then what happened to that love?! Did it evaporate with the passing time? You may say that he forced you to take that decision. But even if that's the case, then I don't think you would have given up on him so easily, if your love would have been real. And why? Why did you narrate all our stories to RoWoon? Why did you give him the hope, that one day I will definitely return?! And moreover, why did you keep clinging on to that hope as well?"
Y/N: "Because of our friendship..."
Jungkook laughed aloud sarcastically. "Friendship?! Seriously Y/N? Your sense of humor has improved I see!" Unable to utter anything, I lowered my gaze.
Jungkook: "Look at me Y/N."
As I didn't even dare to look at him, vulnerability and embarrassment taking over me at the same time, he suddenly let go of my hand, allowing it to fall on my side, and instead held my waist and pulled me towards him. Placing his index finger under my chin, he lifted my face. "I said. Look. At. Me." His deep, husky voice sent chills down my spine, as he held me dangerously close to him, his lips inches away from mine.
Jungkook: "Was it really that hard for you to understand my love for you?! Yes, I wasn't able to confess my feelings to you directly, but what about those uncountable hints that I kept giving you continuously?! Were they really not clear enough? Or did you simply decide to ignore them, because you had already given your heart to Jimin by then!? And if that's the case, then why did you give him up?!"
"Watch your words Jungkook! You are hurting my sentiments!" I was extremely surprised by his harsh nature, something I had never experienced till date.
Jungkook: "My entire life I have provided you with happiness. Now to get my answers, if I need to hurt you a bit, then I will do that, and you will as well have to endure it Miss Kim." His stern words made me flinch, as I could feel the warm liquid welling up in my eyes once again. I was trying my best to hold them back, but those stupid tears won this time. And the moment they spilled from my eyes, and I looked away from Jungkook, his features changed.
Finally loosening his grip, he surprisingly let go of me, and flopped down on the floor. "I am sorry for being rude with you Doll. But I really want to know, what is exactly going on within you. I know I have committed too many mistakes, and it's hard for you to forgive me. But trust me love, I am trying! I am trying my level best! I know you have suffered a lot, but that does not mean I was living in heaven! I know what hell of a life I was leading, until I met you again, here in New York. Doll, if-if you don't want to forgive me, then it's absolutely fine! But at least allow me to explain! At least allow me to get rid of the burden to the slightest! I know I won't be able to get rid of my burdens fully. But if apologizing to you can get me to get rid of one-third of it, then please allow me to do so Doll, please!" He leaned his head backwards on the railing, and closed his eyes, a few drops escaping from his eyes too.
"I guess I am being over-excessively hard with him now. I can at least give him the chance to explain his side too." As I kept battling the conflict between my heart and mind, both of them suggesting two different choices at the same moment, I sat myself down in-front of him. "How did you come to New York Jungkook?"
He was sitting absolutely still, making we wonder, whether he had fallen asleep or not. I was about to nudge him lightly, when he finally parted his lips to answer. He kept his eyes closed though; there wasn't any change in his posture as well. "After our Graduation, I was unsure with my future plans. I wanted to continue with my higher studies, but studying abroad was not at all a part of my priority list. I kept contemplating between various choices. And then the day came, when the news of you getting married to Jimin was disclosed to me."
"Were you already having feelings for me by then?" I couldn't control myself from asking him this question. Nodding his head slowly, he continued with his story. "I was already deeply in love with you by then. Hearing the news, I was completely shattered." He took a deep breath. "The moment I reached back home from the park, I knew I couldn't stay there any longer. I decided to leave as soon as possible, as I didn't want to complicate things between the three of us by revealing my feelings for you. Hastily, I started applying for preferable universities in abroad, and luckily, I got through a few of them, one being the XXX University in New York, from where I completed my higher studies and research. The commencement date for my classes were scheduled from one week after your wedding. But I wasn't prepared to accept the fact, that the love of my life was going to become someone else's. The thought of it was enough for me. I didn't want to experience it physically as well. Therefore, I left on the day of your wedding."
Jungkook slowly opened his eyes and looked back at me, the grief in his eyes quite evident. I was not the only one who had been struggling. Rather he was the one who had been into a more hurtful struggle, and that also for so long a time that it made me feel helpless and guilty at the same time.
Y/N: "And what about now? Did you ever consider returning back to Seoul?"
Jungkook: "Not really, to be honest. Being a Professor and an owner of a Diner, I didn't have much of a choice. But now when you ask, I think I never actually considered moving back, as it took me too much of an effort to escape from my past. And moving back to Seoul meant coming in contact with it again. But never did I ever imagine even in my wildest dreams that the past from which I was running away, was actually there beside me all this time."
"Are you sad to have met us again?" I lowered my head upon hearing his words and feeling hurt, thinking that the person who once used to keep clinging on to me, was eventually running away from me due to mere lack of communication and misunderstanding. As I kept fighting with my emotions, I felt his hand on one of my knees, caressing it soothingly. "If that would have been the case, then I wouldn't have been sitting here in-front of you, pouring my heart out, and pleading with you for a last chance. I wouldn't have followed you guys all the way to your home from the park. After getting to know that RoWoon is your kid, I wouldn't have given him a chocolate and embraced him as my child too. Rather I would have left that place immediately, if abandoning my past completely would have been my real wish."
Shooting my head up with surprise, I blurted out, "So you were the one who gave RoWoon the chocolate?!" As Jungkook nodded his head in response and asked me why I was so surprised and yelled at RoWoon back then for having the chocolate, I narrated 'RoWoon-getting-choked-because-of-the-chocolate' incident to him.
It was already quite late at night. We kept sitting there, lost in our own thoughts, an awkward silence taking over, when I finally decided to ask him the questions, whose answers I had been seeking for quite some time now.
Y/N: "Jungkook? Can I ask you certain things?"
Closing his eyes again and leaning his head back on the railing he hummed in response, affirming me to move along. Changing my position, I stood up and sat down beside him, keeping in mind to maintain the adequate distance between us. As I turned my head towards him, I noticed his face. Though it was quite dark out there, yet I was able to make out his features clearly. His stature had become quite manly, clearly proving his indulgence in work-outs, and also not to forget his entire arm filled with tattoos, starting from his fingers and going all the way up to his shoulder-blades probably. His eyes though had the old childish glow in them, but along with it, they had retained the determination and tensions of adulthood too. His lips still had the pinkish tint, the scar on his cheek that he had once got from his older brother due to a fight was very much there as well. The sharp jawline of his which was currently in the relax mode, held the power to clench drastically, whenever he got furious. His hair, that once used to be pretty short had grown to the length where he can tie them up easily into a man-bun, making himself look even more handsome. Unknowingly I realized, the Jungkook who I always thought would remain as my baby bunny, had actually grown up to be the marvelous Professor Jeon, masculinity oozing out of him to the fullest.
"It feels good to see you observing me so intently after such a long time." Though the atmosphere around us was quite sensitive, yet he finally revealed his bunny smile, the smile that I had been craving to see for ages. Embarrassment took over me, as I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, bringing my stupid gawking session to an end by abruptly moving my gaze away from him. I was so engrossed in studying him, that I didn't even realize when he had opened his eyes and was looking back at me.
"You stupid stupid stupid woman! How can you be so careless? What happened to your manners?! Forgotten them already?!" I scoffed at myself internally. Seeing me zoning out again, Jungkook cleared his throat in order to bring me back to reality. "So, what is it, that you want to ask me?"
Y/N: "Oh! That, yes... Remember that day when I told you to meet me in the park, you said that you had something to confess to me as well?! But after I told you about my wedding and later on, on our way back to home, when I asked you about it, you said it was not that big of a deal, and you would tell it to me later. I could feel back then that you were lying to me. Though I didn't pester you to tell it, but I wanted to ask you about it later on, but then never really got the chance to do so I guess. So, what was it Jungkook?"
As I completed my question, there was a sudden change in Jungkook's facial expression. It was quite clear that I had stepped into a restricted or rather into a secret zone of his. But I didn't want to back out of it now, as too many secrets were the only reason that forced us to fall apart. After hesitating for a few moments, he finally uttered slowly, yet clearly, "I was supposed to propose you on that day Y/N." And the moment those words left his mouth, I felt a sharp, piercing pain in my heart, a lump gradually forming in my throat making it impossible for me to swallow it down. I looked up to see a few drops escaping from his eyes and landing on his lap. "Why Jungkook? Why didn't you speak up then?!" I let my words out finally, my voice trembling at the revelation.
Jungkook: "How could have I done so Y/N?! You were so happy back then! How could have I dared to mingle with your happiness?! I had always kept you and your happiness as my utmost priority! Then how could have I done something that might have risked your happiness, tell me!?" As I saw him breaking down in-front of me, my body voluntarily pulled him into my embrace, to which he immediately wrapped his arms strongly around my waist, digging his face deep down into the crook of my bare neck, making it wet with his tears.
I kept rubbing his back to calm him down. As he stammered, his lips kept brushing against my neck, giving me goosebumps. "I know, it's-it's hard for you to for-forgive me Doll! But-"
Y/N (voice shaking as well): "Was it that hard for you to trust me with your feelings Jeon?!"
Quickly pulling himself away from my embrace and shaking his head vigorously, he stated, "No! No! Not at all! Why would I distrust you? Rather I was afraid of the fact that it may ruin our friendship. And I could not, at all, afford to lose you. I was-"
"Lose me? Really? And still you are saying that you didn't distrust me? Isn't this statement of yours' a proof enough that I was never able to gain your trust fully?!" I spitted out my thoughts with much pain, not bothering enough to let him complete his part of explanation.
Jungkook: "No Doll. You are again misunderstanding me."
Y/N (scoffing): "Then what was it Jungkook, which stopped you from revealing your true feelings to me? Our entire life the both of us had always shared every single bit of everything with each other, then what made you hide such a big emotion of yours from me?! Were you scared of my reaction? That how I would have reacted to it?" Though I asked him a question, but before he could even start with his response to it, I continued with my own trail of thoughts. "And to be very honest, what could have been my extreme reaction?! I would have rejected you at that moment, as before that, apart from friendship, I had never considered of having any other relationship with you, as our bonding, our friendship provided me with all the comfort, security, affection that I ever wanted. So, yes, I could have got shocked, I may would have screamed at you, and would have rejected you. But then again how could you even think that I would have left you for something like that?" Keeping his head low, Jungkook muttered back, "I don't know. I just felt like, I would screw up things if I try to take this friendship of ours to any other level."
Y/N (sarcastically): "And you didn't screw up, right? You didn't lose me, right? These five long years we weren't apart from each other, right Jungkook?" He didn't even utter a single word, and just kept his head hanging low, which eventually made me to heave out a sigh of frustration and disappointment, as I very well knew that this conversation would just leave us to a dead end. It won't come up with any solution, it won't be able to erase all the sufferings and pain the both of us had been through. So, practically there was no reason for us to keep up with this conversation. Therefore, I finally decided to end it with a few final words of mine.
Y/N (while standing up): "Jeon, I won't deny the fact that, you too were struggling. You too had gone through a painful situation. But similarly, I too can't deny my share of sufferings and pain as well. You had trusted me with everything, so you could have just trusted me with this part as well. I know, if you would have revealed your feelings back then, then I would have acted a bit differently, but I would have never left you. The consequences would have been different then. Because, the girl, who for her entire life had always trusted you blindly, had always found her solace, her safe haven in you, that girl wouldn't have taken much of a time to understand the fact that she had feelings for her own best friend. Because if that girl wouldn't have unacknowledged feelings for her best friend deep down within her heart, then she would have never kept on incessantly questioning about the true identity of her secret admirer." Snapping his head up towards my direction, Jungkook was just about to say something, but I nonetheless stopped him by raising one of my hands.
Y/N: "No Jeon, I don't want to hear the remaining part of your explanation. Because both of us know that this conversation very well has a dead end. And I am not at all denying or diminishing your sufferings. But it's just, I think, it's enough for today. I just want to say that, I am really happy that you decided to turn up, as my child will be experiencing the happiness of having a father, because he really does love you a lot, and really has craved for your presence too. And his happiness is everything for me. So, I will definitely not take him away from his father. But that's it. For me, you will just be my child's father, nothing more, and nothing less." And with that said, I quickly turned around, and rubbing my tears off, I hastily left the balcony.

JUNGKOOK'S POV

And I didn't stop her from leaving, for then. Because deep down inside my heart I knew that, even though the mess which I had created was huge, but yet, it wasn't something which can not be recovered. And finally standing up, and turning around and leaning against the railing, I stared up at the beautiful night sky which was getting itself ready for the sun-rise, and finally hummed out...

"With the breaking of this new dawn, I promise you my Doll, I will bring back the lost happiness of our lives.
And You Gonna Be Happy - Turn This All Around - When Everything Is New - Zero O' Clock!"