Even After Everything (After #1) (COMPLETED)

23: Seb

"How do you want to celebrate your birthday?"

The stale smell of Paris is infiltrating my nose but I didn't make a fuss about it. If it weren't for the smell of freshly baked coffees, the perfume shops, the coffees still being brewed even when it's already night, the pollution here in Paris was enough to put me in a bad taste. Yet hyung is with me, enjoying every bit of it I am trying to do the same.

"Basta kasama ko lang mga mahahalagang tao sa buhay ko, hyung."

"Is that it?" He sniggered, pocketing his hands inside his jacket.

"Yep."

"No wonder the surprise you had yesterday makes you that..."

"Happy. And grateful." sinagi ko nang mahina ang balikat niya. "Really, hyung. I grew up with... almost nothing. So nasanay na ako. But... what matters to me is celebrating it with the people who are with me during that whole year. Kaya nga hindi n'yo na ako makausap kahapon sa tuwa, eh."

I was really feeling... on the edge after what happened in Seoul. Na kahit ilang shows na ang dumaan after that, it still haunts me. It affected my performance a little kaya sinubukan ko munang lumayo kapag may pagkakataon. That's why I went to the stage after the makeup: to have a fresh air and to stop the guilt coursing my chest every time I see hyung.

Sa totoo lang... naiba ang plano ko. I've planned that if we have a day or two intervals before the next show date, susubukan kong umalis saglit at kalimutan 'yung nangyari. But there were surprises within the band and with the fans...

In a haze, I've changed it and mumbled: Hyung doesn't deserve to be hidden with something like this. The weight of hiding what was between us was heavy already. The prospect of him knowing I've kissed someone through someone else will be... a fucking mess.

Kaya ko siya inaya ngayon. Nakiusap ako nang sobra kay Norwyn para bigyan kami ng time. I don't know what had happened or blew on him at pumayag siya. But now...

"What's the best gift you've ever received on your past birthdays?"

Are we really doing that getting-to-know-more moments between couples? The thought made me smile a little wider and pondered about his question.

"I think..." tumingala ako sa langit ng France. "It was when... I learned I'm graduating a few days after my 21st birthday? Ang hirap noon, ah! Ginapang ko 'yung pangbayad sa exam!"

"What was your work that time?"

"Waiter, I think. Waiter slash cook." Ngisi ko. "It wasn't a big and good pay. Rumaket ako mag-delivery boy para may madagdag sa ipon ko."

He nodded appreciatively. "I'm proud of you."

"Wow. Thanks."

"Was this the first time someone said that?"

Mabilis akong umiling. "Marami naman. But hearing it from you?" humalakhak ako at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.

We have no idea where this long walk is leading us but... I checked the time and tama lang siguro na pagabi na at malapit na kami mismo sa tower. "You, hyung?"

"Anong 'ako'?"

"Greatest gift na natanggap mo?"

"US green card." he replied with a grin. "Told my parents I'm gonna join the US military as soon as I graduate."

I felt my whole stomach dropped. "Military?"

"Yep. Why?" he raised his brow at me. "Don't I look fit for the military?"

"No! No... I was just... perturbed?" halakhak ko but I can feel my ribs breaking a little. "Parang... hindi ko nahulaan o nabasa na you'd want..."

We passed by a hotdog-stand and he urged me to buy some. As the old French man prepared the orders, I envisioned hyung in a military uniform, on a battlefield, his uniform tattered and drenched in... blood. I shook it away and the next image made me giggle a little.