The Perfect Rejection

Chapter Nine - New

I couldn't find the right words so I remained silent. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as Xavier scooped me up into his arms and held me tight against his chest. I kept my arms wrapped tightly around myself, letting my head rest against his shoulder as I tried to ignore the tingling in my extremities.

My hands started to grow sweaty as he carried me up the stairs, past my bedroom . . . and into his. He went directly to his bathroom and my stomach flipped when he put me down so that I was sitting on the counter. He grabbed a washcloth from a cabinet and ran it under the faucet. Just as I went to ask what he was doing, he brought the towel up to my face and I flinched as he ran it over my cheek. He paused. "Is this okay?"

I swallowed down the fear creeping back up my throat and gave him a tiny nod. There was nothing but focus as he cleaned the blood off of my face before moving to my arms and my hands. I had no clue how to process the emotions barreling through my mind.

My wolf was quiet now, but I swear I could feel his anger; he seemed to grow more agitated whenever I was afraid. I was surprised he hadn't tried to take control from me again, especially considering how unbelievably powerless I'd been around Xavier today.

"What's on your mind?" he murmured as he moved to wipe the blood off of my thighs.

My shorts had ridden up a little and I panicked, grabbing his wrist. He stopped, his gaze flicking up to meet mine. He didn't try to continue but instead just waited for me to answer his question.

My chest tightened slightly. "It's just chaos," I admitted.

He tilted his head, his eyebrows knitting together as he searched my face. "Chaos how?"

He's going to think I'm insane, I thought.

Well right now he just thinks you're pathetic; insane would be an improvement.

I couldn't keep my gasp internalized. My mouth fell open in horror and I dug my nails into my palms as I tried to hold back the tears in my eyes.

Xavier said my name in a growl, forcing my gaze back to his. "What?" he asked.

I clenched my fists until I felt blood on my skin. Xavier carefully wiped my hands clean again almost instantly, the rag stained a reddish-brown now. "Roxanne, I won't force you to, but I'd like you to talk to me. You don't have to deal with those demons on your own anymore. I can't promise I will be able to fix it, but I can promise I'll try everything I possibly can," he said gently.

The tears spilled over instantly. "I feel like I don't have any control anymore," I whispered, my voice breaking.

"Because of your wolf?"

I shook my head, then nodded. "He's not helping but I've felt it since I got here. I don't know who to trust. I don't know what to do with myself either. I just do as I'm told." It sounded even worse out loud. That little voice in my head—not my wolf's this time—was screaming at me for being an ungrateful little brat again.

He let out a small sigh. "It's easier when you know not to trust anyone and your only goal is to survive to the next day."

I blinked at him in surprise. "Yeah, exactly."

Xavier smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. "That I understand. And I can also tell you that it does get better," he said. "I found a few tricks over the years that make it easier."

"Yeah?" I asked, hope flaring in my chest at the thought.

This time he grinned and it was such a beautiful sight. "First you're going to help me set some boundaries for you."