The Sleepless Moon

76. A sleepless girl with no future

LUNA

"Hey", I greet Thalia when I see her get out of her room, rubbinh her eyes, her hair messy, and the strands of her hair protruding from their usually neat places.

"Hey, you're up", she smiles brightly, and yawns shortly. "Did you manage to get some rest?"

After she had left me in the room she had prepared in case she ever had a kid, aware that I was still awake, I kept tossing and turning, but with a big difference from the night before. I didn't try to fall asleep this time. I knew I couldn't. Not without him.

All this time I only needed a kind boy to hug me, kiss me, and place me on his chest so I can catch some rest.

Is he really a solution?

How is it possible?

A boy?

Not any other medicine?

Those are just some of the questions that kept going round and round through my mind in the night of the full moon. I guess Luna can't sleep when the moon is full let alone when it's not.

"Yes", I lie. "Yes, I did."

An expression on her face is sad, she's not persuaded, and I know I haven't succeeded in convincing her. But fortunately, she doesn't ask further about it.

"Do you want breakfast? I made eggs and bacon?" I place a pan on the counter, and Thalia sits on the barstool, eyeing the pan, her mouth watering. Then her eyes meet mine, and her expression changes, it softens.

"You really didn't have to. I could have made us."

"It's okay. I was already up since dawn." I accidentally say that, catching a glance from her that says I'm sorry. I only offer her a bitter smile before turning to serve her breakfast, taking a plate and utensils. "Also, I saw you some chocolate flakes. I didn't want to take them before I asked you. Can I have them?" I turn to look over my shoulder, and see her undoing her ponytail, shaking her head, so her curls are bouncing on her shoulders.

"Oh, sure", she says when she meets my glance. "Of course, you can. I'm glad you made me breakfast though you didn't have to. No one has done that for me for a very long time."

"I'm glad I did. It was a pleasure really." I smile, and place a plate with pink roses in front of her. "Bon apetit!"

"Thank you, Luna. Prepare yourself breakfast, too. I don't want you to be late and with empty stomach."

"Oh, I'm not going today", I say like it's nothing, though I'm preparing for a fight with Thalia.

"Luna..." Here it goes.

"Thalia..."

"You've already missed three days, and you know the principle doesn't love that. Besides, it's your final year, you shouldn't be this absent."

"It's okay." I wave my hand through the air. "It's not like I'll be doing something after high school. I'll just take care of grandpa and Scar."

This comes out more bitterly than I intended it to. I don't mind taking care of my family if not it's what I'd like to do for the rest of my life - to be by their side and never ever leave them.

"What are you talking about?" My literature professor who also is a person who reminds me of my mom sometimes, leaves utensils on either side of the plate, chewing slowly, and once she's done she speaks again. "Of course, you'll do something, Luna. You have a bright future in front of you. I can see it."

"Well, I can't." I lean my back on the sink.

"If you keep missing classes, I won't see it either," she mumbles, picking the utensils again.

"Well, it looks like you forgot that today is the day I lost both of my parents, and almost died!", I yell. "I wanna go to their grave!"

"You've been doing that for years, what makes this day special? You can't keep living on the graveyard, Luna. You're digging yourself a grave that way, too."

"So what?" My eyes prick with tears and I turn to the sink, placing my hands on either side of it. "Maybe I want a grave for myself", I murmur too quiet for her to hear.

"Luna..." Thalua is next to me, and I get out of the kitchen, not wanting to be consoled by her now.

How can she ask what makes this day different? I almost died on this day. I killed the two most important people in my life. I became a murderer. I remember Boris who assured me that I was no murderer. But I am, Boris, I am. But thanks for popping in my mind now. I missed you. I miss you.

"I didn't mean in that way."

"Which way?", I snap, turning abruptly, and my hair hits me in the face. I push it to the side agressively. "Which way you actually meant it, Thalia? Because if you meant to say the way that I should go to the stupid school and sleep on the classes, or desperately try to stay awake and not to go to the graves of my parents to tell them how much I love them and how sorry I am", I hiccup, "that I killed them, then okay, I understand." I scratch my face hysterically, wipping the tears away, but they continue falling rapidly oene after the other.

"Luna, I..."

"It's okay, Thalia. No, it's completely okay. Forget that I was here. Enjoy your breakfast. Sorry I stepped here last night."

"Luna, wait..."

"No, I won't wait!", I shout, and grab my denim jacket from the sofá on which I lay last night and nuzzled in Thalia's body, remembering my mom. "I thought", I sob, "I thought you understood me. I thought that after all these years spending with me, getting to know me, my story, my grandpa, that you got to understand at least a little of how I feel. But now I see you didn't."

I shake my head. I approach her, and she parts her lips, and I notice her eyes shining. Tears? I don't know. I guess so. "I don't have a future, Thalia."

"No", she's crying now.

"I don't. You have to accept it."

"No, I..."

"You have to. I'm  sleepless girl with no future."

And with that I leave.

"Luna! Luna, come back!"

But I don't turn around, and I keep going to continue my life without future and with no sleep.

A/N

I hit 18k views on this story! I'm so happy! Thank you all for reading! The next chapter is about Boris and Luna's grandpa! I like it very much, hope that you will too!