nineteen

21

Blue's POV

I woke up two hours later after dozing off with Peep's head in my lap only to find him gone. I look around and only Tracy is sitting nearby, cutting up lines on his phone. "Ayo B you're awake" he spoke.

"Where's Gus?" I ask immediately, followed by "what time is it??". "He's just outside having a cigarette, it's like 6" he responds. Relief fills my body. Tracy slides his phone over to me with 3 perfectly cut lines across the face. "You want one?" he asks. "Sure" I say as he passes me the rolled up bank note. The powder shoots up my nose making my eyes water and leaving a mild sting. "Thanks" I say as he nods, I start to wake up immediately.

I step outside the bus to find Peep sitting on the curb of the road in front of me with his head in his hands over his knees. "Peep?" I say gently. His head lifts at the sound of my voice. His eyes are red like he'd been crying. "Are you okay baby?" I ask, shuffling over to sit next to him.

His eyes look so sad. My heart aches seeing him this way. "I don't know Blue" he responds quietly. I wrap my arm around him and rub his back gently. "What's going on?" I ask.

"I don't know i'm just anxious as fuck. Sometimes I feel like i'm not cut out for this life" he says softly. "Hey...Peep you're incredible you know that?" I say, wishing I could somehow get into his head and erase all his negative thoughts but I know it's impossible. I know because i've felt like this before too. I know that nothing I say will make a difference right now. I just wanted him to know i'm by his side and I adore him just like everyone else around him. He's my reason to smile.

"You don't have to do this show tonight baby you know that right?" I tell him. I worry he's pushing himself too hard. He shakes his head. "I'm doing it, I can't let them down" he says stubbornly. He has so much pressure on him and I just wish I could take it all off. "You need to put yourself first sometimes Gus. There's nothing wrong with that" I say. He just looks at me in the eyes for a while. His poor exhausted sad brown eyes. Then he throws his arms around me and cries into my shoulder for what felt like eternity.

I just held him for a while. My poor broken boy. He eventually calmed down a little and took a deep breath, sitting upright. We sat there in silence for a while. He leaned over and kissed me on the top of the head. "I love you so much Blue."

Peep was adamant about doing the show, he refused to let anyone down. We shared a blunt on the curb before he head back into the bus to get ready.

I sit on our bed doing my makeup while he gets dressed. He dips his fingernail into a baggie and bumps it. He perks up a little. He stands there staring at himself in the mirror. "Fuck I need a drink" he says. He leaves and returns with two henny cokes, handing me one. I sip as I finish up my makeup. I can see him staring at me from the corner of my eye.

"You're so beautiful Blue" he says, his adorable cheeky grin returning making my heart melt. "You're beautiful Peepy" I say giggling, jumping up into his arms. He catches me and holds me against his bare torso, my legs wrapped around his waist. He leaves kisses on my neck. "Thankyou" he whispers in my ear.

"For what?" I ask. "Everything. You make everything better" he says. I squeeze him tightly, barely able to wipe the grin off my face.

He sets me down on the bed, taking a moment to stare at me, still grinning. "Let's get drunk" he chuckles, stretching his hand out for me to grab it and help me up off the bed.

The mood had dramatically elevated from the way it was in the morning. All the boys were getting lit and ready for the show. Peep was in a better mood, and I was just happy to be here with him.

We head into the venue when it was time to go. We enter through the back as it was already packed with fans. All the GBC boys are kicking it in a room to the back and Peep is about to head down the dark hallway that leads to the stage. They couldn't see him yet but there was already a mass of screams coming from the crowd.

Peep begins to make his way down the hallway and stops and looks back at me waving him off. He stands still for a while so I walk up to him to make sure he's okay.

The hallway was dark, nothing but dim yellowish lights slightly illuminated the walkway from the artists room to the stage. His tattooed face is barely distinguishable in the darkness. I approach his tall lean silhouette.

He pins me against the cold concrete wall and begins to kiss me, my face in his hands. His warm lips moved against mine, his tongue following. He kissed me for a while then pulled away and looked down at my face in the darkness. "You've got this Peepy" I say with a smile. He grins and kisses my forehead. "I love you" he tells me, and makes his way out to the crowd who's screams became audibly louder as he stepped into their view, leaving me in the hallway.

I stand there for a moment taking everything in. Still finding it so crazy that this is my life now. I hear and feel the walls vibrating to the heavy bass of Nineteen beginning to play mixed with wild screaming. I hear Gus's voice begin to sing.

"I don't wanna lose you, I don't wanna hate you I don't wanna do you like that"