As His World Changed (MxM)

Chapter 23

"Atlas... have you ever thought about the sacrifices I have made, about how many things I have given up since I am here?"

The Alpha was taken aback. "A couple of days ago I saw my best friend again. He was buying a suit for his prom. I remembered thinking: I never got to graduate, I never started my soccer career, I left my mom and sister behind, I have never been to church anymore since I am here, and I have been hated by many. All of this while I have been studying my ass off to fit in, I have forgiven you after the attack, and I have accepted that I have to stay here. At times I don't recognize myself anymore because my life has changed so much... And yes, I have been a pain in the ass because there was nobody to advocate for me, nobody who stood up for me. So, when I heard about the children or pups, I couldn't keep up anymore. It was, is too much for me while I am already trying so hard to be a good mate. Not the mention the looks I have been given this evening, the attitude people gave me... It's too much Atlas... too much." A silent tear rolled down Niel's cheek. 

"I just want to be alone tonight. Just tonight."

Atlas didn't know what to say, how to respond. He had indeed never thought about it. The transfer of Niel's human life to the pack life wasn't easy or smooth. But Atlas only could see how it was Niel's fault because he was so stubborn, only he had forgotten to see why Niel was so stubborn.

"It's alright I will go for the night, you stay here."

"No, no, it's alright-"

"It's fine Niel, I will go."

Without another word, Atlas left the bedroom and Niel was left there standing alone. He had to take in Atlas' actions. He didn't expect it.

The next day it was quiet at the breakfast table. Levi and Rain both looked at each other with questioning faces, hoping the other might know what had happened between Niel and Atlas. They still hadn't heard about how the gala went which grew them concerned.

It was Ezra, who for once decided to join breakfast at the pack house, who asked, "How did it go last night Alpha?"

Atlas stopped midway in his futile attempt to get the last bits of hot sauce out of the bottle. "It could have gone better..."

"Did something happen?" Ezra asked.

"Let's not talk-"

Niel cleared his throat. "I kinda made a fool out of myself and subsequently out of Atlas as well. I kinda messed up."

"Why?!" Both Levi and Rain asked in unison.

Atlas held up his hands. "Niel didn't make a fool out of himself, it was all a misunderstanding... They thought he was a hunter."

"Huh? Why?" Rain pressed again.

"Because of my mother's necklace," Niel answered. "And I may or may not have pulled Atlas out of an important meeting."

Ezra's gaze turned serious. "Alpha we need to assess this immediately, if this goes out-"

"I have already been working on it. Don't worry. As I said it was all a misunderstanding. Now there is work that needs to be done. Levi, Ezra, follow me."

Like that the three men walked out of the dining room. When they were out of sight Niel carefully turned to Rain and asked, "Can we talk after breakfast?"

"Yes, of course, fresh meat." Niel couldn't sleep last night. The happenings at the party were replaying in his head and they scared him. He had never thought about being intimate with Atlas until then. The teenager was first solely focused on having a healthy relationship with Atlas, so they could communicate without fighting every minute.

The two of them walked to the same pond where Rain had told Atlas' age. When both settled down on a fallen trunk of a tree the shewolf asked, "So what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"So, uhm, last night the topic of having children came up which is not what I wanted to talk about. You see when I thought about that it made me think about... about being i-intimate w-with Atlas..." Niel didn't know how to talk about this.

Sex and being intimate with one another wasn't much talked about in his household or at school for that matter. Well at least with the people he talked which weren't many.

"What about it?" Rain asked. Growing more curious. Could it be Niel was finally ready? She thought.

"I-I don't know how-how to be..."

"Intimate?"

Niel nodded his head while looking down at his fingers who were busy getting the thread of his shirt.

"Why the sudden interest?"

"Because I start to realize more and more that this is going to be my life, but at the same time I don't know if I can be ever intimate with a guy."

"Have you ever been intimate with a girl?" Rain asked carefully.

"No, why would you ask that?"

"Well, how do you know you could be intimate with a girl but not a guy if you never have tried either."

Niel was speechless. He had no comeback for that one.

"Have you ever been interested in any girls in your class or school?" Niel shook his head. "Okay, have you ever had, uhm, fantasies of some sort?"

The teenager tilted his head in confusion. "You mean how I saw my future? Because that is easy, get a good job, get a wife, get a house, and then children."

"Uhm that's not really what I meant, but have you ever envisioned your future differently than this?

"No, that's all I ever been told-"

"Been told?" Rain asked confused. "How can your future be told? That's something for you to decide... Never mind, have you ever been attracted to somebody? Like if you close your eyes who is the first person that comes to mind who you think is nice to be around, nice to talk to, and maybe even looks nice?"

Niel tried to think of somebody. Nobody really came to his mind, well except maybe from somebody he was close to but he didn't want to believe it. The only person he liked to be around was Lucas. But he was a... guy.

"And do you have someone?"

Niel sighed, "Not really."

"Okay but back to the topic, how do I do i-intimacy?" Niel looked back at his fingers which were fumbling with his shirt again.

"Well, you don't have to have sex right away. You can first try to hold hands, cuddle, sit on his lap, maybe share a kiss, and then maybe after all that... sex."

"Okay but I have one problem, I often didn't like his touch. How do I get over that?"

Rain widened her eyes. "Jeez fresh meat, you ask me tough questions here... Maybe you have to get familiar with touch, his touch."

Niel absentmindedly nodded his head. He was indeed never a person who liked touch. He rarely gave his family members hugs, let alone his friends or teammates. He sighed again. It was hard, it all was. If it were up to him he would run away. All this talk about intimacy but also indirectly about his sexuality made his head pound. 

"Thank you Rain."

"No problem Niel."