tamber-scream 5

22:Shes Not Okay

Ambers POV
I wake up crying and shaking. I had a nightmare about the attack. I try to calm myself down so I don't wake Tara up but I fail and she wakes up. "Hey what's wrong?"She says when she notices i'm crying. I just keep crying. She pulls me into her chest, she runs her fingers through my hair. Honestly I'm thankful Tara's here right now because without her I don't know what i'd do. Every since the attack, i've had nightmares like this but the one I had tonight has been the worst. Ghostface was killing Tara right in front of me and there was nothing I could do.

"It's okay, I'm here it's okay. What's wrong?" Tara asks. "I had a.." I start to say but start crying harder. Tara pulls me closer into her and let's me cry into her chest. "I had a nightmare he killed you right in front of me and there was nothing I could do to save you. I was scared Tara, I was really scared. I cant loose you." I say as I cry.

"Look i'm right here and i'm perfectly fine and so are you. It's okay baby. Im right here and i'm not going anywhere." Tara says as she kisses the top of my head. I finally pull myself away from Tara and walk to the bathroom.

tw: self harm
I hate this. Ever since the attack, I haven't been myself. I only feel okay when i'm alone with Tara, she makes me feel okay and like everything is okay. But I can't keep crying into her and putting all my problems on her. Tara could do so much better than me. She could have the prettiest, smartest and best women ever but she has me. I'm none of those things. I open the bottom cabinet and pull out a tray.

TW: SELF HARM DONT READ IF YOUR BOTHERED BY THAT STUFF <3
I haven't cut myself in 2 months, I haven't cut my self since I started dating Tara. I don't want to do this to Tara but I have to. I grab a piece of paper and a pencil out of the tray.

to tara:
hey if your reading this i did something really stupid and just no it's not your fault. your the reason i've lived this long. i love you so much. i did what i did because i just cant do this anymore. i know it's stupid but im sorry. tara your my favorite person ever. i love you more than anything and you mean more to me than anyone. i couldn't imagine living without you. i want you to remember me forever but please go on and live a good life... for me. you have made me feel safe and like everything will be okay when nobody else could. your my comfort person. your the best girlfriend i could have ever wanted. ever since i met you in preschool i knew i loved you and i always will love you. your my person, your my happiness, your my savior, your my comfort, your my rock, your my soulmate. you really are. you matter more to me that anyone. so thank you. and what i did isn't your fault. without you i would have done it sooner. ever since the attack i've had horrible nightmares about stuff happening to you and me. what if i was suppose to die that night? what if that was suppose to happen? i just needed to feel something. you make me feel happy, safe, secure, loved, joyful and hopeful but without you i'm a mess. i can't handle myself anymore and i can't keep putting my problems on you and crying to you. tara, your the most beautiful girl i've ever seen. i want you to know how much i love you and how much you will always means to me. tara i just couldn't do it anymore. i want you to live your best life for me. don't forgot about me but live the best life you can. your my first and only love and will always be. fall in love with someone prettier, smarter, wealthier, and just better than me. you deserve the world. never forget that. tara i love you, forever and always

love
amber <3

I write that and fold it up and put 'Please give to Tara Carpenter' on top of it. I reach into the gray and grab a razor blade. I pull my sleeve up and cut right on my wrist. All I feel is serenity, I start to cry again. I see the blood run down my arm. I cut more, seeing my whole arm start to become red with blood. Suddenly I fall to the floor.

Tara's POV
Ambers been in the bathroom for a long time so I decide to go check on her. I'm it trying to invade her privacy, I just want to know she's okay. I walk to her bathroom and knock on the door. "Amber? Amber baby? Are you okay?" I ask. I start to knock more aggressively on the door. "Amber please. Are you okay?" I cry out. I open the door and I can't believe what I see. Amber, my beautiful girlfriend on the floor with blood running from her wrists. I see a razor in her hand. I immediately call 911, they are sending a ambulance. "Amber baby, wake up im here i'm here please Amber wake up." I yell. I grab her hand and pull it to my face. I start to cry harder than J ever have before.

My beautiful, sweet, perfect girlfriend Amber. "Please wake up! I love you! Amber! Please." I say as I cry.

I hear sirens and soon Amber is in a ambulance and i'm right beside her. The drive the hospital is long. The doctor is putting her in the ICU. Her chance of surviving is 50/50. She lost a lot of blood. My perfect love, I can't believe it. I haven't stopped crying. She is my world. I love her so much. We get to the hospital and they take her to a room. Im forced to stay in the waiting room. She has to get a blood transfusion. After about an hour, i'm told I can go see her. I walk to her room. "Are you Tara Carpenter?" The doctor asks. "Yes." I say and the doctor hands me a letter.

Fuck, it says 'tara' in Ambers hand writing on the top. I instantly break down again. I open the letter and start reading this. My tears stain the paper. Amber is the love of my life, she can't be dead. She just can't be. I finish reading the letter, i'm crying harder now. I burg my head in my hands and just sob.

My Amber, my love, my beautiful girlfriend. She's not dead. She can't be. I continue to cry for hours as I sit next to her.

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this is dark. i'm sorry if this bothers anyone i just needed drama and i've been through similar situations so i thought i'd write it. if it bothers anyone please tell me and i may take this chapter down. but thank you <33