RAGE (BWWM)

27

"Do you remember the first lesson of submission?" Rowan spoke up once I was situated between his legs. We were currently in his playroom—he was seated comfortably on the bed while I was kneeling on the floor. It took me a second to think about what he was asking. His sudden question made me feel like I was being bombarded, but luckily for me, I'd been preparing for a moment like this.

"It's about mastering the concept of obedience and self-discipline."

"And what does that mean?" He asked next.

"It means that, as a submissive, I should be able to comply with every order given to me. I should be able to put aside my feelings, wants, and needs to please you. Obedience must also come second nature. Meaning, I must adhere to your rules even without your instruction because that's what a good submissive does," I voiced, almost robotically.

"Good," he praised. "But what else? Tell me what you've learned so far."

"Oh, umm..." I took another second to think.

"Obedience and submission go hand in hand—they're often used interchangeably within the realm of BDSM, but they do not always mean the same thing. Obedience does not equal submission—obedience is simply the act of following orders while submission is the genuine willingness to submit to someone you trust and respect."

"Do you trust me?" He questioned, leaning forward.

"Yes, sir. Of course," I responded, staring into his relaxed eyes. It would be foolish of me not to trust him.

"Good, now what else have you learned?" He continued with his questions.

"Obedience is rewarded and disobedience is not. If I'm disobedient by any means, then I should expect to receive some form of punishment. Communication and consent are extremely vital to creating a safe environment. So even if I'm being punished, I should still speak up if I feel unsafe," I concluded.

I've learned way more than that in these past two months, but we'd be here all day if I tried to recall every single detail.

"Good, Amira," he acknowledged. I smiled a bit to myself. It would be embarrassing if I didn't commit such teachings to memory.

"How would you rate your submission thus far on a scale of one to ten?" He promptly continued, catching me off guard. I wasn't sure how to respond. I didn't want to go too low or too unrealistically high, so I decided to stay neutral.

"I would rate myself at a five," I replied. My submission was average at best—it wasn't terrible, but it also wasn't the best. And Rowan seemed to be pleased with my rating.

"I agree, but only because I haven't truly made you step outside of your comfort zone," he said, grabbing my chin. "I haven't challenged you enough, and that needs to change."

"Yes, sir," I nodded in agreement. He was right.

Even when it came to punishments, the only time that Rowan has had to punish me was when I went to that art gallery without permission. He was rightfully mad that I made plans instead of waiting on him to pick me up like a good submissive. The whole incident was my fault, and I paid the price. I got a little taste of what happens when I disobey, and my punishment quite literally shocked the hell out of me.

I would like to think that I've escaped further punishments simply because I've been on my best behavior—which wasn't untrue—but there was more to it. I haven't received any other punishments because Rowan hasn't challenged me enough to question my obedience. I've mostly stayed tightly secured within my comfort zone.

"Can you guess what the next lesson is about?" He moved his hand from my chin to caress my cheek. I responded with a simple, no, and Rowan then went on to tell me that there wasn't another lesson.