The Shine

No fly zone

Raven Nightshade Blackmore Pandora Lilith is scheduled to deliver her not-zombie soldiers at the end of the month, so I have some time to get her bribe money together. Not a lot of time, but some.

I called my old friend Roan Joseph and told him that I needed money fast. After he was done with all the blowjob jokes he gave me the number of the agent he was talking about when he kind of offered me a job and told me what an idiot I am.

Now that I know who he is I remember the agent being backstage too. He looks like a badass John C Reilly, or like that big frizzy-haired guy who see in old movies as a goon. I told him that I needed five grand fast. He asked me how attached I was to my kidney.

Everyone's a fucking comedian.

Once he was done busting my hump, he said that he could get me a fight for 1000 dollars in two months. I told him that was too little too late. After another long session of hump busting, he said that if I was okay "going underground" he could get me a fight for $1500 next week. He explained in great detail how grateful I should be for his offer because that's a lot more than normal. "Chick fights are rare" as he stated it.

The problem is that this action movie underground death fight is in Miami and I had a show in Sioux City the night before. That's a good 25 hour drive. The math on that may seem simple, $100 for a wrestling match versus $1500 to fight Jean-Clade Van Damme in an empty pool.

I pride myself on keeping my commitments. Plus every time you flake on a show that makes it that much harder to get another. I've been mildly flakey the last few months.

My solution to that problem was to drive to Omaha after the Sioux City show and catch a 6 AM flight to Miami the next morning, which was going to cut into my profits, but a grand is better than zero dollars by any math.

I couldn't buy a ticket online since I don't have a SSN and therefore don't exist and my magic trick doesn't work on computers. I figured I could buy a ticket at the airport. According to the internet, you can do that and it's cheaper.

Except that I couldn't so it wasn't. My spell for fake identification works by making people see whatever they think they need to see. I've wondered if it would hold up under close scrutiny. Nope is the answer to that.

I don't know if the guy at the airport is extra skeptical or if it was all the computer part or why it didn't work, but he started frowning and looking hard at my "ID" and I got spooked and bailed.

As I write this it's 1 AM, I'm in Omaha, and I need to be in Miami for an unsanctioned, unlicensed fight where I'm probably going to get my ass kicked by 6 PM.

Time to work some magic.

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