The Fall

Chapter 18

Sage

"How are we feeling today, Sage?" Dr. Lawrence asks, her curious gaze locked on my face. The hospital thought it'd be best to start my sessions with the good shrink before I'm discharged. I shift uncomfortablely in my seat, the leather feeling like moten lava beneath me.

"I'm okay." I raise my freshly arched brows. My mother barged into my room during breakfast with my eyebrow lady in tow and while the woman was waxing my brows to Kendall's satisfaction, mommy dearest was criticizing my grown out roots. "Will I have outpatient therapy here in the hospital?"

I've spent some time on the psych ward of Lake Shore hospital and trust me it wasn't all sunshine and daisies. Dr. Lawrence smiles and something settles in me before she speaks. "I have my own private practice so most of the time we'll have sessions there or in my office here if you'd like, but today I'd like to focus on what prompted you to attempt suicide." Her eyes ping pong on what I'm sure is obvious discomfort on my face.

"It's important to get to root of these issues if we're going to manage your sobriety as well." She sets her phone on her desk beside her laptop and my brows rise curiously. "All of our sessions will be recorded so I can make notes later. Everything that you tell me will stay between us, Sage. I get the sense that trust is a big thing for you." It's not so much a question, but a statement. Can I trust her though? Previous experience in institutions having proving that anyone can be bought by the Hendersons and my parents need to control my life knows no bounds.

I cross my legs, thankful my mother brought a few outfits until my transition into rehab. The designer jeans I'm wearing are a bit loose on my frame, an indicator of the weight I'd lost while comatose. My fingers toy with the ripped fringes of my jeans as I slide my gaze back to Dr. Lawrence, whose blue eyes are piercing into my soul. It's a bit disconcerting.

"I'm sure you've read my file. I've had my trust violated by previous therapists who'd rather report to my parents than ensure my well being." I cross my arms over my chest and narrow my eyes at her. "Do I need to worry about you as well?"

She blanches for a moment, put off by the snarkiness of my tone, but she should know that when it comes to my parents, everyone can be bought. "I've spoken to your father at great length and I've told him that I absolutely will not violate your trust. If anything, I'd like you to feel comfortable voicing your own thoughts and feelings with your parents." She places her elbows on her desk and props her chin on her hands.

I blink slowly. I've spent so much time shutting down my actual feelings in favor for the default emotions to please my parents that actually voicing them makes me uncomfortable. "What does that mean?"

"I'd like to try a few sessions with your parents when we get to that bridge. For now, I'm focused on you and what drove you to down an entire bottle of pills." Our gazed clash and I see the sincerity behind hers. She wants to help, but how can she help me when I'm still so fucking broken.

I swallow and clear my throat. "Well it all started when I was ten and found my mother cheating on my father...." The words that followed suddenly feeling too heavy and too real. Dr. Lawrence didn't gaslight my feelings like everyone else. She asked me questions earnestly and it felt like talking to a friend.

"When did your relationship with your mother become competitive?" She asks later and before I could answer, the timer goes off. "Ah, we're out of time. Today went well, Sage. I do have some homework for you that will help you with vocalizing your feelings properly." She pulls out a phone. I arch my brows curiously. "This phone is yours to use only for the purpose of our sessions. I want you to create a vlog of your thoughts and feelings on a day to day basis in addition to the journal you'll keep and we can discuss them both in our sessions. The goal of the camera is for you to see yourself when you confront those feelings head on. It will also help later during your sessions with your parents."

Okay, I think I can handle that. Maybe. "The point is to identify your triggers and help you cope and communicate in a healthy manner." She stands, brushing the front of her skirt before walking around her desk to me. "We'll have a session when you arrive at Hillcrest, but today was a good day."

A smile tugs at my lips as I stand, "It wasn't as bad as I thought. When do I start with the vlogging?" A smile tugs at her lips and she hands me the phone and notebook. "You can start today or tomorrow. It's really whenever the impulse hit you. I understand you're still under observation per hospital policy?"

I nod and she's typing on her phone. "You should be cleared by Friday. Let's get you back to your room, shall we."

When we get back to my room, my mother is folding my blanket at the foot of my bed and... singing. She hasn't done that since I was a child and the simmering anger building in my chest at the sight of her turns to sadness. She suddenly turns and her gray eyes brighten and widen in surprise. "I hope you don't mind. I um I just needed something to do while you were gone..." She steps away from my bed and looks to the floor.

"Well I'll be seeing you Friday, Sage. Remember what we discussed." Dr. Lawrence nods to my mother before walking out. Awkwardly, I step around my mother to sit on my hospital bed and slip off my Gucci slides to sit indian style on my bed. "Where's grandpa and Nana?" I ask while pulling my hair into a messy bun. I'd washed it the night before when Mom brought over a bag of hair and beauty products from her clients, Sinful Beauty.

I'd got to enjoy their Lustfully Yours body wash and moisturizer last night and this morning, but my hair was treated to their Deliciously Envy hair care line. The combo of the two leaving me smelling like a decadent forbidden dessert and I love it.

"Oh they went to look at houses and then they're coming here for lunch." She sighs and slowly sits in the chair closest to the door uncertainly, as if I'm going to kick her out at any time. I mean I'm thinking about it, but not yet. "I hope they find something by the water. I can imagine Gramps fishing and Nana packing sandwiches for the day."

"Stuart did mention a few properties in our neighborhood that are on the market." She muses, her flawless features deep in thought. Mom did always spend her time and money on maintaining her youth and I have to admit, Kendall looks good.

"Stuart? As in Stuart Kane? Hunter's brother?" I raised my brows in surprise. I'd thought Mom would recommend one of her friends as a realtor for my grandparents. She crosses her legs and smiles, "Ah we ran into him in the city and he mentioned that started his own company so naturally Dad hired him on the spot."

Sounds about right. We sit there in silence before the door springs open and my brother walked in carrying two coffees and muffins. "That better be a non-fat ice latte with pumpkin sweet cream." I crossed my arms and shot him a mock glare. Kyle smirks at me before his gaze lands on our mother. He arches a brow and I shrug, taking the coffee he offered in his outstretched arm. "I didn't know you were here, Mom. I can go to that shop down the street and get you something."

My mother offers him her cheek as he leans down to kiss it and she cups his cheek, currently covered with slight facial hair. "It's fine, Kyle. I had an expresso this morning and the coffee here isn't... terrible." We all exchanged a look and burst out laughing. I couldn't help but feel disappointed that Kyle came alone. "Where's Kaden? He's usually here everyday." Mom asked, smoothing out my blanket beneath my legs.

"Oh, he'll be here later." Kyle sips his coffee appreciatively and took the seat on my other side. "It's game night with the guys so I told him I'd hang with you for a few hours." He glances at me, uncertainty in his eyes. "If that's okay with you?"

I blinked at my brother. His pale blue eyes, like my own flash with regret and I know we need to talk about our fight. My memory from that night has been coming back in pieces and I hate the things we said to each other. "Mom, do you think you could see if the gift shop has truffles? I'm dying for some chocolate goodness." She nods, her gray blue eyes brighten as they gaze between me and my brother. "Better yet, I'll go to Tilly's and get you some goodies." She stands and leans downs to kiss my forehead, something about that gesture pulls at my heart and for once I don't force a smile on my face.

Once Mom has left the room, I pat my bed and wink at my brother, "step into my office, big brother, it's time to talk."