Stay A While | DR3 | BOOK 2

28 - Running Again

"Oh, sweetheart," Grandmas voice shook on the other end. "I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time, but— oh, Lex—"

"You need to come to the hospital. Quickly, dear. Call your brothers. I'll text you the room..."

--

- April 24th 📍 Imola, Emilia-Romagna, Italy -

They can't break you if you're not broken. If you put up impenetrable walls that spell, "I'm gonna be alright."

It was what I told Daniel when he looked at me like I had a third head after telling him I was still planning on going to Italy. I had a job to do. That job wasn't going away anytime soon, like I had planned it to. That much was clear, especially now.

After two days of sleep, having absolutely no energy nor will to live life; I decided I was disgusted with how I was acting. Grieving is one thing. Not living my life is another. Laying in bed and aimlessly staring at the ceiling, watching the cast of sun change angle against the creme toned paint.

"This is how I'm grieving. Don't be worried, please don't be worried."

"You're going on about like everything is okay," Daniel set his hands on his hips. His words were stern, but his tone remained soft. Like he was tiptoeing around the fact. Like everyone else was.

Dare I say it was nearly the worst part of this all. The pity glossing over peoples eyes whenever they looked at me, or my brothers. Clearly not coming from a bad place, but I didn't need pity. It made it feel that much worse than it already was.

There would be no tiptoeing around it, not in my mind. I'd almost prefer everyone around me adopt the blunt nature of it all.

"It's not okay. Personally, I don't think I'm the person who is treating everything like it is. I'm hurt. My heart is broken. And I'm grieving— I am, Daniel," I paused, wanting to really hammer in the point. Daniel didn't seem to be convinced. "It doesn't look like I am, and I know its unconventional. But, I need you to back me up, okay? Even if you think it's weird."

"I don't think it's weird, Lex. I'm just worried about you. I'm worried," Daniels shoulders rose and fell as he took a deep breath. His warm hands enveloped my shoulders, rubbing them gently before kneading his fingers through my knots. "That you're running from this. That you're keeping stuff in, again."

I let my bottom lip quiver into a pouted position, the position it most naturally fell into the past few days. He was right, I was running again. It was just what I did naturally, as much as I hated to admit it. However this time, I knew this was something that I couldn't run from. Not to mention the fact that it wasn't something I wanted to run from.

But on the other hand, if working through this was what I wanted to do right now, what good would wallowing at home do me?

"I want to work, Daniel. I want to be at the race. I want to do the job I decided to take on."

As he watched me pack my bags, eventually joining in and packing his own, Daniel finally conceded. Silent and complacent, but visibly cautious as he watched me out of the corner of his eye like a hawk.

The one catch was that Daniel remained by my side, the entire time he wasn't in the car or doing media. From the moment we got off the plane in Italy, to checking in to our hotel room, to Media Day and our team pre-race weekend brief. He was one of two people I couldn't get rid of, the other one being Sophie.

Even though all I wanted was to be alone, if Daniel and Sophies presence meant no one else asked about why I had left my blanket cocoon, then I was quite grateful to have them by my side. They were my 'unofficial mourning bodyguards', I had joked morbidly on the way to the track on Saturday.