Stay A While | DR3 | BOOK 2

22 - What I Had To Do

We were set up well. It was our race to lose.

"No, no— no!"

The second I heard Zaks cries in desperate protest, I turned my head so quickly back to the Wall I nearly gave myself whiplash. My neck muscles strained forward, taking in the complete 180° before me.

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cw: adult content (bible club meeting in the comments)

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My fingers visibly shook as I stretched my hand out to press the button. I cursed myself for being so mentally weak. I should have known something like this could happen eventually.

Not a second had gone by before I could react. Before my brain could absorb the information under the immense pressure of what could happen next. What I'd do with myself if Daniel didn't respond.

"Daniel? Are you alright?"

The walls of my eardrums constricted, blocking out all sounds as I waited for Daniels response. I wanted to claw at them, to somehow plunge the depths of my ear canals with the pen in front of me until I felt like I had sufficiently pried the holes wide open. The feeling crept into my throat. A hand flew to the base, by my collarbone, rubbing gently.

Or what I thought was gentle. I looked down at the collar, to my dismay finding red finger marks where my nails had done their damage. My throat clenched, perfect timing, throbbing along the sides as I swallowed, trying to find clear passage for the air that sat tantalizingly in my mouth.

The yellow flag had turned red. All cars were beginning to make their way in as the medical car joined the safety car already on track.

I shut my eyes, trying my best to stay calm. I had a job here, an expectation. This was my responsibility, to deal with stuff like this. Against the darkness cast down, I saw one image. Dad. Smiling down at me with tears in his eyes, the hospital in Monaco I was rushed to distinct behind his head. The only noise in the background was the familiar screech of rubber I knew all too well.

I huffed outwardly. My finger jammed at the button again. "Daniel, do you read?"

This time my question was met immediately with radio static. Then heavy breathing. He was breathing. Now I could breathe. "Daniel, can you let us know that you're—"

The sound that Daniel let out could only be one of pure rage. Of an anger that can't be described. One that was just in the sense, although nothing could have prepared any of us for it. A screech of failure that could make a roaring mama bear bow down in shame.

We all lurched backwards in our seats as Daniel continued to curse. "No! Fuck— no! No!"

My knuckles were white, clenching the edge of the desk in front of me. Zak placed a hand on my shoulder, gesturing toward Landos radio button. I pressed it, entering mid-way through Lando asking repeatedly what was happening. If Daniel was okay. He had seen Daniels car go off, and no doubt his mind was in a tailspin.

"Hey— Daniel? Medical car is pullin' up for you," Zak inputted quickly before turning to me, eyes wide. Immediately Daniels radio cut out, looking at the screen we saw he had removed his steering wheel, making way for him to get out of the car.

"He's okay, Lan. Come into the Pits, stay in your car and focus on your race. We'll get a screen up on your car if we can."

There wasn't much I could say, let alone over the radio with people listening, wanting confirmation on their part that everything was okay. I removed my headset, placing it down gingerly on the surface in front of me and lowering my elbows down on either side of it, creating a cradle for my head. My hands cupped my face, the echos of my staggered breath returning back to me in a haunted stream. I held each breath for a minute, letting it linger within me until my lungs begged for release.