Never Him. Always Him.

19

Entering the house, my mother and father both looked at me. "Your dress is in your room. Your hair and makeup.." "no" "jadee this is your wedding.." "no. It's yours. I'm not getting my hair done or my makeup. It's bad enough you are making me wear a white dress and forcing me to marry him" walking away and into my room, I put my head down as the dress laid flat on my bed. 'i don't even like it. I don't like any of it' "jadee" I looked at Britney as she looked between me and the dress. "it's not your style" "none of this is" Britney nodded "I know. Do you think they will force you to kiss him?" "I'm not doing it. I will tell the celebrant when I get up there. I'm not dancing with him either" Britney nodded "I will let you get dressed" "okay" when Britney walked out, I swallowed hard. 'i will still have my phone on me. I have a feeling I am going straight from the ceremony to the plane. I will need my charger too'.
Removing my clothes, I put the dress on and did it up. 'I'm not wearing those heels. I don't wear heels' "your suitcase has been packed" "I will pack my own" "it's ready" "no" dad sighed "I don't want to hear your bullshit" grabbing the suitcase, I opened it up. 'no way in hell' removing all of the clothes, I grabbed my own and put them in the suit case. "Jadee this will be good.." "NONE OF IT IS" hearing dad walk out, I hid my charger in the case then walked into the bathroom. 'i can still smell him on me. I don't even want to shower. I don't want to lose his smell' taking my hair out, I braided it on one side then packed my hair brush, hair ties, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush and toothpaste. Zipping up my suit case, I threw the other clothes on the floor in my closet and then sat on my bed. 'i hate all of this' looking at my phone, I took a deep breath as I read the names on the screen.

Monica - sending you all the love in the world. I will be there. Ari and Bosco will be too. Fuck I wish we could stop it. We all know you are hurting. Just like I am. Love ya woman.
Bosco - stay strong woman. We are all here for you. Don't forget to take your phone
Ari - I hear you will be on white. White is not your colour. Stay bright jadee.
Austin - see you soon Beautiful. I will be thinking of you until I see you again xx

Replying to all of them, I made sure my phone was silent and hid it under my dress.
"Jadee?" Looking at my father, he grinned "you look beautiful" turning my eyes, dad spoke "it's time to go jadee" standing up, I walked out of my room to see my mom with a massive smile. "That dress is devine. The limousine is here" exiting the house, I walked straight to the limousine and got in.
Seeing my mother, father and sister come out, I kept my eyes away from them. 'soon to be married'. when the door opened, I kept my head down and stayed silent.
Arriving at the church, I got straight out. "Jadee you need to wait. Britney, you go with your mom" staying still, I looked at the church. "It will all be okay jadee. Just wait and see" staying silent, I heard dad sigh. "We must go now" 'i want to go. Far away from here, them and this wedding' standing just outside, I heard the music start. When dad put his arm through mine he spoke "it's your day..." "It's not my fucking day. It's yours" walking in with dad, I kept my head lowered. I don't want to look at anyone or him. Getting to the stage, I stood opposite Matthew and looked at the celebrant "there will be no kissing" the celebrant showed a slight nod.
When the music stopped and everyone sat down, the celebrant spoke.
"Today we are here to join two people in holy matrimony. Not only joining Matthew and jadee but also their families. Family is important in life, they are there for you in the easiest and hardest times. Matthew and jadee met in junior school and have had a close knit friendship which has blossomed into love" 'no it fucking hasn't' "together they are here to seal their love and care for each other for a life time" 'he will never have my heart'.

Ari

'she hasn't looked at him once. Hasn't showed one ounce of care. Her face is void of any emotion. The more the celebrant Ravel's on, the more I can see her face change. I know her well and this is far from okay' "man this isnt good" "not even close".
"Jadee from the first time I had seen you, there was an instant attraction. Over the years I have got to know you, you have impressed me more each day. I can't thank god any more for having met you, to have you here with me now and to be my wife for a life time. Every time you are near, it makes me more than happy" "jadee?" When jadee stayed silent, I put my head down 'thats my best friend. She is hurting'.
"Now for the vows".

Jadee.

'he can say what he likes. I don't want to be here. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I'm not here for love. I'm here because I am being forced' "jadee please repeat after me. I jadee Monash ask you to be my husband and friend and my love" "I jadee Monash ask you to be my husband and friend" the celebrant looked at me to continue but I stayed silent. "On this day I affirm the relationship we have enjoyed, looking to the future to deepen and strengthen it" "on this day.. I affirm the relationship we have enjoyed, looking to the future to strengthen it"
I watched as the celebrant looked at the vows then at me "I will be yours in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph" "in sickness and in health, in failure and in triumph"

Peter.

'my daughter is only choosing what she wants to say. At least she is speaking but she's not showing anything. She won't give him eye contact, she's not saying her complete vows. I can see many looking around silently asking what is going on. I know she isnt happy but she can be if she allows it'.
"By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you as husband and wife. You may.." when the celebrant stopped talking, I swallowed hard "go to the venue to enjoy your refreshments and meals" 'he was supposed to say kiss your bride. Jadee fucking told him like she said she would' standing up as both of them walked down, I looked at the vacant look on jadees face. 'this isn't okay'.

Jadee.

Looking at Monica, Ari and Bosco, I didn't care about what I was supposed to do, I walked aris way and gave him a hug "I'm so sorry jadee" "yeah.. me too" "you held up well" 'yeah..' "we must move to the venue jadee" pulling away I held eye contact with ari. "See you there" "yep" walking out of the church, I walked straight to the limousine and got in.

Matthew.

'this is not how I planned for today to go. She changed her vows to suit her. Hasn't looked at me once. The celebrant changed the end and I didn't get to kiss my bride and now she has just walked off on her own. I know she is upset about all of this. All I have wanted is her. She's my wife. I have her but I don't'. "Matthew you should go join your beautiful bride" I nodded and walked to the limousine. Getting in, jadee had her eyes on the window. 'she has the most stunning green eyes but she never looks at me with a softness'.
Arriving at the hall, both of us got out. "I do believe they want photos taken" for the first time, jadee looked at me then walked away. Swallowing hard, I walked into the hall with her. 'mister and misses kallihan' I grinned as I looked at the banner. everyone bar those close to jadee had smiles on their faces. "CONGRATULATIONS MISTER AND MISSES KALLIHAN" I can't wipe the smile off of my face. Jadee walked away and straight to the drinks table. "You both look incredible Matthew. I am very happy for you" "thank you Jill. She's definitely beautiful and I am very happy" 'shes not' getting lots of congratulations, i stayed still as I thanked everyone.