Dark Saint

Chapter 17: The Tulip

Gabriella POV:

Adriano snatches the envelope out of Alex's hand and storms past him. I'm relived to have the extra oxygen back. Damn him, he is so, so confusing? I'm confusing.

I'm confused. Period.

Alex is watching me and I realize I'm probably displaying the mental battle going on in my head all over my face. I haven't seen him since he shot Alejandro and even before that I hadn't seen him since the biker accident. But I don't think I've had a proper conversation with him since I made him pasta.

Since he ate you out on the kitchen bench and lost a tooth.

I think I wince because he steps closer.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, fine." I brush a hand in the ear and look at the ground before getting enough courage to look up at him. As soon as our eyes meet I'm overcome with the most nauseating feeling of guilt settling in my stomach.

"Can we..." I gesture to the path that goes towards the garden. He pauses for a moment, contemplating the offer before he nods.

We fall into step with each other, but neither of us speak, where do we even begin. I feel like I owe him a lot of apologies.

"I'm-"

"Are-"

We both start at the same time, and then we go in a roundabout trying to get the other to speak first. We round the bend towards the tulips, just like the one he had delivered to me with my sushi, the memory deepens that horrible feeling in my stomach. I pluck a tulip, "The talking tulip."

He looks at me confused, his green eyes are still as beautiful as the first time I saw them, they used to be forest green, not like the woods but like the rainforest so full of life, but now, they look dimmed, and sad and it cuts me deep.

"When I hold the flower I talk, and when you hold it, you do." I feel a bit silly using a flower as a talking prompt but he nods, then drops his eyes from mine and back to the footpath.

Now that I'm holding the flower I don't know where to begin, what to say. I twist the tulip between my fingers and decide the best place to start is the beginning.

"No one had ever given me a flower before, not even flowers, it was really sweet."

He doesn't reply and I realize it's because I'm still holding the flower, I offer it to him but he shakes his head, my eyes join his and drop to the path.

Ouch.

"Alex." I sigh and stop walking but he keeps walking.

"Alex, I'm sorry."

He stops and turns, he looks like he is in so much pain and it rips what little shred of self-respect I had for myself to pieces. I took advantage of him, even if I didn't realize I was doing it, he was kind, and gentle, an idiot but he was always himself.

"What are you sorry for Gabi? Sorry for kissing me?" I catch the muscle in his jaw ticks as he continues, "For letting me fuck you with my tongue on the kitchen counter? Are you sorry you ever had feelings for me? Because I know you did-"

"Of course I did Alex." I cut him off with an exacerbated sigh. "That's not what I'm sorry for. I wasn't trying to be cruel, I appreciated your gestures, your affection, but it was different for me, I was in a strange place with no one I knew-"

"So you used me till you found something worth it?" I see the flash of pain in his green eyes and I swear the dim even more. The hurt in his voice is so brutal, he's not even trying to hide it, he is laying it out for me and I can feel every inch of it.