The Cries of an Outlander Lass

Chapter 12

I sit in my room quietly, waiting and just waiting as I stare at the fire. Claire, my own sister, was going to leave me here.

I know we had fought a few days ago, but she was going to leave me here. Now she has been taken by Randell, of all people, and Jamie and a few of the men have gone to break her out. Something happened not too long before she decided to leave the group when Jamie was gone, but no one would tell me what. Willie comes to check on me every hour or so, but he doesn't stay around.

He peeks his head in and asks me if I want anything before leaving without an answer. The men have been gone for about two days now. The sun has set as I watch the flames of my fire dance. The sound of footsteps leads down the hall but stops before my room. Deciding it was time for bed, I slowly changed my gown in silence. Even as the moments are painful at times. Draping the tartan around me, I settle into my bed for the night. However, I can't sleep. 

As the night drags on, I hear Clarie's voice and Jamie's. They are arguing. I then heard her yelling at him to stop and listened to the smack on his hand. I never thought Jamie would do that to her. It did happen at this time, men 'correcting' their women. Yes, but I felt that Jamie was different. I have my back to the door, so after the sounds next door stop and someone knocks, I can pretend to be sleeping. The door slowly opens, the person trying to make as little noise as possible. I don't change my breathing; I instead relax my body as it would be if I were asleep. A shuffle of steps alerts me to another person joining the first.

"Willie said she never left the room," Martuagh whispers, well attempts to whisper. 

"She must have been worried about her sister," Jamie's voice follows, "Look."

A sigh leaves both men's mouths, "She didn't eat."

"Come on," Jamie gently orders, "Maybe she will in the morning when she sees Claire safe and sound."

Oh, how wrong he was. Well, I did eat, but I did not speak to anyone other than Willie and Dougal. Even then, it was just enough to answer the question. I wouldn't even let Jamie or Claire near me for the rest of the trip. I watched over my own wounds and did everything by myself. However, my silence had to end when we got back to the castle as Lord McKenzie greeted Murtagh and me asking us into his office. Our conversation was short and sweet, with Lord McKenzie wishing us health and threatening my husband that if he hurt me that not even Jamie could save him. 

We were given two rooms right next to each other since I was not of age in the contract that was signed. As I brushed out my hair with Murtagh watching in the background, "I know something happened before Claire took off. I want to know what it was," silence filled the room, "I know something happened and unless you want me to go and speak with Dougal?"

"Mar sin a-nis tha thu deònach bruidhinn rium." (So now you are willing to speak with me.)

"Only if you are going to answer me."

He huffs, "There were two British deserters. They found your sister and Jamie together. They almost..."

"So after that, Jamie still decided to go and met with this man that could clear his name. Just leaving his wife in the woods."  

"You blame Jamie for wanten his name cleared?"

"No," I fix my hair so that I am ready for supper tonight, "I blame him for not seeing the need of his wife and then punishing her for an action that was taken when she was not in the right state of mind."

 Without another word, he leads me down to dinner, and I return to my silence sitting next to my sister. Staying just long enough to finish my food and bid goodnight to our host. Claire exits with me as well; I still haven't spoken to her yet, but I know that she does not want to be around her husband at the moment. Leaving her at her door, I return to my own. I sit quietly, unpinning my hair and brushing it out, as a knock comes on my door. Still, in my dress from dinner, I open my door to see Jamie and my husband standing there. 

"An urrainn dhuinn bruidhinn?" (Can we speak?)

I leave the door open, letting both of them come in. My brother-in-law stays closest to the door but closes it since we would not be alone. I return to my vanity and just wait. The crackle of the fire fills the air with just enough noise that we are able to sit there for a few minutes before Jamie decides to speak, "Are you doing well? Murtagh says that you spoke to him for a moment before dinner."

With my hand opened and stretched out in front of me, I approach Jamie. His confused face carefully watches me as he hands over his dirk. With a steady hand, I raise it, pointing the tip right at his gut, "Tell me one reason why I should not gut you," the confused look on his face continues, "Give me one reason why after my sister was almost raped that you left her with Willie in the forest when he had to watch me?"

"I had to take this chance. I never meant-"

"And then you punish her for getting taken. She was not in the right state of mind after what happened earlier that day, and that was the same woods where Randall had attacked us when Murtagh found us."

"I - I."

"Talk to her and with her. Not at her."