First and Ten

Chapter 19

                                                                     Blair

I didn't see Jax for a full week after we returned from the away game, but I knew he was zoned in on football and understood completely. The benefit was now only a few weeks away with Thanksgiving right around the corner as well, and my to do list seemed to grow by the day between the benefit, working with two new boutiques, the blog and social media, and just being a mom.

Jax played great at the game on Sunday, and I saw him briefly afterwards for a quick kiss and hug but had to get home to the kids. We wanted to have a lunch on Monday but had to reschedule when the florist for the benefit called me with news that they weren't going to be able to get in one of the flowers I had selected and asked that I come choose something else so that they could get it ordered.

It turned into two full weeks before Jax and I were finally able to meet for dinner. The kids went to Bri and JB's so that I could spend a whole night with him after what felt like forever. I had a smile on my face as I rode up the elevator about an hour early to surprise him and couldn't wait to kiss him and not have to rush our time together, but as I walked off the elevator, I froze two steps in at what I saw.

Jax was sitting on the couch smiling and laughing with a beautiful red-head dressed in designer everything. Her hand was on his knee, and his arm was resting behind her on the back of the couch. He was so deep in conversation with the mystery woman that he didn't even hear the elevator or notice me standing there. Just as I was fixing to say something, he leaned in like he was going to kiss her, so I turned and left. I sat in my car feeling hollow staring at nothing as my brain tried to wrap around what I had just walked in on. Jax had another woman alone with him in his apartment and was so wrapped up in her that he didn't even see me evidenced further by the fact that he hadn't come after me or called or anything, but they were probably busy having sex on his sofa by now. I suddenly felt like I was going to vomit and opened my car door just in time.

After emptying the bile out of my stomach, I started the car and let the tears fall the whole way home. I didn't know what to do and didn't even call Bri because I wasn't ready to talk. That situation had been what I was afraid of all along. I knew he would eventually get tired of me and choose someone from his posh world instead, but I had let myself think that I somehow could manage to keep a guy like him interested.

The house was dark and quiet as I went straight to my room and shut the door not bothering to turn on a single light. I dragged myself to the bathroom, stripped my clothes off, and ran a scalding hot bath trying to feel something besides pain and anger as I sank down into the tub.

I don't know how long I stayed in there, but my fingers were shriveled significantly and the water had turned cold enough that I was shivering with my skin covered in goose bumps. I threw on an old Mississippi State t-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts ready to get in bed to attempt to sleep or maybe just cry some more.

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I heard my phone ring and saw it shining from where I threw it on the floor along with my purse, but I ignored it pulling the covers up only for it to start ringing again not seconds after it had stopped. I still refused to go get it knowing it was probably Bri but still didn't have it in me to talk yet. After it rang a third time, I decided to at least text her so she wouldn't worry and quit calling, but when I looked down at my phone, I saw 10 missed calls from Bri, 12 from Jax, and 15 text messages total from both of them. I didn't bother reading any messages or returning any calls, but I did text Bri that I was home. I put the ringer on silent, threw it on the bedside table, and pulled the blanket back over my head to attempt sleep, but after what felt like hours yet had only been about 45 minutes of tossing and turning, I got up to go to the kitchen for something to help put me out.