"um, it's my friend from australia." i spoke slowly.
"she doesn't sound very well." ashton pointed out.
"who even is well in today's time." i sighed as i opened the door wider to let him in.
i walked over to the bed and sat down. "so, what do you want to talk about?"
"i know calum was a bit harsh, but it's only because he cares liyah. he's not doing this to torture you or make you feel bad." he pointed out.
"could have fooled me." i spoke with a shrug.
"what started this?" he asked softly.
"can i ask you a question?" i asked.
"of course." ashton replied.
"what's so wrong with wanting to be skinny?" i mumbled.
"nothing, but this isn't skinny babe. this is unhealthy." ashton spoke.
"i don't think i am. therefore, i'm not." i replied.
"if you want we can do this totally based on the facts. what's your bmi?" ashton asked.
"i don't know, i never bothered checking." i shrugged.
"do it." ashton spoke as he pointed towards my phone.
i slowly picked up my phone and went to a bmi calculator.
i put in my height and weight and the number had me almost in tears.
"it's fucking 17. what the hell, i'm so disgusting." i muttered then quickly looked up to see ashton's sad expression.
"you're not disgusting liyah. you're struggling with something that could potentially kill you." ashton pointed out.
"then let it. i feel disgusting and wish i never knew that." i spoke with tears in my eyes.
"babe, a healthy bmi is above 18.5." ashton spoke firmly.
"does it look like i give two fucks? i'm fat. i feel fat. my friends is fucking 16.5 i'm fucking disgusting. just leave please." i practically yelled as i pointed to the door.
ashton stood up and walked up mumbling a goodnight as i slammed my door behind him.
i crumpled down to the floor and began crying.
i was so ugly. i hated my body.
me: bee.. i'm fucking sobbing right now. my bmi is fucking 17.
bee<3: oh liyah:/ i'm so sorry. mine is now 16.3. i'm so sorry babe, remember purging really works if you want to get rid of the extra weight.
me: but isn't purging like taking it to the next level. isn't it really unhealthy?
bee<3: um, we are unhealthy bitch. that's the cost of being beautiful. you can't get more unhealthy then you are now.
me: i'll try it then, once, and only once.
i put my phone down and went to the bathroom. i played music from my phone loud enough that no one could really hear.
TRIGGER WARNING
i bent down on my knees and hesitantly put my fingers down my throat.
i felt myself gag and spit up water.
tears were in my eyes as i hung over the toilet. it fucking hurt.
maybe i had to do it when there was actual food?
END OF TRIGGER WARNING
i stood up, flushed the toilet, and rinsed my mouth out. i turned my phone volume down and walked out.
fuck this was exhausting.
i laid in my bed and fell asleep, just to be woken up around 8 am by calum.
"hey beautiful." he smiled softly.
"what." i replied dryly as i laid there.
"you have an appointment with ash today." calum replied as he stood up.
"did you not hear my response yesterday of, me technically saying no." i spoke with a frown.
"i did. we all did. i'm just choosing to ignore it. we're going to get you healthy again." calum smiled.
"fuck you." i replied.
"you wish." calum laughed as he walked out.
"ew what the fuck!" i shouted as my pillow went shooting at him.
he was such an idiot.
i walked downstairs and saw everyone waiting for me.
"you guys can go you know." i mumbled.
"not without you." michael replied as he grabbed my arm.
he dragged me along as the rest walked to the car.
"here, an apple." luke spoke as he gently tossed one at me.
"thanks mate." i spoke with a tiny smile.
as we drove i felt all eyes on me to eat the apple, but instead i put head phones in and ignored them.
as soon as we got to the hospital i threw the uneaten apple away and walked inside.
i felt their eyes burning into the back of me head.
but did i give a fuck?
not really.
YOU ARE READING
Help//5sos ✔️
Fanfiction"you know damn well that you are too skinny and need help." "calum you fucking left. you don't have the right to comment on anything about me."
