Dear Husband, yours only [on hold]

✥ 31 | Rock-bottom

Reema stared at Sidharth. To her it seemed like he had come to hit his rock bottom. His anger had finally started falling off like autumn leaves. His anger was his shield. A shield he wore to not feel the hurt that came from outside. With the shield of anger going down, he would be more vulnerable.

It took some people to hit their rock bottom, end up in the worst phase of their life, to understand, to realize, to reflect their choices and how those bought them far from what they actually wanted.

Sidharth was among those people.

He was a fighter. But he had been fighting his own emotions. He had been rejecting his own failure. Only now, after a lot of hardships, he had come to the understanding that it was a futile fight.

It was time that Sidharth realized his mistakes, recognized his dysfunctional behaviors and faced the impact they had left on his life. He had been flying his plane ignoring the fact that it had ran out of fuel. If one doesn't land a plane such as that in time, then crash is inevitable. It was only a matter of time that it crashed.

The longer you repress, the harder it bursts. Sidharth had bottled up his feelings, locked his emotions and made himself appear normal on the outside for way too long. His divorce was years back, the event of cause. He had distracted himself for a long time, lied to himself that he was okay. That one spark had started a slow burning fire that had now burned him down in flames.

The worse thing with hitting rock bottom was that most people stopped there. The lowest point was also the point where people usually peaked at feeling helpless and unworthy. And Sidharth was showing that.

There was only one way out now. He had to be a Phoenix and rise from his ashes.

She got up from her single seater sofa and sat beside him. She reached out to hold his hand. "Sidharth," she said softly.

He didn't look up. He was lost, perhaps drowning in his thoughts, negative thoughts. Up until now Reema had assumed that Raunak was both his strength and weakness. But he had another weakness. A weakness that could shake his life at its very core— Sanjh. A weakness he didn't even know he had.

"Sidharth," she said with more determination after some time. "It's okay to feel what you're feeling right now. But it's not okay to keep feeling it again and again."

"It doesn't stop." His voice was a low mumble like that of a scared child.

"It won't. Because it needs to be stopped. You need to stop it and you can."

Sidharth sighed. "You don't understand." He mumbled pulling his hand back from her hold. "It's maddening."

Reema stared at him. "But you need to make it stop and you can do that Sidharth. Humans can't control what they feel, but they can learn how to react to them, how to accept them, how to make peace with them. Maybe you feel that there's nothing you can do right now. That things are out of control. And maybe they are. But Sidharth, just repeatedly reminding yourself of these facts won't help."

"What do I do?" He asked in a low helpless voice.

"Ask yourself that— if today was the last day of your life what would you do?"

He sighed looking away, not entertaining her philosophy.

"Sidharth, you need to rebuild yourself, your life. If you continue the way it is, you'll hurt yourself and in the process people who you matter to."

"I can't see her like that." His voice was a whisper.

"I know." Reema said gently.

"Let's start over Sidharth. Let's leave the past behind. We'll deal with one thing at a time. Right now, I need you to go back home, eat, talk to Sanjh."