Dear Husband, yours only [on hold]

✥ 33 | Stubborn Heart

"Sanjh, what do you need? What do you want?"

Sanjh stared at him with tears in her eyes. She wanted him. She wanted back the Sidharth she loved. She wanted back her husband. But somehow the words didn't come out. Sidharth was no longer what he used to be. Could she still love him the same way, after everything? 

Her parents wanted her to move on with someone else. Her in-laws wanted her to get back with him. She didn't know what she wanted. She wasn't independent or strong enough to move on all by herself.

Sanjh blinked, realizing he had got up and started walking away. Tears streamed down her cheeks. He didn't even wait for her answer. Or maybe yet again he assumed her silence meant she didn't want him. 

With every step he took away, her heart ached for him. Her heart was stuck on him, like the stick of a clock that refuses to move with time.

She was tired of this push-and-pull between them. She couldn't live on with ths chaos. She wiped her tears, threw the bottle of beer on the side and followed his trail. 

He had shut the door of his room but not locked it. She pushed it open stepped inside and shut it again. He looked up at her, with the pillow in his hand. He threw the pillow at the head of the bed turning away from her.

She was angry. She walked up to him and stood before him. "You didn't even wait for an answer." She accused him. 

"Your silence..." he began to say.

"My silence can also mean that I am processing my thoughts, handling my emotions, that I need a little time to think. Maybe you just couldn't handle the thought of me not choosing you. I have been through that Sidharth. And I know that feeling sucks. But this is not fair." She complained.

He looked at her defeated. "Sanjh, I..."

"I want you. I want the old you back. I want that man I had fallen in love with,  the man I had married. I want back that happiness we had. I want back all of that, Sidharth." She said placing her hands on his chest, her fingers slowly grasping on to his shirt.

He looked down at her speechless.

"Lingering feelings, is that what you think I have for you? You're wrong Sidharth. You are very wrong," her voice was louder. 

"Sidharth, I was never able to let go everything I felt for you. Moving on must be easy for others but for me it's not an option. I can't stop loving you. All these years I tried so hard. I tried to hate you. I tried to make myself understand that you were wrong for me. That I was stupid. That I fell in love with the wrong person. But at the end of the day, I still love you the same. No explanation works. I regret bringing up the divorce Sidharth. I do. I regret not telling you about Ron. I regret so many things. But I don't regret what I feel for you."

She shook as she cried staring at him. His hands gently glided up her elbows to her upper arms, providing her support. 

"You can't do this okay." She said between soft sobs. "And where is this even coming from Sidharth? Mayank? Is that where this is coming from? You're insecure of him aren't you?" She asked irritated. "Then listen to me loud and clear, I don't want anyone. I just want you back."

Sanjh did need a verbal confirmation. The way he lowered his gaze gave her his admittance. She cupped her cheeks making him look at her. "Don't listen to that feeling Sidharth. Because I love you. I didn't marry him, because I couldn't. For me husband meant you. I can't give him what belongs to you. I love you Sidharth."

Sidharth had tears in his eyes. There was no way he could love her the way she was devoted to him. The tables had been turned. He was a fool to think that she would never understand what he felt for her. But he was the one who was duped. Sanjh's feelings for him had roots way deeper than he thought.