The Sky Under The Sea. {Sequel To Lead Me Out Of The Dark.}

Chapter 29:Suicide Season.

I feel somebody shake me. I sit up quickly and hit my head on the top of the bunk. "Cock sucking mother fucker." I shout. "Zunzie I'm sorry. You okay?" I hear Tony say with an o' so familiar tone. I look at him and shake my head. "Come here." He whispers. He pulls me into his arms and I break down and start bawling. "It's going to be okay." He mumbles into my ear while rubbing my back. I grip onto his shirt tightly as I cry and my body racks from the violent shaking. "Calm down, the baby can sense when somethings wrong even before they're properly developed." Tony says in a matter of fact tone. I wipe my tears and take a deep breath. I pull away from him and look him in the eyes. I'm such a bad person, "Happy birthday Tonzie, I'm sorry I ruined this all for you." I start crying again and Tony laughs and hugs me. "You made my day so much better." he says with a chuckle. I pull alway from his grip and look at him confused. "Just being with my best friend is amazing." He smiles and I can't help but smile back. "There she is." He says in a high pitch voice. I laugh and roll my eyes.

"I'm coming with you." Tony says simply. Tony got invited to go out to the club for his birthday and he knew I wouldn't go so he said no, I was secretly planning on gong to visit Austin but Tony somehow found out and is now giving me no option, he has to come, his reasoning is because it's his birthday and hes suppose to get everything he wants. "Whatever Tony Perry." I mumble. I pick up Roberts carrier only for it to be taken out of my hands. "What the-"."I'm watching him, go visit Austin then go out for dinner for Tonys birthday." Aaron says, it wasn't even a question like "hey can I watch Robert so you and Tony can go see Austin then maybe go out for dinner?" I would prefer it to be a question but before I argue I'm being pulled out of the bus by Tony.

"Here we go." I mumble under my breath. I look through the window and I freeze, "Tony I can't do this." I shake my head and back away from the door. Tony reaches for my hand and pulls me closer to the door. "They say the more you talk to somebody in a comma the faster they get out and wake up." I sigh and let out a shaky breath before turning the handle and stepping inside the room. I slowly make my way over to the chair beside the bed and sit down. "Hey baby, I miss you, I'm sorry i was such a terrible person this is all my fault." I say to Austin. He looks lifeless like in those movies when the person goes and visits there loved one, this is exactly how it is. I reach for Austins hand and hold it tightly. "Please wake up." I whisper. Tony rubs my back in comfort, "Hey Austin, I'm 27 today buddy, I wish yo were awake to celebrate it with me. Wake up soon dude." Tony says. I put my hands to my face and start crying, just the feeling I get when I think about all the what ifs makes me cry, what if they all came true. I started crying harder and at this point I wanted nothing more but to be in Austins arms.

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Tony and I went out for dinner. We spent hours talking about Austin and then our good times together. Being pregnant made me such an emotional wreck, it was bad. "To the buses?" Tony asks as he drives down the highway. I nod my head, I wasnt in the mood to talk to anybody. "Are you going to be okay with being alone tonight?" Tony asks. I nod once again. At the resturant I convinced Tony to take up the offer with Alex and go to the club for his birthday. "You sure, I can stay-"."Tony shut up, I'll be fine just don't expect me to talk to everybody." I don't break my gaze from outside. "Fine." Tony sighs and runs a hand through his hair before putting it back on the wheel.

"How was everything?" Alex asks as we step on the bus. I walk right past him and all the other guys. I crawl into my bunk and get under the blankets.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's taking the whole comma thing roughly, she keeps blaming herself."

"Should we leave her alone?"

"I don't know I'm debating."

"She will be fine."

Why do people always assume that I'll be fine? I sigh and my curtain opens. "Here, I thought you might want a cuddle buddy." Alan puts Robert into my arms and smiles at me. "I can stay." Alan says I shake my head. "I love you." He says before closing the curtain and leaving. I hear the bus door close, I assumed Robert and I were now alone. I looked down at Robert to see him wearing a squidgy outfit that Austin got costume made. I could feel the tears threatening to spill.

Robert was fast asleep at my side, I lay there wide awake, my mind was going crazy. I can't do this. The tears were now freely running. I get out of the bunk and gently picked up Robert, I hold him closely to me and walk to the back. I place robert in his carrier and buckle him up. "I love you my perfect angle, take care of daddys heart for me." I kiss his head and pick up he carrier. I walk out of the bus and make my way over to Ptvs.

I sat there waiting for somebody to answer. After a few more minutes Vic answered. "Zundra, how are you?" He asks with concern laced in his voice. "Good, can you watch Robert? I need to go out." Vic gives me a questioning look. "Where?" He raises his eyebrow and looks at me. "To spend the night at the hospital with Austin, I miss him too much." Liar, i mean I do miss him, more than ever but I wasn't going to the hospital. "Alright." he grabs the carrier and pulls me into a one arm hug. "Love you." He whispers in my ear. I pull away and look at him one last time. "Love you too Vic." I whisper back before turning around and walking away from the bus.

It was a nice night out today, barely any cars on the road, no people. I continued my walk. I didn't know where I was or what time it was but I have been outside for awhile, just walking around. Forest, dirt, gas sation, forest. It all looked the same to me. I finally found what I was looking for, train tracks. "Perfect." I whisper. I sit right in the middle of the train tracks and look around. I put my hands on my stomach and rub it gently, "Hey miracle baby, I'm sorry I'm doing this, I just can't live without your daddy. At least we will die together, I'm sorry Omg." I start sobbing making my body shake violently like earlier this morning. Calm down Zundra it will all be over soon. I continue crying but I manage to control my shaking.

After sitting there for a good hour I feel the tracks shaking, I see lights from further down. I take a deep breath and place my hands on my stomach for the last time. "I love you, grandpa and grandma will be taking care of us now." I whisper to my unborn daughter. The tracks vibrations get stronger and the lights get brighter. "I love you all." I mumble. "Zundra? zundra get off the fucking tracks!" I hear somebody yell, the train becomes louder, I cant hear the person anymore. The train is just minutes away, this is the end. Just as the train gets closer I feel arms wrap around me and pick me up off the tracks and soon the person is running and the train was speeding by. I scream in frustration, I was so close to ending all this misery!

"Are you fucking crazy?" Alan asks as he puts me down. Tony comes running over with tears in his eyes. "Zundra," He whispers. I look down ashamed, ashamed at he fact that I would do this, knowing how many people I'd hurt. I'm so horrible, I'm sick, I need help. "Zundra, why?" Alan whispers. I shrug knowing damn well why I wanted it to end but not knowing how to tell my best friends. I hear more people run over and I feel arms around me. "Omg Zundra you scared the shit out of me." I look up as David pulls away from me and looks in my eyes. "What about the baby?" I hear Tino ask. "Did you think about Austin and your son? Your friends?!" Tino asks raising his voice. He was right but at the same time he wasn't. "Tino-"."Tino do you even know what I'm gong through? No you don't because your lifes fucking perfect!" I shout at him. He shuts up but then opens his mouth only to shut it and make a firm line with his lips. He sighs, "Zundra you don't even know how much me and my fiancée envy you, we wanted yours and Austins relationship.." he says in a much lower and calmer voice. He envied me? He wanted our relationship? Was I that ungrateful and selfish?